Is inviting seven out of ten Year 4 girls acceptable?

[Montylooloo]

My child is having a party. Mixed age group classes. Smallish party at home so wanted to stick to 15 ideally which includes some family and outside of school friends. My child has asked to invite 6/10 Y4 girls in her class, she is another so that makes 7/10. There are around 28 total in class including Y3 boys and girls and Y4 boys and girls.

7/10 feels too high but is it ok as it’s in a wider class of 28, including others girls…albeit the year below?

when quizzed about the remaining three girls from her year she said she never plays with them, so isn’t a big deal as such. But I know these things can feel different to those left out…or the parents. To invite would take us to 18 invited.

I think it's fine. It's 6 out of 28 being invited and probably at least one won't be able to come. How seperate are the year groups? Maybe some Y4 have more friends in Y3 so aren't close to your DD.

It’s fine.

No- the other 7 will be talking about the party and the other 3 will definitely feel excluded.

I wouldn’t. Particularly because there is a good chance that the 3 your dd isn’t inviting are likely to be the ones who don’t get invited much. No criticism of your dd of course-but that’s just the way it goes. Sorry-I think you need to invite them all.

Leaving 3 out is mean.

I think it's ok. It's only because you are diving up by boy/girl and by yr3/4 that it seems like a small number are left out.

I was a teacher for decades. Please invite all the girls. As another poster said it is likely that the three not currently invited are the ones who rarely get asked. I have seen the results of children being left out when invitations go out and it is heartbreaking. If there were more girls not invited it would be ok and less obvious but three is too smaller a number.

It's difficult to know without understanding the class dynamics. If they tend to be split socially along year group lines (which is sounds like they might be if she is inviting 7 yr4 girls and 0 yr3 girls? Or are there some yr3 girls too?) then I wouldn't do it. If they all mix generally and she was inviting some from both years I'd be more comfortable with it.

You're allowed to invite who you want - but at that age I wouldn't do that because you don't know how the groups will switch next week/term/year. Not much difference between 15 and 18.

Do the girls stick to their year groups? If yes, and these three would very obvious be left out the I'd invite them. If they all mix together so this is actually 6 out of 15 girls then just six is fine.

I always go with fewer than half or everyone.

I wouldn't leave 3 out. It's too few not to be noticeable/obvious and the difference between 15-18 is negligible, especially when some people won't turn up anyway.

Either only have a couple or all but this is not a good compromise.

agree, although I don't really get how these mixed age group classes work. Do they still completely differentiate by year group? i.e. sitting in separate tables, doing completely separate work (i.e Year 4 learning about the tudors, Year 3 about the romans), and aren't really friends with each other? Seems like a lot more work for the teacher if so!

I assumed that once they were in a class together they were basically treated as one, if a year 3 child was particularly bright they'd be in a group with mainly year 4 children and vice versa.

It really depends on the class dynamic. Do they normally do things as just year 4? And is it normal for the class parties to be just girls or just boys? Because if you said “dd is in a class of 28. She wants to invite 6 to her party, so 7 including her and so 21 of the class will be left out.” It would seem perfectly reasonable and a conversation would have to happen with parents that not everyone has whole class parties, only a small number invited etc. But if it’s a group that often do things together, it might stand out.

No, I think that's unkind. Sorry

She wants to invite 6 of her class of 28?
I was all set to say no from your title, but actually, I think this is ok.

To those questioning dynamics, They do all work together and aren’t split into year groups as such. But she is naturally friends with the girls in her year as has been with them throughout school, whereas has only mixed with the younger year since September. As a class they aren’t separate, but as friendships they seem to be. I’ll be sending invites electronically to parents as I always do as hate paper invites unless whole class. But on this occasion I’ll invite all to be on the safe side. I think my daughter was slightly bemused when I questioned as she doesn’t understand why she needs to invite people she doesn’t play with or whom haven’t ever invited her to a party. But equally it’s a lesson on kindness for her.

It's your child's party. It's acceptable to invite or not invite whoever they want. There are no rules

Thats life...she doesnt play with them- why would they expect an invite??

To who?
The people she doesnt play with... or herself for having to have people at her own party she doesnt want there.
Do you invite people you have no relationship with to your parties/meals out etc?

She’s not in a girls only class and we shouldn’t be teaching kids segration of genders, it is 6 out of 28 and it’s fine.

Huh? Do you invite every female in your workplace to your events even if you’re not friends. How odd.

I think it's unkind to the 3 out of 10 girls who were not invited. Totally different to me inviting females in my workplace, and you know it.

My children have been in the three. I still think it's fine to invite 6/28. In Y4 there are established enough friendships that they will likely not be expecting invitations from children they don't play with. And if you can't accommodate all of them, inviting all the children she plays with is kinder than artificially asking her to choose between them for the sake of others. It's really not any kinder to limit her to 3 or 4 and exclude some of those she plays with daily.

Just make sure she is inviting the children she actually plays with, rather than the ones she aspires to play with!

It isn’t any different at all. If this were a big party in a hall where space wasn’t an issue then maybe invite them all, but a small ish party at a house, of course you don’t invite randoms. My daughter was allowed to ask whomever she wanted at the party and if that meant a couple of girls were left out then so be it. They weren’t her friends and it was her party.

I wonder if boys are taught to be so kind?