Wwyd family members taking photos

[Strangepeopleoverthere]

I have a family member and her husband who whenever we meet with them (usually at home gatherings) they will both wait for me to leave the room and then take selfies or photos with my DC. They will put my DC next to them and do family shot type photos. I find it annoying as they seem to wait until I have left the room and don't take it with any other family members. As far as I know they don't post to socials but I don't know for sure as I do not go on FB etc. They have done this quite a bit since my DC were born. In the beginning I used to ask them not to do this.

They constantly spam the family whatsapp group with their DC photos and their own DC who has additional needs has started to stim and tantrum when they take photos. I recently called this out as the DC was so distressed.

I do not like my DC photos all over the place and certainly I never post anything about DC online.

They are odd in other ways (not to be outing). I am low contact and keep a relationship with them for all DCs sake.

Wwyd? I am pretty uncomfortable about this.

How is this happening so frequently if you don’t have much contact with them?

I mean I see them semi regularly (monthly or so) at family gatherings but I don't actively contact them or keep a close relationship (for other reasons). Any contact is more for DCs sakes so they have contact with cousins.
It just happens each time we see them. Usually I will walk to another room or go to the toilet, come back and see they are doing this.

Bump for any opinions please 🙏

Don’t leave them alone with your kids if you’re not happy.

I’d ask them not to.

How about thrusting yourself in the middle of them all and saying:

"Oh. Good - I'm back now, you can take another photo with me in it too. You want me in the picture as well, don't you, DC?".

Have you actually asked them not to?

I think I’d try and get the other members of the family to support you: “Have you noticed that x & y keep taking photos of the children whenever I leave the room? Don’t you think that’s a bit weird?”

I have commented in the past when DC younger / as a baby to not do this.

I try not to leave DC alone now at all but it's hard not to step out of the room even for a second or go to the toilet.

Do other people think this is weird? I am uncomfortable with it and want to say something to them (by text).

Good idea - I have tried to do this more recently. They both wait until I have left the room and I will say go to the toilet for 2 mins and I'll walk in on them doing it.

I don't, I'll go for a wee or to another room - come back and see them doing it. Most recently walked into the room and they have set up the phone on a coffee table and the husband was about to take a selfie with watch. I told him to put it away.

You do know that taking a photo doesn’t mean your dc’s souls have been captured, don’t you? I’ve never understood this modern phobia about photographs. As long as they’re not inappropriate, what’s the big deal? If you don’t want them posted on WhatsApp. Facebook etc., just tell them that.

It is weird but texting isn’t an effective way of dealing with it. It needs to be spoken about face to face, preferably in front of witnesses.

So you’ve never actually told them not to? Don’t the children tell them to stop?

Pretty normal for some folk- waiting till you’re not there is ODD!

You mean it is odd that they wait until I'm not there? Because I feel it is odd thing to do. But they do it. Honestly it's quite galling for me though I don't like conflict with this family member as she is spiteful in many other ways in the past.

I've asked them politely, maybe I need to be more direct (and sure of myself and what's acceptable for my DC).

DC1 came running to me in the latest time and said it's photo time. It's just odd.

I may do both.
Out of interest why would you suggest to have this conversation in front of others.

That's very odd behaviour, and the fact that their child has tantrums when they do it and upsets your DC is reason enough on its own to stop them doing it. You'll have to be fairly direct, and be prepared to stay firm.

Out of interest why would you suggest to have this conversation in front of others

Because it’s a weird pattern of behaviour that only you may have noticed until now, but once it’s exposed, other people will see it too, and that makes it harder for them to carry on when you’re not in the room.

What did you actually say?

Them waiting for you to leave the room suggests they are doing it behind your back, which is very odd behaviour. But do they actually know they're not meant to do this?

If not, then have a polite word.

If they do know, then you need to be more forceful.

For others minimising it, it's totally out of order not to respect a parent's wishes about the privacy of their children.

I'd want to ask them why they keep taking photos of your kids everytime you leave the room, and what do they do with the photos?
Ask them in front of everyone at the next family gathering, but ask with curiousity rather than accusingly.
It's weird behaviour and social embarassment might make them stop.

“They both wait until I have left the room and I will say go to the toilet for 2 mins and I'll walk in on them doing it.”
So walk out of the room, wait thirty seconds and then walk back. They’ll be arranging your DC for a selfie or whatever, and at this point, tell them that you’ve asked them before not to do this and you are now telling them, don’t take photos of my children unless I’m there, because it’s abusive. If they won’t stop, then withdraw from family occasions, or only go when you’re sure they’re not there.

It’s a bit odd they do when you leave the room. I wouldn’t leave the room or ask them why they wait for you to leave the room.