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Original poster

I do not think I am a genuinely happy person

29 replies

ilovejam · 16/04/2026 15:29

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and I’ve realised something that feels quite hard to admit out loud… I don’t think I’m actually a happy person.
It’s not that my life is bad. I have two lovely kids and a good, supportive husband. On paper, everything looks as it should. And I do have moments where I laugh or feel okay, even happy for a bit. But it never seems to last, and it never feels deep or settled. It’s more like passing moments rather than something I carry inside me.

I also find myself feeling envious of people who seem genuinely happy. I’ll look at friends or even family and they just seem so content in a way I can’t relate to. And I often think they’d be really shocked if they knew I felt like this, because from the outside I probably seem fine too.
The strange part is, I don’t think I even know what real, consistent happiness feels like. The last time I remember feeling genuinely carefree and properly happy was when I was about 19. Since then, life has just felt… heavier, I suppose. More like I’m getting through things rather than really enjoying them.

I don’t know if this is normal, or if other people feel like this and just don’t say it. Maybe I’ve just lost something along the way, or maybe I never really had it in the first place in the way others seem to.
I’m not even sure what I’m asking, to be honest. I think I just needed to say it somewhere and see if anyone else understands this feeling.

OP posts:
TightlyLacedCorset · 16/04/2026 15:36

OP is there anything you would like to do that you haven't done that you feel would be great to do just for you? How old were you when you got married? If you were relatively young, might it be that you perhaps didn't have enough time to discover yourself before responsibilities?

I do believe many people do not have the room through the current education, then work and responsibilities set up, to find their own unique talent, to discover what they love!

I could of course be terribly wrong and you are involved in a field you always had a passion for. Is your relationship giving everything you WANT not just need?

Or could it be more existential, do you need to find greater meaning?

youalright · 16/04/2026 15:38

I think this is normal. Life is made up of happy moments but I don't think people are walking around 24/7 happy.

LuckyBitches · 16/04/2026 15:39

Hmm, I can relate to this quite a bit. I have a good life, but never feel particularly happy. I read Muriel Grey saying something like "happiness is impossible, the best you can hope for in this life is peace and contentment". Not that i can find that quote anywhere online! But I do think it helps to reframe it a bit, wellbeing isn't that giddy sort of state we think of as Happy. I do also think that as we get older we see that sadness and grief are inevitable. I feel more sorrowful as I age, but it's not necessarily bad, just different. I wouldn't go back to being 19, put it that way.

Original poster
ilovejam · 16/04/2026 15:49

TightlyLacedCorset · 16/04/2026 15:36

OP is there anything you would like to do that you haven't done that you feel would be great to do just for you? How old were you when you got married? If you were relatively young, might it be that you perhaps didn't have enough time to discover yourself before responsibilities?

I do believe many people do not have the room through the current education, then work and responsibilities set up, to find their own unique talent, to discover what they love!

I could of course be terribly wrong and you are involved in a field you always had a passion for. Is your relationship giving everything you WANT not just need?

Or could it be more existential, do you need to find greater meaning?

Edited

I have been with husband since I was 16. Met when I was 14. Married when I was 28. I'm now 31. I'm a SAHM, I know people will say I should probably get a job, (with the country I am from, I will obviously not mention it to remain anonymous) it's very difficult to just get a job. The unemployment rate is very high. So been struggling with that. I'm a graduate though.

OP posts:
TheFretfulPorpentine · 16/04/2026 15:50

My experience is that happiness isn't a constant state, it's something you experience now and then, usually briefly.

Original poster
ilovejam · 16/04/2026 15:51

TheFretfulPorpentine · 16/04/2026 15:50

My experience is that happiness isn't a constant state, it's something you experience now and then, usually briefly.

Let me rather say, I'm not a content person. Maybe happy isn't necessarily the right word. I don't know. I don't know how to describe it. Oh well..

OP posts:
Venusx · 16/04/2026 16:03

I may sound odd but im happy all the time.

NuffSaidSam · 16/04/2026 16:07

Happy is an emotion, which like all emotions comes and goes. You shouldn't be happy all the time!

However, if you're rarely happy or struggle to feel any contentment or joy you may be depressed. How is your diet/sleep/exercise level etc? I'd review this and if there is no change talk to your GP.

Original poster
ilovejam · 16/04/2026 16:07

Venusx · 16/04/2026 16:03

I may sound odd but im happy all the time.

Do you think it's a personality thing? How would you define that feeling if you had to put it into words. Happy in what way. What isit that you feel

OP posts:
applescentedcandle · 16/04/2026 16:08

Feel free not to answer, but did you have a lonely childhood?

Crystallllll · 16/04/2026 16:14

I feel like this. The only thing I really enjoys is going to the gym or swimming and Having time to myself which feels rare. When I plan stuff to do it’s because I feel I have to otherwise I do nothing. I don’t always look forward to it, more think why did I plan this. It all feels an effort and chore. I feel I have to put on a happy show to other people when I don’t really feel that way. It’s quite exhausting.

Froschlegs · 16/04/2026 16:19

I’m not unhappy but wouldn’t say I’m a content person. There’s usually something on my mind/ that I’m thinking about.

Venusx · 16/04/2026 16:20

ilovejam · 16/04/2026 16:07

Do you think it's a personality thing? How would you define that feeling if you had to put it into words. Happy in what way. What isit that you feel

Show quote history

Ive always been like it, even when not so good things happen i turn it in to a joke and laught about it.
Fun fact i have a tatoo on the back of my leg, that says when life gets hard laugh about it.

Its hard to put in to words really but i think why be down and sad when we can smile.
Im happy with how my life is im happy being me, i love the small things in life because its the small things that get over looked.
I dont hold a grudge with anyone,i dont have or hold regrets and i dont live in the past, i also dont get offended because we can only get offended if we let ourselfs get offended.

I do what makes me happy.
True happeness can only happen if you allow it.

TightlyLacedCorset · 16/04/2026 16:21

ilovejam · 16/04/2026 15:49

I have been with husband since I was 16. Met when I was 14. Married when I was 28. I'm now 31. I'm a SAHM, I know people will say I should probably get a job, (with the country I am from, I will obviously not mention it to remain anonymous) it's very difficult to just get a job. The unemployment rate is very high. So been struggling with that. I'm a graduate though.

Show quote history

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a SAHM if that is your choice. I'm all for it, and I think SAHM deserve a great deal of respect.

It's not about 'getting a job' but rather, if there were no obstacles, is there anything you would like to/to have done or do. Have things become routine?

You met your husband at a young age, it sounds lovely and settled and secure.

You may well be happy actually, but perhaps there is no 'friction' no obstacles(?) to make you 'aware' of your happiness. So you are content, but don't feel passionate happiness in the way people tend to focus on when they have ups and downs. It's deceptive, because you don't realise you're happy.

But contentment is a form of happiness, the most enduring type of happiness.

Foxysocks456 · 16/04/2026 16:22

I think I'm the same OP. I have had a lot of therapy recently and I think one of the issues is that I've never really discovered myself. I've never been fully independent and I've never been "alone". And that's because DH and I met at University!

I have no idea who I am. And at age 40 - I have no idea how to start finding out

Ohthatsabitshit · 16/04/2026 16:24

Flip it @ilovejam You say you are only fleetingly happy, are you sad the rest of the time or ar are you also fleetingly sad? What are you the rest of the time?

itwasyourshowallalong · 16/04/2026 16:26

Is it possible that you’re depressed?

The only time I’ve ever felt anything close to peaceful and content was when I was over-prescribed antidepressants…..

Original poster
ilovejam · 16/04/2026 16:30

Foxysocks456 · 16/04/2026 16:22

I think I'm the same OP. I have had a lot of therapy recently and I think one of the issues is that I've never really discovered myself. I've never been fully independent and I've never been "alone". And that's because DH and I met at University!

I have no idea who I am. And at age 40 - I have no idea how to start finding out

I think a big part of me feels the same. Not knowing who am I. What it is to fend for myself. What it means to like myself, what really like and don't like. Even things I think I like, I'm not even sure I do.

OP posts:
Original poster
ilovejam · 16/04/2026 16:33

Ohthatsabitshit · 16/04/2026 16:24

Flip it @ilovejam You say you are only fleetingly happy, are you sad the rest of the time or ar are you also fleetingly sad? What are you the rest of the time?

I wouldn't say sad. Just a flat empty feeling. I don't know how to put it into words. Some days I just want to burst into tears. I think it's just who I am and I hate it

OP posts:
Original poster
ilovejam · 16/04/2026 16:35

TightlyLacedCorset · 16/04/2026 16:21

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a SAHM if that is your choice. I'm all for it, and I think SAHM deserve a great deal of respect.

It's not about 'getting a job' but rather, if there were no obstacles, is there anything you would like to/to have done or do. Have things become routine?

You met your husband at a young age, it sounds lovely and settled and secure.

You may well be happy actually, but perhaps there is no 'friction' no obstacles(?) to make you 'aware' of your happiness. So you are content, but don't feel passionate happiness in the way people tend to focus on when they have ups and downs. It's deceptive, because you don't realise you're happy.

But contentment is a form of happiness, the most enduring type of happiness.

Show quote history

Not really a SAHM by choice. Like I said, where I'm from, it's very hard to get a job. Come from a country with a very high unemployment rate and things are not so good. I'm educated but struggling to find employment so I'm home with the kids. My husband works. So maybe the dependency thing also contributes to my feelings. I don't know

OP posts:
Ohthatsabitshit · 16/04/2026 16:36

Have you considered you might be depressed?

Foxytights · 16/04/2026 16:40

I’m like you. I wasn’t happy as a child or as a young adult and I’m not happy now. There was a brief window of two or three years when my children were tiny when I would occasionally think “I am happy” and that always struck me as a wondrous, miraculous thing because I honestly had not believed that it was possible for me to feel like that. Then, things began to unravel, years of bad stuff happening without reprieve, and I went back to my old, unhappy self again. I think this is the way I am supposed to be.

Boomer55 · 16/04/2026 16:42

youalright · 16/04/2026 15:38

I think this is normal. Life is made up of happy moments but I don't think people are walking around 24/7 happy.

This. No one is constantly happy. That’s life. 🤷‍♀️

Keepingongoing · 16/04/2026 17:05

ilovejam · 16/04/2026 16:33

I wouldn't say sad. Just a flat empty feeling. I don't know how to put it into words. Some days I just want to burst into tears. I think it's just who I am and I hate it

Show quote history

Flat empty feeling and wanting to burst into tears sounds quite a lot like mild depression.

Are there any things that you get enjoyment from doing?

Ohnobackagain · 16/04/2026 17:12

@ilovejam could it be that at some level you’re afraid you missed out somehow? Maybe you feel you got a lot of things sorted quite young so you feel you have fewer experiences overall (good or bad). It’s a bit like ‘the grass is greener’ in that it’s mainly around perception rather than you really having missed anything?