Who would you expect to act as next of kin?

[Holtome]

This is an entirely hypotherical situation and I realise there's no actual legal standing for next of kin, but a few things have happened in my life that have made me wonder what might happen in certain circumstances. So, by next of kin I mean the person who does all the running about if you're too sick to do it alone. The person who gets you to appointments, makes sure you're washed and fed, organises prescriptions etc, taks to social services if necessary.

Two scenarios. Someone who lives alone, has adult DC and a long standing but not live in DP, and elderly parents, some decent friends. All live nearby.

Same as above but no DC.

I wouldn't use Next of Kin in this situation, but if you're talking about who should do these things I'd say Adult DC.Elderly parents, obviously not. DP possibly, depends on the relationship and how much you (if it's you) and the DP generally do for each other, and how close you are. Friends, not unless there is no-one else.

Depends on the relationship with the DP. Are they more companions or friends with benefits, or two people in a committed relationship who just don't want to (or can't) live together?

I'm leaving towards DP in both scenarios but I think I'm influenced by my father's DP who, despite not living together because who wants to live with a man once you have fulfilled the gusto the health PoA and partner bit when he was ill.

Ok, so in the situation where there are no DC?

If it's not next of kin, what is it?

First scenario - depends on the relationship between the DC and DP. I’ve seen both working together and the DP being entirely cut out.

with no DC would be the DP, but I do know a couple of times where relationships have ended at the point one needed care (both times when the woman needed care).

It’s more carer than NOK

What is the scenario here, and why do you need to name it? NoK would be blood relatives, so that would be the elderly parents. If it's a case of appointing (or expecting) people to take on these duties, then it depends on the personal relationships between them, their personalities, their availability and capability...

Having cared for DH through his final illness, and experienced the battles with HCPs that required, I have become very concerned about who (if anyone) would do that for me.

Selfishly, I also don't want to be the one expected to do it for new DP. I suspect the reality is that if it were needed, I'd do what was required, but I think it took me 4 years to recover from the trauma of it.

There's quite a difference between the "new DP" of your last post and the "longstanding DP" of your first post.

He's new compared to 30 year DH, but he's well established now.

NOK doesn't have to be blood relatives, you can appoint who you like as NOK.

I would be looking at having LPA in place for both finance and health and welfare, and then the person with LPA is able to make decisions about buying in appropriate care etc.

Next of Kin doesn't oblige anyone to actually undertake care tasks.

But an LPA enables the holder to put it in place.

Surely it would also depend on who is POA...
I would remind everyone that this is an important document- and needs to be filed
However hopefully when you have filled this in you would all have agreement about what your wishes are going forward, and they have to sign it....

Yes, but who would it be?

Whoever the donor chooses it to be (providing the attorney consents). That's the point of a Lasting Power of Attorney, it gives a person (the donor) a legal method of naming person or persons they would like to act for them in the event they are incapacitated and unable to act for themselves.

AFAIK, your formal next of kin is the closest person/people to you by blood or marriage or CP. So a DH/DW then DC or parent.

An LPoA, you can put in place whoever you like if you are of sound mind to do so and they agree to the responsibility.

My understanding is that medical LPAs don’t have to do the graft, they can make the decisions e.g. inform social services there isn’t anyone to do the caring and the person needs support.

I think in what you’re describing it would fall on adult DC if you as partner don’t want to. How would you feel about not being involved in the decision making though?

Next of Kin would be your parents. If no parents, your child. Unless you have appointed someone else. But this has no meaning on what they do to help in your daily life. It's more about who would be informed in certain situations, or who your money would go to if you didn't have a will. There isn't an obligation for them to do anything. I would think that would depend more on relationships and time restraints?

If the children are adults they’d be before the parents for legal things.

Whoever chooses to step up is generally the one that does the running about.

Have you spoken with your children about POA or the likes?

how old are they?

I would start the process for an LPoA now with your DCs as attorneys (it doesn't have to become immediately active) and I would decline any suggestions that you become an attorney if your DP wants to put in place an LPoA, if that's not what you want.

Yes, but. That's exactly my point. Who does do this, and can be expected to do it well, if you dont have a spouse?

DH's last months were awful, but they'd have been a hell of a lot worse if I wasn't there fighting for proper pain relief, carers etc.

I don't know how you arrange this kind of support. It's OK to say get an LPA, but that doesn't mean someone will automatically devote time to advocating for you.

I don't know how you arrange this kind of support. It's OK to say get an LPA, but that doesn't mean someone will automatically devote time to advocating for you.

That's correct, yes. Not everyone will have a person or people who will do this.

You’re talking about “carer” for all the running around and practical stuff, and Power of Attorney for all the legal decision making if you can’t make decisions for yourself. Poa has responsibilities once they have been appointed, but being appointed is a choice; carer is (theoretically) voluntary. So nobody “has” to do any of those things.

Next of kin is the person who the hospital will talk to if you are unconscious or dead to make decisions on your behalf. That would be your dh if you have one, then your parents, then your adult dc unless you name someone else beforehand.

Carer stuff is whoever is willing to do it and can be shared.

Yes, I know, and people talk endlessly about making provision for old age and infirmity, but how....exactly?