I honestly think this is unfair. Thoughts? (Sorry a bit long)

[IveLostMyUsername]

My DD14, year 10, has had a terrible school year. She was finally diagnosed with autism in January, and went through the assessments in October (Two appointments, both in school time as no out of school hours appointments were available and we've waited ages for this assessment).

She's also been having severe gynaecological issues, has been in extreme pain, has been to a&e twice with it as she was showing symptoms of going into shock, cold clammy skin, rapid breathing, literally collapsing on the floor, extreme confusion. She's been referred to the gynaecologist, but is still on the waiting list. I've chased and been assured she's on there but waits are long and they've not got to her date yet.

Because of this she only has 95% attendance. This is purely due to medical issues, no random days off, no school avoidance. No late marks. We had parents evening last month. All very positive, been told she works hard, interacts well, is doing well in her subjects on the whole.

She's also been the subject of a bullying campaign. School got on top of it, it's stopped the the kids involved were dealt with.

So now we come to the end of the year rewards trip. I've been informed that my daughter can't go on the rewards trip as she didn't meet the criteria. This is based on attendance, award points, and negative behaviour points.

Apparently she has -3 behaviour points, this was news to me. It turns out that on the day of her first autism assessment she was marked as extremely late. Despite it showing in the school app as authorised absence. And me clearing it with the school in advance. So she's been marked as both extremely late and authorised absence for the same day, I'm querying this with the school.

Achievement points, she only has 49. No idea if this is good or bad. It's a Hogwarts style system with teachers randomly assigning points as they see fit rather than having clear goals for attaining them. It tends to be that they get assigned to less high achieving kids who work hard according to DD, but she's 14 so I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.

So between this apparently low amount of points, the medical absences, and the -3 behaviour points my daughter isn't eligible for the trip.
Every single one of her friends is attending this trip. So she's going to be stuck in school that day on her own.

I can only think it's the attendance that's really wrecked her chances. But 95% isn't that low. She's never had a detention or been in any trouble.
She's qualified for this trip every year so far. The child who was bullying DD got 3 days detention, but is eligible for the trip.

I'm not going to be that parent and make a huge fuss, but I'm gutted for her. She really doesn't get why she's being "punished" (I mean she isn't, but she's not being rewarded) especially as the time she's had off school is all for medical appointments or trips to a&e. She feels she's being punished for being ill whereas people who have genuinely behaved badly have been rewarded.

I just don't know what to say to her.

I think the bully going demonstrates the heart of the issue.

if OPs daughter had 7 absences, 6 of which were authorised for medical needs, one of which she was actually on the school grounds, then at best she has had 1 day absence which would equate to about 99.2% attainment but even then should really be considered authorised or present given the situation.

the bully, who had 3 days detention - isn’t classed as absent because their detention was on school - premises - and yet absent from class. Same as the last scenario of the OPs daughter.

Only one of them is being rewarded. They have applied the rules of absence differently. Why?

Is she mostly upset because all her friends are going and she’s the only one in her friendship group not? If all her friends also weren’t going, would she be ok about it? I think it sounds like they have followed the rules that apply to everyone. If the bully meets the criteria for a place, then that’s life. The bullying was dealt with as a separate issue. Can you arrange a day out with her friends at the weekend, using the money you have saved by her not going on this trip, as a reward from you to her instead? You can query the absence still but sounds like she missed by a mile not a whisker. I hope she cheers up about it. She must be feeling miserable. That’s hard.

What a horrible policy to only take 200 children.

Some of the wealthy parents in dd's school were pushing for an expensive school trip and the school shut it down immediately, it had to be accessible for every pupil. Or no trip.

Absences due to disability have to be treated differently in the workplace.

You seem convinced it’s down to attendance but has the school actually confirmed this? At our school, at the end of the year, the students are ranked by [number of reward points] minus [number of behaviour points]. The top 10 (about 5%) are then picked to go on the rewards trip. They are not ranked by attendance although if someone in the top 10 had poor attendance without good reason, then they would probably lose their place. It’s unlikely someone with poor attendance would score highly for reward points anyway. But your DD has 95% attendance which is good so that wouldn’t affect it.

How many reward points did she get last year? Could it be that she’s not been getting so many this year? If she’s ranked 257 out of 500, that suggests that her peers are getting more. Reward points can be quite an arbitrary thing with the children who need more encouragement to work or behave getting more, and the quiet studious ones sometimes not getting as many as they deserve.

Final update if anyone's interested, I spoke to the HOY, was very civil and pleasant. We went over it and basically it's a mix of her award points being good but not spectacular, and her attendance. I totally get this, and she did say that in future they're going to look into how medical absences are noted, and make sure that parents are more aware of the criteria.

She also agreed with me that the girl bullying my daughter shouldn't be allowed to go on the trip. However the lists for the trip were populated on a certain date. The bullying came out the week after. So on the date the list was populated she was eligible, and as her parents have already paid there's nothing that can be done.

While I totally get the reasons and yes they can't take everyone, the HOY would rather take everyone with no negative behaviour points, it's all to do with timing for how many kids they can take.

Edited to add. They did remove her negative behaviour points as they were unfairly added.

So I'm not angry. I am obviously disappointed for my daughter, but I'm not angry. However I think that on the day we'll be doing something else with my daughter as essentially her entire form group is out for the day (confirmed with HOY who gave me a nod and a wink that maybe her mental health would be better if she wasn't at school that day, but obviously can't encourage me to do so)

I mean well done for having a civil conversation but these points based trips are just awful in every way. Hopefully you’ve made the head think. And I really hope you have a brilliant day out with your daughter. I wouldn’t take her to where she was supposed to go with the school. I’d take her to somewhere better.

Thanks for your final update OP. Hope you do something nice with DD. Just had a discussion about it with DH he agrees with me it's really unfair. He would never have got on a trip.
He said it would be fair if names were just drawn out of a hat. Not the 200 elite
Also he said he'd get his own trip up and turn up at the same time.
Makes me laugh all the talk about good attendance when it suits.

Thanks for the update OP. And they complain parents don't back the school enough these days!

Hopefully by the time it comes round the bruises will have faded, and she can just enjoy the day with you doing something nice.