Can you help me make peace with my new body

[ReconcileMe]

Warning: shallow self obsessed navel gazing thread.

I’m really struggling with the menopausal weight gain. It’s only 5kg (so far) and I am still within the healthy BMI range but it’s all on my stomach and I hate the rolls. Plus I find them uncomfortable when sitting.
I have been calorie counting and trying to keep in a deficit but my god it’s miserable.

I am very petite so a deficit for me is 1275kcal a day which is basically nothing. It also means that any excess weight shows.

I’ve kind of decided that I hate restricting food and I want to eat normally, but at the same time I’m really not happy with how I look with the extra weight. I don’t want go through the rest of my life worrying about food so I need to find some way to accept my flabby bits and to feel happy in my skin. Being skinny does not feel
better than good food tastes. Sorry Kate Moss.

It’s not about feeling hungry so much as wanting to eat all the delicious foods there are in the world without worrying about calories. I eat reasonably healthily normally, lots of veg and pulses, and I do enjoy healthy food but I also enjoy chocolate and tiramisu and bread and cheese and a ribeye steak. (If anyone suggests making tiramisu overnight oats or weetabix I may lose my shit. No, I do not want to eat an inferior version!). I’m not wanting to eat excessive amounts or only fatty foods, just a normal amount within a balanced diet. But I can no longer do this without gaining weight. So does anyone have any wisdom to share on self acceptance?

(Also wtf is the AI suggested title about??)

I was considering starting a thread like this.All through peri I worked loads in a physical job.
Now I only do 35 hr week but I do walk over 20 miles a week too.
I've always been slim just tried on my Tu clothes and the gap between my top button on the jeans days my waist has thickened.
I needed some weight gain to stop looking gaunt but my belly....

It’s frustrating isn’t it? I remember by mum not wanting to wear a dress because it showed her upper arms and also remember her fretting about her wrinkles and teenage me was like “who cares, nobody is looking at you” but now that it’s me, I’m finding that I very much do care.

Do you exercise? I don’t even mean it just as a weight loss thing, but a body confidence/feeling better in yourself thing.

I’d say I’m more active than do specific exercise. I’m on my feet all day at work and usually at home too. Go up and down stairs 25-30 times in normal daily life. I walk everywhere I can (usually a minimum of 30km a week-over 50 if I do any proper walks but these have been less regular in the last few months due to hip and knee pain). I do 1-2 yoga classes a week and odd bits every day- just a couple of sun salutations or stretches here and there.
I have tried doing dumbbell workouts or other online workouts but I actually find they make me focus on and hate my body more. Maybe I’d need to keep going with them longer than a month or two?

Exercise has helped me be more 'body neutral'. I managed to unlink exercise and body image a while ago. I'm not exercising to change the way I look but to reach a specific goal. Any time I manage to bench press or deadlift a bit heavier I feel such a sense of achievement. Or completing a race after training for it.

That doesn't mean I don't ever think about or try losing weight but it's less of a constant hum in the background than it used to be.

Exercise.

I’m in the overweight category - BMI of about 27. But I’m so fit and strong that I barely worry about it any more. I enjoy what my body can do, for the first time in my almost 52 years.

Your body isn’t daft. You gain weight around your middle around menopause as a reaction to lowering oestrogen - it’s stored in the extra tummy fat, so your body holds onto it. Amazing, really. Having a little bit of extra weight now also indicates better health outcomes in later life.

Focus on building muscle and bone strength and future proofing. I find I’m much happier now I’m working with my body instead of fighting it.

30 miles not km, sorry

I'm with you and feel exactly the same. It's not fair.

You can absolutely still eat the foods you love! I just work it into my calorie allowance. Yes I’d love to eat chocolate cake every day, but that’s not how it works if you don’t want the excess fat. Yes it’s shit, but that’s life.

I’m 41 and definitely in peri, been slim all my life , I now have curvy hips and my boobs are growing at an alarming rate, if anything I eat less, I go the gym at least 3 times a week, I’m petite too so now look all bum and boobs I’m shocked at this new body and baffles me why ?
but I guess it age and I’ll have to work with it , I’ve started to go in the stepper machine ever session at the gym and it does seem to be toning my body so you could give that a go, I aim to do 30 mins each session.

I’m the same. After years of being the same weight and size as I was at 18 I’ve put on a stone and a half that all seems to have settled around my waist. Also still within a healthy BMI, (23) I am shocked when I see myself in photos sometimes, I feel I look so frumpy and out of proportion with all the middle aged spread.

I’ve pretty much come to terms with it though, when I get a bit fed up, I sing “you’re not 19 forever” to myself 😆 and talk myself down. I also bookmarked a thread in the style section of MN on dressing for an apple shape which has helped me to get clothes that suit, rather than still trying to dress like a student from the 1990s ( my prime I think). I’ve still got good legs and my arms are ok at the top, so I try to focus on that.

Overall, I don’t feel too bad now for early/ approaching mid 50s and I do treat myself but I don’t want to make the rolls it any worse than they are. So I’ve found (boringly) cutting down alcohol helps, and eating within a smaller window of between around 10.30 and 6.30 a few days a week when I feel motivated means I can lose a few pounds ( that later go back on, then off again). I’ve got a very busy, active lifestyle but don’t have time for weights, which as pp have said, I feel is what is missing at the moment. When I retire I will go back to the gym again and start more of that.

But you can’t really. If I have a cake or even two chocolates from a box then I have to cut one of my meals to under 200kcal to compensate. And then I’d be hungry and probably under nourished. When you are 5ft there is literally no leeway.

Agree with PP to focus on exercise, particularly what your body can do. Following two injuries which essentially mean I can’t do any kind of intensive cardio ever again, I’ve been doing reformer pilates for a couple of years now and the change in strength, flexibility and muscle definition is unreal.
Plus I get a real sense of achievement from nailing poses I thought would be impossible when I started!

Same here, I remember on holiday thinking where did that tummy come from.
I am focusing on strength, protein, low cardio and HIIT and that stops the negative chatter in my head.

Thanks for all the responses, good to hear I’m not the only one.
I feel like when I was growing up late 40’s mothers were allowed to look like late 40’s mothers. Now it feels like everyone is expected to spend hours in the gym and maintain the body of a 20 year old. Or maybe women have always felt this pressure but I just wasn’t aware of it until I was the late 40’s mother.

I do appreciate the responses saying to focus on exercise and what my body can do but that still feels like not accepting myself as I am!

yes body recomposition will help tone as well as protect bones

I can recommend stacy sims - I’ve done/ do power happens and it had / has a huge impact on me. Was aiming for strength but I’ve totally changed. You can try the free app. Lots of nutritional advice too.

rowing is one of the best all round muscle building exercises- I bought a water rower expecting it to end up on eBay but it’s been the best thing ever! It also doesn’t take much time.

just do it for your bones and heart health

Op, are you on hrt? I’ve found my waist has returned and my stomach is flat again, 6 months into starting hrt.

My female personal trainer says that your calories dictate your weight, macros dictate your shape.

So, if you are having too much sugar or fat, you will be bigger in the middle.

This is true through all walks of life, including peri and post menopause.

Solution? Eat less of these things and more lean proteins and non-starchy foods OR dress in a way that is flattering to your shape.

Same OP except I am slightly in overweight category. No advice I have lost some but it’s so slow. The healthy weight range is lower for me as as Asian origin and I hate it. Lower end of the range just won’t happen even though I’m petite. I don’t actually care what others think but what about health

My username sums up my feelings on this

Re Stacy Sims; she frequently mentions that just increasing protein intake can have an impact on fat v muscle and weight loss.

Women do better with a big breakfast which includes a decent amount of protein.

(I had to get into all this due to breast cancer which meant I had to come off hrt and go on tamoxifen. Exercise - both cardio and resistance training reduces risk of reoccurrence. I followed advice from a cancer book to have 30 G protein each meal to support the exercise and energy . After doing the exercises in there I needed to move on, so did so to Power Happens. It’s the main way I’ve learnt to manage sudden menopause due to cancer and ongoing menopausal side effects of tamoxifen.)

I’m 55 and was always slightly pear-shaped and had a flat stomach even after two children( though obviously a little softer) but now any excess goes to my belly. I am 5ft 5 and about 9st 10 so not overweight.
What has helped is that I am now mostly focussed on my health and future health. This means as a pp said I am not always thinking about how it looks BUT it has started to reduce my belly and tone me up as a consequence.
I eat very well( no upf and a lot of veg, beans, lean meat etc 99% of the time) and I workout with dumbbells and kettlebell at home every other day for about 30 mins plus a daily 30 min dog walk- more at weekends. I would add that I have always found exercise routines fall by the wayside but something has clicked and it’s now a rule that I do it every other day. As it’s at home, my weights are under the sofa so I just put something on the tv and workout in any t-shirt and the time flies by. I can feel my arms toning💪🏻😉.^^
Also as a consequence of it making me feel bad I drink little alcohol these days.

This is exactly the routine my cancer book gave me. Every other day, around 30 mins. About 6 moves which a timetable of reps. Started that nearly 3 years ago. This is also how I eat too, UPF free, loads of plant protein though I do have dairy and fish and occasional meat. That’s definitely helped the menopausal symptoms and I get less joint pain.

Also have to have them under the sofa. In a nice basket with some bands. Mine are adjustable so they take up little space.

I’ve now also got a TRX and sometimes do some plyometrics as well.

I had to start adding in a pea protein shake when I started increasing the weights which is vile but helps a lot - I’d get really tired if I didn’t. I found creatine really helpful too.

No I have been trying to get an appointment with the gp for 4 months or more and keep getting a message back to say my request has been marked as routine and they’ll be in touch when appointments become available. It’s so frustrating. All I can do is keep requesting.

Check out the Glucose Goddess on Instagram. She’s great and adopting some of the advice there has been a game changer