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Is my neighbor totally out of line?

37 replies

Catlady31 · 11/04/2026 21:28

Quick Back story:
Myself and my husband, both 30s, have 2 children aged 1 & 4. We have rented our semi d home nearly for 2 years and our neighbor (bit younger than us, no kids) moved in a few months later. We had never said more than hello to each other until all this trouble kicked off.

  • The End of January she complained to our landlord via text. Just that there was lot of noise during the day the previous few weeks and banging. She Did not come to us first. We were quite taken aback by the complaint and the next day I went to her face to face to apologize and clear the air. I explained the noise. And told her we would keep it down. I was very civil. I told her to please call in if there was any further issues. She didn’t agree or disagree to this. She didn’t say much just that she understands children will be children. She didn’t acknowledge my children, who were standing there with me.
  • The following day she started logging the noise, which we saw 4 weeks later when she sent her next complaint via text to landlord who sent it onto us.
  • This time she was much more detailed which included logs of noises, dates and times. She started by saying we were quiet for “approx 11 days” which “proved the behavior can be controlled”.
  • She claimed we were forcefully and repeatedly slamming doors. She said she counted 50 times in one particular day. She said she tested out slamming doors in her own house and that it would have to be done with serious force to make such noise. These noises are in-fact noises from our children playing. We have wood and tiles throughout the house. Rugs are expensive but we have some. These noises were also noises from kitchen presses and drawers closing repeatedly from us simply cooking & cleaning throughout the day, no one was forcefully closing anything and it was never the actual doors.
  • We quickly made changes to combat the noises including repeatedly telling our 4 yr old to be quiet, stop running, jumping, playing with his cars without a mat under them, to the point where I am so stressed out when he plays now. We have spent over €50 to appease this woman on things such as soft closure pads, which we have put onto every cupboard door and drawer in the house, finger guards for the actual doors, an extra kids play mat and just this week a camera to record audio as proof.
  • We went to the gardai soon after this second complaint. We felt harassed. We filed the issue with them.
  • By this stage I was not willing to meet face to face with this woman as she clearly did not have any interest in speaking to me and is not a reasonable person. We informed the landlord that we went to the gardai. We asked him to please let her know what these noises actually are, that we are not forcefully and repeatedly slamming doors, that it is children playing and we have taken measures to prevent this from continuing but to remind her it is daytime, normal noise.
  • This week she complained via text to landlord for the third time.
  • This complaint stated the ‘door slams have reduced’. So the landlord obviously did not inform her that these noises were not doors slamming. He appears to have no interest in this matter. He is very nice and we have had no issues here until this. He said he spoke to his solicitor who says our lovely neighbour has no case here, it is all normal noises. He told me we shouldn’t be worried about our tenancy rights as I told him I am concerned now. Our neighbor is using all the right buzz words particularly in this third complaint to go and make a formal complaint somewhere, the local authority perhaps.
  • This third complaint mentions noise “early mornings and “late at night” and “disturbing her sleep at night”. We are very lucky that our children are great sleepers and will be settled by 9pm through till 7/8am. So we are unsure about these claims and therefore purchased a camera.
  • The third complaint has also included 3 audio recordings. They are all noises of our children playing, 2 are of our 4 yr old son running, 1 is of our 1 year old banging her cot while going down for nap & sleep. We have moved her cot from the wall. But 1 year olds are quite unreasonable people so I’m not sure what else we can do about that. There is no voices audible but is this normal thing to do, recording children while they play and are in bed?
  • This third complaint she says it is ‘now a noise nuisance rather than a general complaint’.
  • The landlord has said he would like for us to meet her face to face to discuss this. I agreed. I’ve now changed my mind particularly since hearing the Audio recordings. I feel threatened at this stage. She has crossed a line now. This is harassment of my family and my children. My husband is going to speak to her instead and keep it very civil and matter of fact.
  • This situation has been increasingly effecting our quality of life in our home. I am feeling very anxious and it is effecting my sleep. I am regularly shushing our children for simply being children.. My children are being recorded going to sleep and playing, in their own home.
  • I know this has gone too far and should have been sorted months ago. She should have come to us first. Our landlord should also have nipped this in the bud weeks ago. It seems like neither wants to deal with confrontation. Even the garda we spoke to asked us why is he entertaining her at all. She also told us to keep doing what we normally do and that we’ve been more than accommodating making these changes and apologizing to her.
  • Just to point out, We have been on the other side of this. We had neighbors beside and above us for years in our last place. Before we had our own. We never once complained, we understand kids being kids and what’s considered normal noise, however annoying it might be.

Beyond freaked out and angry at how this has turned now. I feel we have been more than accommodating to her and I refuse to apologize again. She owes us the apology now if anything!
Has anyone experienced this level of complaints from a neighbor? What would you do at this stage?
Thanks if you read this far!

OP posts:
Fast800goingforit · 11/04/2026 21:48

What does your landlord think the face to face meeting will achieve? It sounds as though your neighbour is particularly sensitive to noise and the sound insulation between your homes isn't good.

Twasasurprise · 11/04/2026 21:50

I am surprised that a child running can be heard next door, to the extent that you can identify it on the audio recording, and you not consider it might be a nuisance.

I don't think your neighbour is out of line, the noise disturbance must be horrendous for her and she has done nothing wrong in keeping records and reporting to the landlord.

However, I'm not saying you are at fault either, but reporting her to the police for harassment doesn't seem reasonable when she was taking the correct steps to report the issue.

The properties are clearly poorly built with no sound insulation. Wood and tiles are apparently inappropriate flooring for your home in these circumstances. Is the landlord willing to carpet at least some of the rooms, as this will really help absorb some of the sound?

OriginalUsername2 · 11/04/2026 22:04

Not much you can do now, I’d just let her get on with it.

Catlady31 · 11/04/2026 22:13

Twasasurprise · 11/04/2026 21:50

I am surprised that a child running can be heard next door, to the extent that you can identify it on the audio recording, and you not consider it might be a nuisance.

I don't think your neighbour is out of line, the noise disturbance must be horrendous for her and she has done nothing wrong in keeping records and reporting to the landlord.

However, I'm not saying you are at fault either, but reporting her to the police for harassment doesn't seem reasonable when she was taking the correct steps to report the issue.

The properties are clearly poorly built with no sound insulation. Wood and tiles are apparently inappropriate flooring for your home in these circumstances. Is the landlord willing to carpet at least some of the rooms, as this will really help absorb some of the sound?

Of course i consider it a nuisance hence constantly telling my child to be quiet and stop running/jumping.
The correct way to go about this was to first to come to us. Which she didn’t and didn’t after I asked her to. The landlord doesn’t care. And he told me he won’t be putting carpets down.

OP posts:
Catlady31 · 11/04/2026 22:15

Fast800goingforit · 11/04/2026 21:48

What does your landlord think the face to face meeting will achieve? It sounds as though your neighbour is particularly sensitive to noise and the sound insulation between your homes isn't good.

He just wants to wash his hands of it I think. I don’t blame him but we have done all we can and it’s still not good enough for her. So the complaints may continue. And the recording of my children may continue too.

OP posts:
Oldermumofone · 11/04/2026 22:28

Is it a 1960s build? We had very similar from our neighbours and we recorded sound on our side which always stayed within reasonable limits but they wanted to sit in silence and not be able to hear us which was impossible to achieve especially with a young baby/toddler. Luckily they moved as I totally get how on edge you feel with every noise the kids make. We now have neighbours with chn who of course we can hear from time to time but we are busy focussing on our own lives so don’t obsess about it!

Catlady31 · 11/04/2026 22:50

Oldermumofone · 11/04/2026 22:28

Is it a 1960s build? We had very similar from our neighbours and we recorded sound on our side which always stayed within reasonable limits but they wanted to sit in silence and not be able to hear us which was impossible to achieve especially with a young baby/toddler. Luckily they moved as I totally get how on edge you feel with every noise the kids make. We now have neighbours with chn who of course we can hear from time to time but we are busy focussing on our own lives so don’t obsess about it!

It’s the worst, like parenting isn’t hard enough. When we eventually buy and move on, it will be most likely a family moving in here after us so she will continue to complain I guess. She should have bought in the countryside, which is actually what we plan on doing so our children can run free lol.
No the houses are actually only 15 years old, if even. So I guess it’s all houses. Our last place was a new apartment building, we heard shouting and crying from next door and stamping and running from upstairs.

OP posts:
InconsequentialFerret · 11/04/2026 23:10

It feels like a bit of anticipation from you wouldn't have gone amiss.

Such as realising all the cupboards banging needed pads before the noise had to be pointed out. And moving the cot when you knew baby banged the frame against the party wall before that was pointed out.

It's not about her being creepy, it's about being driven mad by the banging of a cot against her wall, and the noise of a small child running and jumping on wooden floors.

Maybe you're just generally a louder family and don't notice the noise you're making, so it sounds normal to you, but is a nuisance to someone else.

TallyWhacker · 11/04/2026 23:48

InconsequentialFerret · 11/04/2026 23:10

It feels like a bit of anticipation from you wouldn't have gone amiss.

Such as realising all the cupboards banging needed pads before the noise had to be pointed out. And moving the cot when you knew baby banged the frame against the party wall before that was pointed out.

It's not about her being creepy, it's about being driven mad by the banging of a cot against her wall, and the noise of a small child running and jumping on wooden floors.

Maybe you're just generally a louder family and don't notice the noise you're making, so it sounds normal to you, but is a nuisance to someone else.

Completely agree

HotRootsAndNaughtyToots · 11/04/2026 23:55

Not placing any blame here but maybe the easiest thing to do is start looking for somewhere else to rent?

Then you remove the stress of worrying if you'll be kicked out or of having to live next door to her indefinitely.

Fast800goingforit · 12/04/2026 09:39

HotRootsAndNaughtyToots · 11/04/2026 23:55

Not placing any blame here but maybe the easiest thing to do is start looking for somewhere else to rent?

Then you remove the stress of worrying if you'll be kicked out or of having to live next door to her indefinitely.

Who's to say what the neighbours would be like anywhere else.

I suggest you record her back. If it's that easy for her to hear you then the reverse must also be true? The key thing is that there is normal noise from neighbours and that's what this is. If you do agree to meet with her, record the conversation, with her permission. From your perspective I would make it clear how upset you are that it escalated straight to the landlord, which feels like an attempt to get you evicted, ask for an explanation of the nighttime noise as you don't recognise that as you're all asleep. So no defensiveness, just ask what she wants to achieve and why she won't engage with you. Make sure you convey how upset and threatened you are feeling. Tell her the landlord has refused to carpet the place. I can't see a resolution here tbh and question the wisdom of meeting to discuss without a mediator present.

Fluffyholeysocks · 12/04/2026 09:54

Keep it factual - what noises can she hear at night? When and at what time?
Explain what you have done to reduce the 'noise', cupboard pads, door closers, moving cot, rugs etc.
Let her know your Landlord won't carpet your house.
So, after all these accomodations - what does she feel reasonable for you to do if she continues to be inconvenienced by 'noise'? What precisely?
Then tell her you feel slightly harassed by the continuing reports to the LL, and the recordings. You have spoken to the Gardai as you feel your families right to a private life is being undermined.

SnipSnipMrBurgess · 12/04/2026 09:54

HotRootsAndNaughtyToots · 11/04/2026 23:55

Not placing any blame here but maybe the easiest thing to do is start looking for somewhere else to rent?

Then you remove the stress of worrying if you'll be kicked out or of having to live next door to her indefinitely.

With the mention of the gardai I am assuming the OP is in Ireland, and there is a massive rental shortage here at the moment, not expected to end any time soon. I imagine fear of losing tenancy adds to the anxiety. Im a bit shocked a neighbour would escalate this knowing the risk, i have a next door neighbour who rents, her dog is a noisy yapper every time she leaves the house but I wouldn't mention to the landlord in this climate for fear she end up homeless. We live in a world where noise exists, we must have some understanding.

OP have you talked to Threshold to get some guidance?

Id do what was reasonable now, add some soft close stoppers to the cabinet, put cheapy rugs down where you can, rejig the rooms so they are away from the walls and encourage outdoor play where possible so if it does go to mediation, council etc you can confirm you have taken all steps you can.

OneTimeThingToday · 12/04/2026 10:05

What moises can you hear from your neighbour?

Mumofoneandone · 12/04/2026 10:23

I think she is being completely unreasonable. If she had an issue with noise, she should have approached you first, before contacting the LL. (Interesting, how did she know who he is and contact details).
You have taken on board her points about noise and done what you can to mitigate noises. Also the noises she is claiming are occurring are simply untrue ie door slamming.......
Stop recording your children and shushing them etc, as everyone will get more tense and make the situation worse. (Obviously manage their behaviour appropriately but they are young children.....)
She sounds somewhat unhinged and now has an issue with you. I think you need to send her a legal letter to disist with her false noise complaints against you. And if she doesn't you will be forced to take further legal action against her.
FWIW I have a condition that is worsened by noise - I just have to put ear plugs in and manage life as best I can. (So I am sympathetic to noise from neighbouring houses but not obsessive like your neighbour!)

WearyLady · 12/04/2026 10:52

It sounds like you’ve done all you can to mitigate any noise nuisance and it sounds like your neighbour is being overly sensitive. Ultimately, though, this is a landlord problem. These are his properties and he’s failing to take any action to improve sound proofing between them. I’m assuming you had no complaints from previous neighbours so I’d keep falling back on that fact to substantiate your claim that your noise levels are normal and just a result of day-to-day living. In the meantime, just try and get on with your life and let your children carry on as they were. Good luck.

Toooldforlonghair · 12/04/2026 11:10

I am Irish (live in UK but parents are in Ireland). My late DF was a qualified self employed carpenter so worked in different houses all the time. He used to be particularly scathing of new builds which would have been constructed around the same time as yours OP. He always said he would never buy one because the walls were so thin and poorly insulated and that working alone in houses he could hear everything from the adjoining properties even with the noise emanating from his own tools. So, much as I think your neighbour is being very unreasonable in her conduct, she may well have a point.
However I do think there is a psychological aspect to it as well. From experience, once you become aware of things like noise it tends to become magnified in your head and takes over, made worse if you are alone and have nothing to distract you. I think this is what has happened with your neighbour and unless she recognises this nothing will change. You could try contacting CATU (the tennants union) they might be able to help, if not I think your only choice is to ignore and hope something else comes along to occupy her.

SnappyOchre · 12/04/2026 11:12

Did you really think police involvement was going to make things better? What a total overreaction.

Twasasurprise · 12/04/2026 11:17

WearyLady · 12/04/2026 10:52

It sounds like you’ve done all you can to mitigate any noise nuisance and it sounds like your neighbour is being overly sensitive. Ultimately, though, this is a landlord problem. These are his properties and he’s failing to take any action to improve sound proofing between them. I’m assuming you had no complaints from previous neighbours so I’d keep falling back on that fact to substantiate your claim that your noise levels are normal and just a result of day-to-day living. In the meantime, just try and get on with your life and let your children carry on as they were. Good luck.

The previous neighbour moved out a few months after OP moved in, which might give more credence to the neighbour's complaint.

ERthree · 12/04/2026 11:36

You have wooden floors and few rugs, you had drawers and cupboards that weren't soft closing, you had a cot against a party wall and live in a modern house yet here you are complaining that your neighbour finds your racket too much ! Maybe that is because you are noisy neighbours making her life hell.

AgnesMcDoo · 12/04/2026 11:37

It doesn’t sound to me like neighbours done anything wrong.

Chewbecca · 12/04/2026 11:45
  • you think the correct first move was to talk to you but that's just your opinion, your neighbour clearly didn't and that's ok too. Some people don't like confrontation or prefer to go through the 'correct' route.
  • why did you go to the police? Because your neighbour complained about you to your landlord, twice? That's a very odd complaint.
  • your neighbour needs to apologise for complaining about your noise? Or for capturing evidence about the noise they experience? That's nothing to apologise for.
  • I do think the landlord could help better sound insulate the property. Lay carpet would be helpful. Could you suggest that? It makes a big difference.

(Edited to add clarity)

FrankieMcGrath · 12/04/2026 11:45

Me neither @AgnesMcDoo?!!

Weregoingtothefuckingmoon · 12/04/2026 11:54

If the walls are really thin do you hear her too? Our walls are really thin so we try to be mindful with DC but our neighbour has never complained. She lives alone but we hear doors closing, the washing machine, when she plugs things in on the shared wall and her washing machine and her phone ringing so I know she must hear us.

If you can hear keep a diary of the noises and maybe record some so she can see that the walls are very thin and it works both ways?

hididdlyho · 12/04/2026 12:02

Does the landlord own both your's and neighbour's properties? If you've been good tenants for 2 years and no complaints from your previous neighbour, I'd imagine he won't want to renew this new tenant's lease if she keeps making complaints.

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