Is my neighbor totally out of line?

[Catlady31]

Quick Back story:
Myself and my husband, both 30s, have 2 children aged 1 & 4. We have rented our semi d home nearly for 2 years and our neighbor (bit younger than us, no kids) moved in a few months later. We had never said more than hello to each other until all this trouble kicked off.

• The End of January she complained to our landlord via text. Just that there was lot of noise during the day the previous few weeks and banging. She Did not come to us first. We were quite taken aback by the complaint and the next day I went to her face to face to apologize and clear the air. I explained the noise. And told her we would keep it down. I was very civil. I told her to please call in if there was any further issues. She didn’t agree or disagree to this. She didn’t say much just that she understands children will be children. She didn’t acknowledge my children, who were standing there with me.
• The following day she started logging the noise, which we saw 4 weeks later when she sent her next complaint via text to landlord who sent it onto us.
• This time she was much more detailed which included logs of noises, dates and times. She started by saying we were quiet for “approx 11 days” which “proved the behavior can be controlled”.
• She claimed we were forcefully and repeatedly slamming doors. She said she counted 50 times in one particular day. She said she tested out slamming doors in her own house and that it would have to be done with serious force to make such noise. These noises are in-fact noises from our children playing. We have wood and tiles throughout the house. Rugs are expensive but we have some. These noises were also noises from kitchen presses and drawers closing repeatedly from us simply cooking & cleaning throughout the day, no one was forcefully closing anything and it was never the actual doors.
• We quickly made changes to combat the noises including repeatedly telling our 4 yr old to be quiet, stop running, jumping, playing with his cars without a mat under them, to the point where I am so stressed out when he plays now. We have spent over €50 to appease this woman on things such as soft closure pads, which we have put onto every cupboard door and drawer in the house, finger guards for the actual doors, an extra kids play mat and just this week a camera to record audio as proof.
• We went to the gardai soon after this second complaint. We felt harassed. We filed the issue with them.
• By this stage I was not willing to meet face to face with this woman as she clearly did not have any interest in speaking to me and is not a reasonable person. We informed the landlord that we went to the gardai. We asked him to please let her know what these noises actually are, that we are not forcefully and repeatedly slamming doors, that it is children playing and we have taken measures to prevent this from continuing but to remind her it is daytime, normal noise.
• This week she complained via text to landlord for the third time.
• This complaint stated the ‘door slams have reduced’. So the landlord obviously did not inform her that these noises were not doors slamming. He appears to have no interest in this matter. He is very nice and we have had no issues here until this. He said he spoke to his solicitor who says our lovely neighbour has no case here, it is all normal noises. He told me we shouldn’t be worried about our tenancy rights as I told him I am concerned now. Our neighbor is using all the right buzz words particularly in this third complaint to go and make a formal complaint somewhere, the local authority perhaps.
• This third complaint mentions noise “early mornings and “late at night” and “disturbing her sleep at night”. We are very lucky that our children are great sleepers and will be settled by 9pm through till 7/8am. So we are unsure about these claims and therefore purchased a camera.
• The third complaint has also included 3 audio recordings. They are all noises of our children playing, 2 are of our 4 yr old son running, 1 is of our 1 year old banging her cot while going down for nap & sleep. We have moved her cot from the wall. But 1 year olds are quite unreasonable people so I’m not sure what else we can do about that. There is no voices audible but is this normal thing to do, recording children while they play and are in bed?
• This third complaint she says it is ‘now a noise nuisance rather than a general complaint’.
• The landlord has said he would like for us to meet her face to face to discuss this. I agreed. I’ve now changed my mind particularly since hearing the Audio recordings. I feel threatened at this stage. She has crossed a line now. This is harassment of my family and my children. My husband is going to speak to her instead and keep it very civil and matter of fact.
• This situation has been increasingly effecting our quality of life in our home. I am feeling very anxious and it is effecting my sleep. I am regularly shushing our children for simply being children.. My children are being recorded going to sleep and playing, in their own home.
• I know this has gone too far and should have been sorted months ago. She should have come to us first. Our landlord should also have nipped this in the bud weeks ago. It seems like neither wants to deal with confrontation. Even the garda we spoke to asked us why is he entertaining her at all. She also told us to keep doing what we normally do and that we’ve been more than accommodating making these changes and apologizing to her.
• Just to point out, We have been on the other side of this. We had neighbors beside and above us for years in our last place. Before we had our own. We never once complained, we understand kids being kids and what’s considered normal noise, however annoying it might be.

Beyond freaked out and angry at how this has turned now. I feel we have been more than accommodating to her and I refuse to apologize again. She owes us the apology now if anything!
Has anyone experienced this level of complaints from a neighbor? What would you do at this stage?
Thanks if you read this far!

As pp said, it is quite likely that you just don't realise how loud you are, as parents develop a much higher tolerance to noise than other demographics. Especially kid noise - repetitive running, banging, slamming, calling "mummy.... mummy... mummy... mummy" etc. I'm not saying you are expected to live in silence, but that you simply may may be used to the volume.

There is a family near me who are just a LOUD lot too. Their back garden is at an angle to the front of my house, yet I can hear the exact words they are saying in my own back garden. They simply don't seem able to communicate at a quieter level or even comprehend they are being so loud.

Rugs are not expensive from IKEA. You can take them with you when you move.

If your NDN lives alone her house is probably more quiet, making g noise from the adjoining property more noticeable. Added to that, you're in a new build with poor sound 8nsulatiin and wooden floors. Let's face it, toddlers don't know how to walk quietly. They stomp and run about, thudding their feet on floors and stairs. Having lived next door to this myself, I can vouch that it can be extremely irritating.

You've already put some measures in places which is great. I would try and source some cheap rugs that can be placed on the downstairs floors, even if they're only down while the DC are awake. Alternatively, those foam squares that fit together like a jigsaw. As someone above said, you're probably used to the noise you all produce and don't notice it so much. It can be hellish living next door to it though.

@Mumofoneandone I understood both the OP and the neighbour had the same landlord.

You seem to be in Ireland so the regulations may be quite different, but when I had to deal with noise complaints when I was a local authority housing officer, we requested that the complanant diarised all the incidents of noise and recorded them if possible. Quite often neighbours don't realise that they are being noisy or that noise carries and can be heard quite differently in different parts of the house. While you feel she should have contacted you first, many single women are reluctant to do so especially if they have to confront a man next door.
But some cheap rugs, as an initial effort to reduce noise.

1. There's only been one post from today, which was from an expert in ths field (as far as we know), so perhaps try paying attention and drop the misogynistic slurs.

1. Actually try reading the thread. You aren't alone in your late to the party "advice".

You mentioned the gardai. Presumably you must be in the Republic of Ireland.

Don't know what constitutes domestic noise there. But l wouldn't want to live next for to you. You sound like a night mare.

Sorry... this might be that I dont understand what this means in Ireland. But why cant you just ignore her complaint? What could she achieve with this?

I assume your NDN is a mortgage payer/owner and has weaponised the fact that you are renting. I despise this sort of behaviour because I suffered it myself way back when I was renting.

To begin with your LL should have shut the complaints down immediately by pointing out that you have not in any way breached your lease and that therefore he could not intervene. By doing so he has harassed you and there are serious penalties for landlords who harass their tenants. He should have written to tell her this, and that he cannot intervene in a personal dispute. Therefore she would have to make her own arrangements. I post on a landlords forum and can tell you that sensible landlords are very reluctant to intervene in personal disputes. Unless the tenants actions are likely to damage the property or draw attention from official bodies LLs are reluctant to get involved with snitching neighbours.

In a few weeks the entire rental landscape will change and tenants will be in a much more powerful position. I would wait til after May 1st and hen write your landlord a strongly worded but polite letter pointing out that you are feeling harassed by him coming back to you with these complaints. You can get an AI to craft a suitably worded letter. I would send your neighbour an equally strongly worded letter hinting at further action for harassment,

You obviously live in Ireland. Don’t worry about this at all. Nothing will happen. We’ve had an extremely loud dog barking outside all night long last summer (not even in our row of houses) and it only stopped when the owners of the dog where evicted for not paying their rent for at least 3 years!!! The neighbours in the houses on either side of those neighbours have recently gotten new triple glazed windows put in so they obviously could hear the bloody dog!

Have you ever thought to go inside her house and hear the noise for yourself?

Also is she looking to get you evicted? Someone above mentioned a rental shortage, maybe she knows someone who needs a house and is trying to get you evicted so they can move in instead? Bit far fetched maybe.