Friend depressed

[Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain]

A male friend of mine is seriously depressed. Wife left him with their 2 boys last year. At age 10 his mum and dad died within months of each other not suicide or drugs alcohol related just normal family. Grandparents then brought him up.

He posted on Facebook like he was very depressed, almost suicidal. He is my DB primary school close friend but they’ve kept in touch since. He’s usually a cheerful upbeat man. I know 2 men in local area to me who’ve ended their lives in past 3 years.

I don’t live near this man but may be down there soon so all I could put were caring words. Is there anything else I could do? He’s by seaside.

think his parents died suddenly or were ill and he wasn’t told. 😢

He just seems so fed up with life. Don’t know if he’s drinking or not. Definitely not drugs. Works hard for himself. Wife leaving was bolt from blue.

I understand your concern.
Do you and this friend chat/keep in touch? It is not clear from your post if he is your friend or your DB's friend.
What does your DB think?

Is this friend working?
You could invite him down to you for a couple of days (change of scene) and do some fun things im your area.. maybe invite other friends that may know him to join in?

I have a friend who lost his job 2 years ago and has slowly become more withdrawn from society but always kept in touch and we spoke weekly. He has gradually gotten more depressed and has said some things that have worried me. I have not heard from him since January and tomorrow I am going to Germany to look for him/check in on him. Like your friend/your DB's friend, he was also a lively, upbeat, go-getter person. I understand your concern.

No not really we are just FB friends. My brother would see him more but lives in London and has a young family. He’s a self employed tradesman always seems to have work.

I could invite him up yes.

Good luck with your friend in Germany.

After these 2 suicides one of whom I knew the man (not well but enough to chat to) I am so worried this man might do the same, You know what some men are like with doctors and therapy too, think they don’t need it. I’m unsure what support he had when his parents both died separately, it was so sad. Recall seeing him back in school after it. 😢

Thank you for replying. A lot of people just put their head in the sand about this sort of thing.

I would be very concerned about his children if he’s a single parent and feeling suicidal

I don’t think he sees the kids much if at all, I thought they were married but seems not. His ex prob still on Facebook but I don’t know her.

No not really we are just FB friends.

And you are considering on inviting a suicidal man to yours for a few nights? And the extent of your relationship is a FB “friend”?

Point him to support services. MIND.
He is an adult and if is able to post on fb about it he is able to post an e consult to gp to seek an appt and /or dial 111 click for mh support

No he’s a friend from back in the day. We used to hang out together as teenagers before he moved to seaside in early 20s. He was round my house all the time as a kid and teenager. Brother’s friend but mine too.

Will do.

I don’t see him much as live in London and he’s by seaside. He lives in the same street as my deceased aunt and uncle and knew them and we used to see him when I saw them. Lovely guy ran errands for them over lockdown.

Because he is an adult and can make Facebook posts does not mean that he is capable or should be able to or would seek help. When people are depressed, in such a bad way, they are unlikely to seek help from a GP, a mental health service or anyone.

It doesn't mean that they wouldn't or couldn't express their sadness or despair generally.

That's why friend and/or family support makes a difference.

But you have not spoken to him and certainly not seen him for many many years. Decades?

I saw him a couple of years ago actually. After lockdown.

We speak on FB on messenger and on posts every so often.

Well op could offfer to help him write an e consult to gp via video messaging .
Ultimately if clinically depressed = needs professional help = maybe meds and/or therapy... whch family and friends just cannot give .

I may ask my brother to do this. He’s more his friend. Though we are friends too.

He posted a lovely fb message when I was a bit down last year, very supportive. No I don’t post depressed posts often.

Yeah not going to do that.

I’m not that depressed I go up and down. Part of my recovery I think.

I would recommend he join a bereavement group. It doesn't matter that his parents died when he was 10. I'd make a wild guess that he wasn't offered any support at that time. I think it would help him because he is in a form of grief for his marriage as well and there will be people in the group who feel like he is feeling due to losses. He may find support there and just talking about how low you are feeling with others who understand helps. The challenge will be getting him to actually go.

Look for local ones but this one is run nationally and you can go any time no matter when you suffered a loss.

https://www.thebereavementjourney.org/

There is an app called Stay Alive which I think is helpful. It has contacts for support and advice for people who need direct help or people dealing with someone who they believe is at risk.

This includes help to construct safety plans, grounding techniques, breathing techniques, crisis information, guidance for love ones, general signposting and information about the evidence-based approach. It’s not a bad thing to have available and you might find it a useful thing to look at @Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain

The app looks like the attached photo (if it helps identify it).

I will suggest this. He’s still very upset over their deaths naturally.

Thanks for this.