They sleep with you.. then judge you for it?

[inthedamntrenches]

I feel so duped. I have been speaking to a man for a few weeks and we went on our first date and I got a bit drunk, we both did, and we ended up having sex. I wait for him to text me the next day, nothing, day after, nothing. This was after 3 weeks of constant texting. He seemed pretty keen about me, the date was great, the sex was even good for a first time with someone, it seemed obvious he’d ghosted but I did genuinely wonder if he was ok. I messaged him and just said are you ok? And he replied and said to delete his number, he isn’t interested in a woman that gives it up on the first date. Honestly, I’m so angry I’ve slept with someone who is clearly a complete misogynist. I text back just saying did you not also give it up on the first date? And he blocked me. I mean, good riddance, but fucking hell. How do men just pretend to be someone they aren’t, willingly, pretty enthusiastically have sex with you, and then judge you for it? I slept with the version of him he clearly pretended to be so that I would do just that, and now he casts his judgements on me, not himself. I think I honestly give up on men. What in the manosphere have I just encountered. Aarhfhfjfjfgh!!!!

I think you are describing something different though. One person only looking for a brief physical thing, being honest about this after the fact and moving on. That can be annoying and hurtful particularly if the other party feels they were led on with the implication it was going to be more than that.

But this is different because it's not just the other person not wanting to continue a relationship after sex. It's explicitly judging them for having had sex. Which is a very weird way of thinking on the man's part and also (unless you have a hide of a rhino) quite hurtful. I read your later posts where you talk about not always feeling emotional connections from sex. Which is fine. But I think if I said you were a whore that would kind of make me look like a shitty person. Especially if I announced you were a whore but men who did the same are fine. That's the attitude the OPs hookup took and it is unreasonable and in her shoes I would also feel a bit bad for misjudging them as not an idiot.

Yes, heard this so many times, sorry.
But then I know some men who, for various reasons, only want to have sex in serious relationships-and they get some nasty comments too (weirdo, suggestions they're lying about their sexuality, stereotypes that as they can't get pregnant, they should always be up for it, etc).

Sorry to hear this OP, at least you didn’t hang about, investing time and emotions to have the same thing happen further down the line.

My sister bedded her now husband within hours of meeting him (they met at a mutual friend’s wedding) and they have been married years. So things can work out differently.

Yup, if they were needy and didn’t get the hint when I didn’t contact them.

Wouldn’t be the first time I was called a whore. I found that women judged me more than men. Why would anyone else’s judgement bother me? Sleeping with someone then having them judge me for doing it has happened - it wasn’t hurtful. He was entitled to have his opinion, even if it was hypocritical

How bizarre and vile. I can't imagine what kind of person he must be to do and say something so blatantly morally bankrupt?!
I know some men might think this but to actually come out and say it?!

I guess rise above it. I mean it genuinely makes no sense. He's monumentally thick and potentially dangerous so lucky escape. If there's a chance anyone you know might come into his orbit definitely spread the word round about what he's like.

What does his intellect have to do with it? He may have been using it as an excuse to get out of further contact as the OP had contacted him and not realised he was trying to walk away.

How is he dangerous? She chose to have sex. I think putting the word around would make the OP look totally loopy and would give him the chance to tell those people that she was a bunny boiler (even though she probably isn’t)

When I was younger and had male friends, I never understood this… I’d only meet half the lady’s they had entertained. IMO it all depends what they are looking for. If someone is looking for long term they will happily go along with messaging and first dates but then once they have met and the chase is over (slept together) they never go back to them. Yet the ones who make them wait silly months or have boundary’s tended to last the distance. Iv always thought men are like children and you just can’t give them what they want. You had a lucky escape and glad you at least enjoyed the night.

‘Men are like children’?

Seriously? How patronising. Everyone is entitled to want what they want. I wouldn’t expect anyone to come out and say to a potential partner that they want something long term or just a quick fuck because most people don’t know.

The benefit of fucking someone without having the complication of feelings is that if either of you decide it’s not good or you aren’t compatible then you haven’t wasted months playing stupid games.

I would suggest that people who insist on holding out and playing games are more like children.

I think it's unusual not to care about what people in your life think about you at all. Strangers is different. If one of my friends (female or male) called me a whore I wouldn't want them in my life for example. If someone (male or female) acted friendly around me but then turned and called me a whore I would be both temporarily upset and long term think they were dicks. Even more so if, as you say, they were hypocritically behaving the same way.

Don't get me wrong all power to you if it genuinely wouldn't bother you. But it is unusual and I don't think it's fair to claim not to understand why the OP would be upset. It absolutely isn't a female thing either. Men don't get judged on their sexuality as much as women but they care a LOT about how their peers and partners perceived them.

Actually the fact you came back to explain yourself suggests that you do care a bit about how people see you. Even if you don't care about being called a whore specifically you want people to know you are above such things...

He sounds like he must be thick if he thinks what he does and more so that he openly says it. Why shouldn't his lack of intellect come into it? In case I hurt his poor feelings?

And he could be dangerous because of that level of misogyny and unreasonableness is a billion red flags.

Nobody knows whether he believes that or whether he just didn’t fancy the OP or they weren’t compatible.

Not everyone with different opinions is thick. Personally I find people who string you along afterwards are showing a lot more red flags.

Saying I don't like people who shag on the first date when you shagged them on the first date is clearly moronic. Regardless of why they say it.

And if I hadn’t replied, it would look like I had been put in my place.

Most people in my life don’t particularly like me (and these are people I didn’t meet until long after I stopped having any sexual or romantic contact). Those that do like me don’t have an issue with my past. If they did then as long as they were honest, I would be fine with it.

So would it have been nicer to say ‘sorry love but the sex was shit’ or whatever.

Sleeping with someone straightaway is no different from waiting for months. There is always a chance that they will
dump you afterwards. Either party is entitled to do that.

Some people may have their feelings hurt but it’s the chance you take when you embark on a new relationship

That's got nothing to do with the fact that saying you hate someone who does something you do yourself makes you look like a mug and in this case not just disreputable but misogynistic.

Saying 'the sex was crap' wouldn't have been polite but if it were true from his perspective that's better than spouting bollocks about there being something wrong with a person who shags on a first date.

There are a lot of gross men who seem to prefer sex when the woman has had to be convinced to do it - that way it feels like something they have 'won'. They don't get that feeling of power over you if you are an immediately willing participant. You are well rid of him and his misogynist views.

There are a lot of gross men who seem to prefer sex when the woman has had to be convinced to do it - that way it feels like something they have 'won'.

It's called wooing and it's not a new thing. Women are naturally way more choosy and less keen to have sex because they can only knock out one child every year or so. So it makes evolutionary sense to pick a special man and the right situation to nurture a small number of children. Whereas men can make hundreds of babies a year so so men will contribute more to the gene pool by making as many babies as possible regardless of who the mother is or what the situation is.

It's just biology, and it's not just humans. It's many mammals.