They sleep with you.. then judge you for it?

[inthedamntrenches]

I feel so duped. I have been speaking to a man for a few weeks and we went on our first date and I got a bit drunk, we both did, and we ended up having sex. I wait for him to text me the next day, nothing, day after, nothing. This was after 3 weeks of constant texting. He seemed pretty keen about me, the date was great, the sex was even good for a first time with someone, it seemed obvious he’d ghosted but I did genuinely wonder if he was ok. I messaged him and just said are you ok? And he replied and said to delete his number, he isn’t interested in a woman that gives it up on the first date. Honestly, I’m so angry I’ve slept with someone who is clearly a complete misogynist. I text back just saying did you not also give it up on the first date? And he blocked me. I mean, good riddance, but fucking hell. How do men just pretend to be someone they aren’t, willingly, pretty enthusiastically have sex with you, and then judge you for it? I slept with the version of him he clearly pretended to be so that I would do just that, and now he casts his judgements on me, not himself. I think I honestly give up on men. What in the manosphere have I just encountered. Aarhfhfjfjfgh!!!!

I don't understand this, so if he was just after sex he should be transparent not have sex with the op then think she is unacceptable "dating" material.

I have to say I would never have sex on the first date with a man I may be thinking of seeing again and having a relationship with. I would want to wait, several months probably, and I have done in the past. If he won't wait, he is not worth my time.....

It was 3 months before DH and I DTD. 35+ years back. I did shag on the first night/have one night stands maybe 8-9 times in my younger years before I met DH, but they were just drunken shags, and I didn't see (most of) them again. A couple of them I saw for a few weeks after but that was it... I would never do it/never did it, if I was going on a first date with a man and was hoping it may lead to more/eventually a relationship.

Going forward, maybe you need to think twice before having sex so early on. (Not judging you, just a suggestion...)

JMO, don't come at me anyone. 😬

And I do still think this man is a bit of an arsehole, and you dodged a bullet @inthedamntrenches

.

But it makes no difference. Sleeping with someone on the first date is about sex, not a relationship

The OP was simply a notch on his belt, and to make matters worse, one he has treated with disdain since.
He is a creep and probably a manipulative liar to boot; his persona before and after indicates that.
Had she got to know him better, that would have soon become apparent.

Of course it makes a difference these people had been chatting for weeks it was a date they were intimate he ghosted her after having sex,with her and basically thinks she is a "slag" for taking part in sex that he wanted, I don't think there is an excuse for what he did or how he thinks about women.

It’s a risk you take though. A first date is about starting to get to know each other and unfortunately there is always a risk that this will happen

And as she won’t be seeing him again, his opinion of her is irrelevant

Can you imagine the way he will treat his eventual 'chosen one'?
He will no doubt put her on a pedestal, until the day he decides her behaviour isn't up to the standard he sets for her.

Humiliated though the OP probably feels, she should thank her lucky stars she failed his test.🙄

I'm getting tired of typing this on here, but all women who want to weed out misogynistic and horrible men before meeting them should use Burned Haystacks' dating method (free on FB). Anyone would think I work for them (there is no company, just one lady who has done this work for free!) Men who have bad attitudes to women can't help revealing that in the way they text, in their profiles, in their pictures- and this method helps you weed them out and avoid dating them in the first place. It's not a miracle cure for avoiding twats, but once you see the rhetorical patterns of the way they talk and text you realise their contempt for women can't help leaking through. Do the method, then date, then have sex. Much higher chance of not ending up with someone who sees women as lesser.

I don't really know what else to say, sex is for mutually consenting adults, you obviously think not being transparent about the mutually consenting sex is fine.

FWIW, if you were speaking to him for weeks it wasn't really a first date.

Sorry this happened.

It really was.

Don’t give him any power over how you view yourself, your power is recognising the misogyny and entitlement that men with low self esteem, who are insecure and unhappy feel around women.

They might pretend to be happy and confident on the outside but think of a truly happy, nice, secure person you know and I bet you absolutely know they would never behave like that or treat another person that way.

Thing is this. If you’d waited and not had sex with him until you’d had many dates, he’d have continued dating you, you’d have still thought he was great, but he’d still be the same man who’d take sex if it was offered on the first date and judge you. Lucky escape.

Yeah you dodged a bullet there i think. Well ride.