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Original poster

They sleep with you.. then judge you for it?

40 replies

inthedamntrenches · 09/04/2026 11:16

I feel so duped. I have been speaking to a man for a few weeks and we went on our first date and I got a bit drunk, we both did, and we ended up having sex. I wait for him to text me the next day, nothing, day after, nothing. This was after 3 weeks of constant texting. He seemed pretty keen about me, the date was great, the sex was even good for a first time with someone, it seemed obvious he’d ghosted but I did genuinely wonder if he was ok. I messaged him and just said are you ok? And he replied and said to delete his number, he isn’t interested in a woman that gives it up on the first date. Honestly, I’m so angry I’ve slept with someone who is clearly a complete misogynist. I text back just saying did you not also give it up on the first date? And he blocked me. I mean, good riddance, but fucking hell. How do men just pretend to be someone they aren’t, willingly, pretty enthusiastically have sex with you, and then judge you for it? I slept with the version of him he clearly pretended to be so that I would do just that, and now he casts his judgements on me, not himself. I think I honestly give up on men. What in the manosphere have I just encountered. Aarhfhfjfjfgh!!!!

OP posts:
Idliketohonour · 09/04/2026 11:20

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Lomonald · 09/04/2026 11:26

Urgh what a disgusting man, you are well rid of that ! He probably listens to the "podcasts " and entrenched in the monosphere. I bet he bleats about the loneliness epidemic. Men like him test women and you "didn't pass"

LazyCatLtd · 09/04/2026 11:39

How awful.

Lomonald · 09/04/2026 12:00

Lomonald · 09/04/2026 11:26

Urgh what a disgusting man, you are well rid of that ! He probably listens to the "podcasts " and entrenched in the monosphere. I bet he bleats about the loneliness epidemic. Men like him test women and you "didn't pass"

Edited

Oh I meant manoephere obviously 😅

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/04/2026 12:12

It has never been any different (well, not since the 80s). Long before the ‘manosphere’ was a thing.

Sex on a first date is fine but you have to see it for what it is, two people in a physical act, and not an emotional connection.

If you can accept that the other person may not be interested afterwards then go for it.

He was honest with you afterwards and didn’t ghost you so you know the score and can move on.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 09/04/2026 12:15

It’s not nice but some men have this view. Some don’t. Try to move on. I’ve done this before btw so not judging at all! Why can men do this and it’s fine and women can’t? Double standards.

Eskarina1 · 09/04/2026 12:20

Imagine if you hadn't had sex and ended up in a relationship with someone who thinks sex is something women "give up".

He's just an awful person, both for his misogynistic views and because he was quite happy to use you. One night stands are fine, one night stands where you actively disrespect and devalue the other person make you a gross and icky human.

Candleabra · 09/04/2026 12:20

Awful man. Doesn’t surprise me though. I went on a date once with a man (who I met through a dating app) whose opening liner after introductions was to tell me that all women on dating apps were desperate slags… I have never run so quickly!

Eyesopenwideawake · 09/04/2026 12:20

I'd write back "twat" and then block.

But only to make me fee good!!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/04/2026 12:22

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 09/04/2026 12:15

It’s not nice but some men have this view. Some don’t. Try to move on. I’ve done this before btw so not judging at all! Why can men do this and it’s fine and women can’t? Double standards.

It’s because women seem to be more emotional about it. So men see it as them giving up something they value, while the men are just doing the act. It’s shit but it was ever thus.

I have slept with many men back in the day and it was rarely anything to do with emotion, and I was just as likely to cut contact as they were.

napody · 09/04/2026 12:22

Vile human. I liked your reply! Sorry this happened.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/04/2026 12:24

Eskarina1 · 09/04/2026 12:20

Imagine if you hadn't had sex and ended up in a relationship with someone who thinks sex is something women "give up".

He's just an awful person, both for his misogynistic views and because he was quite happy to use you. One night stands are fine, one night stands where you actively disrespect and devalue the other person make you a gross and icky human.

Well judging by some of the women who post here, many women do seem to see sex as something meaningful that they wouldn’t just do with any randomer.

Firesidechatter · 09/04/2026 12:24

There are men and women who judge this, so let’s not pretend it’s some new phenomenon and related to the manoshpere, it’s not. If anything they are less likely to judge, if you watched the documentary, as long as it’s just them you’re shagging.

there have always been both men and women who will judge a woman for getting drunk and having sex with a man she’s just met, and the man is just being a man and taking what’s offered.

sadly time has not advanced so much for these people.

the only caution I’d give is you didn’t know this man, chatting before the date and spending a few hours with him on the date doesn’t mean you know him, he’s a stranger, and no man, or very few, if he thinks a woman is going to get drunk and shag him will tell her straight up he will think negatively of her if she does.

chatting gives a false intimacy, he is still a complete stranger.

napody · 09/04/2026 12:25

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/04/2026 12:22

It’s because women seem to be more emotional about it. So men see it as them giving up something they value, while the men are just doing the act. It’s shit but it was ever thus.

I have slept with many men back in the day and it was rarely anything to do with emotion, and I was just as likely to cut contact as they were.

Show quote history

I get what you're saying but it's not 'because women' anything. It's 'because many men haven't moved on over the millenia from a place where they owned women'.

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 09/04/2026 12:25

So basically he judged you because you didn't keep him at bay sex wise. He thinks that men can keep trying and can only do what women will allow them to do. That sex is womens responsibility and that sex only happens when men get their own way with them and women give in. He sounds like a big child, that he will only do what he is allowed and bears no responsibility otherwise. It's great you have learned that now and that you didn't get into a relationship with him. He's actually done you a big favour!!!

IceStationZebra · 09/04/2026 12:26

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/04/2026 12:12

It has never been any different (well, not since the 80s). Long before the ‘manosphere’ was a thing.

Sex on a first date is fine but you have to see it for what it is, two people in a physical act, and not an emotional connection.

If you can accept that the other person may not be interested afterwards then go for it.

He was honest with you afterwards and didn’t ghost you so you know the score and can move on.

I don’t really understand emotionally connected sex, though. I’ve had sex with strangers, acquaintances, people I’m dating, and within a long term relationship of 15+ years. It’s all been physically pleasurable and emotionally satisfying.

Springspringspringagain · 09/04/2026 12:27

He sounds just a vile type of a man.

My rule is always- do what you want to do,but don't expect anything (early on I mean).

I don't think it makes a difference whether you go with the flow or not. In terms of what happens.

When I started to want to settle down, though, I did stop drinking on dates, and stop sleeping with anyone straight away- I wanted time and space to see if they were my type of person, if we had 'legs' as a couple. Admittedly I didn't get past about date 3 or 4 with my husband, but I felt surer as a consequence.

In other words, sleep with who you like, and do things for your own agenda. If they turn out to be a twat, bullet dodged.

Burned Haystacks dating method (free on FB) is fab for weeding out twats before you get to the date.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/04/2026 12:28

IceStationZebra · 09/04/2026 12:26

I don’t really understand emotionally connected sex, though. I’ve had sex with strangers, acquaintances, people I’m dating, and within a long term relationship of 15+ years. It’s all been physically pleasurable and emotionally satisfying.

Show quote history

Nor me. Sex is sex, love is optional

Firesidechatter · 09/04/2026 12:29

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/04/2026 12:24

Well judging by some of the women who post here, many women do seem to see sex as something meaningful that they wouldn’t just do with any randomer.

Show quote history

I’ve a divorced male friend online dating and it is surprising the amount of women who think if they have sex it means a relationship will happen and it seals the deal.

And proactively suggest sex, without saying by the way, I know this is the first date but if you do sleep with me I assume you’re now in a committed relationship with me. Basically he has to say it’s just sex, we may not see each other again etc, and even then if he does they still think he owes them a relationship . It’s crazy. Sex is used as a bartering tool for a relationship. They seem to think if a man is getting sex then if there isn’t anyone else he will stay in and have a relationship it’s far from the reality.

Springspringspringagain · 09/04/2026 12:31

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/04/2026 12:28

Nor me. Sex is sex, love is optional

Show quote history

I felt like this my whole life, but recently something has shifted for me, and I feel it's much more intimate, like 'making love' instead of sex. When I was younger, I saw it more as a physically amazing experience. Not sure what changed along the way, but I get now why some people can't have sex without it being emotionally meaningful for them, which I didn't in my previous incarnation!

GetOffTheCounter · 09/04/2026 12:31

He's an arsehole. It's good you found this out now, not much later tbh.

I'm sorry. Thanks

Eclipser · 09/04/2026 12:31

Lucky escape. Imagine if you’d ticked whatever boxes on his imaginary checklist and the relationship lasted long enough for you to get emotionally entangled with him.

You thought he was a person like you; he doesn’t think you’re a person at all. That’s why it doesn’t make sense. You’re starting from completely different hypotheses.

It’s worth having a browse through some red pill, incel, manosphere sites and you’ll get a better feel for what you need to avoid.

Springspringspringagain · 09/04/2026 12:32

Here, the main issue is that the man was nasty and judgmental to the OP. That's not acceptable, full stop.

LazyCatLtd · 09/04/2026 12:33

I hate the way American programmes call it ‘fucking’. It just makes it sound quite transactional and lacking in any sort of meaning beyond a functional exercise between animals .It should be something more than that in my opinion.

NovemberMorn · 09/04/2026 12:35

He is a twat, you are well rid.
It's never been different though. I am old now, but there is no way I would have had sex with a man before I knew (as much as possible) how he really felt about me.
I vowed when I first started dating that I would NEVER walk into a room and any man alive could smirk and truthfully say "I have had her".

It's limited my lovers, but so what? I didn't really want sex with any man I wasn't sure about.

This is in no way a criticism of any woman who does have more casual sex, it's just the way I am.