Want to move out of London to live more rurally but scared of loss of privacy and anonymity.

[ArtichokeDip]

I grew up in a small village and loved much of that life but I do remember everyone knowing each other’s business and my parents being very aware of neighbours’ judgement and opinions. I have lived in London all my adult life and love it here too but as I get older I miss being the peace of the countryside, the access to nature and the slower pace of life. I think I’m getting ready to move wants my youngest leaves home although I’m not sure where to as my home county is too far away if my kids remain in London. I’m also worried I will regret it.

One thing I love about London is that you are left to get on with your life, you don’t feel anymore cares what you do except the friends you choose to make. Even at the school gate there is very little “school gate politics” but I remember those politics extending throughout life in our village.

Am I being silly? Was it just our village? Is it possible to live rurally without people observing you constantly and possibility judging you. Is it easy to actually not be aware of cliques and village politics and just to make a couple of like minded friends and get on with life?

Unless we lived in the same village then yes they are all like this. Everyone in each others business and seem to know everything the minute it happens. And very suspicious of "offcumdens" which meant anyone whose ancestors weren't from the village let alone people who recently moved there.

Maybe a small town on the edge of the countryside is a better choice?

Villages are getting rarer especially in the south.Mostly getting absorbed by anonymous housing estates.

You could easily find somewhere greener, slower but with little community.

Move to our village. No one speaks to me here! I’ve lived here for 6 years and tried to get involved in the beginning, but unless you’re part of ‘the gang’, I think they don’t want to know you.

(I don’t really know what the criteria for the gang are, but I think money and spare time are important).

I live in a village and we have our privacy. Maybe go for a larger village, or small town?

I live in a village ( although the town is getting closer due to new housing estates )
We are not from the area but moved 15 years ago . There are 15 houses in my road .
I know the names of my 3 nearest neighbours , never been in their houses , don't know when they are going on holiday or getting a new car etc .
If you are not the type of person who tries to get all pally with people , I think most will leave you to get on with your life how you want .

Im a Londoner and moved to a tiny hamlet of just 8 houses in the middle of nowhere - and I love it

We all know each other , look out for each other , but arent in and out of each others houses or on the phones with the latest gossip , well maybe some do, I dont know cos I dont

People can only know what you tell them about

You would have to visit some villages for a week or so to find out. In my very small town people do know a lot of their neighbours quite well and it is hard to do anything unobserved, but the tone is friendly. You might br glad of that as you get older.

Everyone talks about this with rural and while yes there’s definitely a huge element of people waving to each other and ‘ah that’s Mary’s husband he works as a’ etc, or did you know Mrs Whoever died, it seems a bit extreme to not want to move somewhere because of it op

I would proceed with cautionand do ypur homework...

Being up in your business is somewhat the nature of "community"

On the flip side as an "outsider" you may well struggle to integrate.

So it might be a worst of all world scenario.

I've lived in London and in a village. I would say it's somewhat true about people knowing each other's business in a village, but it's up to you how much you care about that. Your parents were very aware of other people's opinions but that doesn't mean you have to be.

Mines absolutely not like that in w Yorkshire

I know lots about people in my village but I only know their ‘business’ if they’ve made it public. You can still have some privacy.

But the idea of living anonymously in London is incredibly unappealing to me. So maybe it’s different horses for different courses.

One persons nosy and in your business is another persons having someone to give you a lift to the emergency vet on a bank holiday when your car is broken, or lending you a tool to fix your leaking loo, or giving you some seedlings for your garden, or waking up at 2am and noting the number plate of the van that nicked your lawnmower.

village life is what you make it. I guess for some it feels uncomfortable being part of a community but at other times it is really helpful when you need someone.

I agree. The village I live in is nothing like the assumptions made on here.

When I joined a book group a few years ago I met people from my village and the one down the hill that I had never seen in my life before.

I'm friendly and talk to people but I don't know most people's business and they don't know mine.

I'll add the caveat that, like me, there are a lot of incomers in my village and we have all been made to feel welcome.

Thanks all. I should explain that I’m not anti-social, I would want to make friends, I have a whole community of friends in London. I just can’t stand in-group/out-group dynamics which is something that exists very little in London and I worry about in a village. Plus I worry about claustrophobia if one feels judged by others.

Maybe a small town is the answer but I really crave space and far reaching views and peace.

You dont have to live in a village to be more rural. We moved from London to a smallish market town in coastal suffolk. We have all the amenities of a town, but you could be anonymmous if you wanted, and there is very easy access to loads of countryside and coast. Best of both worlds imo.

It depends on the size of the village. Technically I live in a village but it has a population of 6,700 people. There are some small cliques among people who have lived here forever, but it doesn’t affect daily life as most people have moved here later.

My experience of actual small villages is that they are mostly as you say. But often they’re also cliquey enough that as an outsider you won’t necessarily be accepted enough to be involved! Usually people have been nice enough that I socialised with them, but you could tell I was never considered a local so I wasn’t gossiped about to the same extent.

My siblings Norfolk village is like that. They have found it really hard to make friends, despite long family roots not far away. They find it quite lonely and isolating.

We moved from London to a village and thebmto a town. I would say the town is where we have had the most privacy. London and the village was about equal in how we knew people close by. In the town we are now I know the name of each neighbour but not the ones one door down (I tell a lie I know their dog is called Poppy - no idea what the children or the adults are called but Poppy is sweet)

The whole thibg about everyone knowing each others business does come down to what you share.

Move to a small town instead. We love where we live (see username!)

We have miles and miles of wonderful walks form our doorstep

We live on the outskirts of a large village and are largely anonymous but we are also boring and don’t do anything worth talking about 🤣 DC doesn’t go the the village school, we rarely go to the pub and there isn’t a shop so the only people we’ve really met are neighbours (wave hello, take a parcel, bring each others bins back, very little interaction otherwise) and dog walkers (quick hello, complain about others who don’t pick up after their dogs). DH plays for a village team so we do hear some of the gossip but it seems to be centred around 3 specific families who have been in the village for generations rather than ‘incomers’.

I get what you mean OP. I haven't lived in a village but have lived in London most of my adult life as well as smaller towns/more of a suburban life when younger and I do think there's less judgment and gossip in inner London at least. It's not a lack of community - I have a cat sitting circle, babysitting circle, neighbourhood watch, strong network at the school gate to share holiday childcare/organised activities, park run etc, and from what I understand from Mumsnet some of that's possibly easier to find in London where there are lots of people without local family. But there is by definition more of a live and let live vibe and you have to seek these things out rather than them just happening to you.

My mum recently died in a smaller town and the level of nosiness is something else! It was round the street before we'd got back from hospital, and I'm constantly being texted about the most minor of comings and goings at the house. "Lynn said two men shook hands on your mum's doorstep, and the bin is now round the side. Are you having work done?" Direct quote. And parking wars, suspicious people on local Facebook group and bin gate dramas do seem more of a thing. But then my street does have more vulnerable people and antisocial behaviour than theirs does, so swings and roundabouts I guess.

London suits me, and I think you may find a bit of a culture shock If you move But you've said you want a slower pace of life and more rural living and this may be one of the trade offs.

Based on a sample size of 2 it’s very unfair and stereotypical to say “all” villages are like this.

OP - I’ve lived in a few different villages (both as a child and now), and of course they all vary. However I find the stereotype mentioned above is becoming less and less, mainly because generations of families are being priced out of villages, so you don’t get the same issue about people being suspicious of newcomers as everyone is one! A lot of people in our village (including me!) moved here from London. It’s a fantastic place to live - beautiful, peaceful and friendly but without knowing each other’s business.

And for the price of our flat in London we got a 5-bed detached house, which has improved my life no end!

We can also be in London in just over an hour, so still go occasionally for a city fix, but am also pleased to get home to the tranquility.

I hate villages and small towns for this reason. Can't wait to move back to London!

I am Cornish but sometimes it feels like the whole county knows everyone else's business. Shudder