Want to move out of London to live more rurally but scared of loss of privacy and anonymity.

[ArtichokeDip]

I grew up in a small village and loved much of that life but I do remember everyone knowing each other’s business and my parents being very aware of neighbours’ judgement and opinions. I have lived in London all my adult life and love it here too but as I get older I miss being the peace of the countryside, the access to nature and the slower pace of life. I think I’m getting ready to move wants my youngest leaves home although I’m not sure where to as my home county is too far away if my kids remain in London. I’m also worried I will regret it.

One thing I love about London is that you are left to get on with your life, you don’t feel anymore cares what you do except the friends you choose to make. Even at the school gate there is very little “school gate politics” but I remember those politics extending throughout life in our village.

Am I being silly? Was it just our village? Is it possible to live rurally without people observing you constantly and possibility judging you. Is it easy to actually not be aware of cliques and village politics and just to make a couple of like minded friends and get on with life?

There is a trade of for community with some degree of people knowing your business.

dont whatever you do join the local facebook village page. Make your friends and work out whether they are gossips.

However I find the stereotype mentioned above is becoming less and less, mainly because generations of families are being priced out of villages, so you don’t get the same issue about people being suspicious of newcomers as everyone is one! A lot of people in our village (including me!) moved here from London. It’s a fantastic place to live - beautiful, peaceful and friendly but without knowing each other’s business.

I agree @JoeTheDrummer
That pretty much describes the village I live in. There were fewer than 3,000 residents in our village in 2024.

That's Cornwall for you @Cornishgrassisntgreener . My village is nothing like that.

I find it is usually city folk and Londoners who have never lived in a village who think that all villages are like Royston Vasey.

We live in a small rural village / large hamlet. I don’t recognise the scenario you’re worried about.

Some people are social, others are not. Everyone has privacy. The community is supportive and welcoming but not nosey or over-involved.

If you do something eye catching like paint your house canary yellow, or become a nudist, it might be mentioned in private conversations but then chat would move onto potholes, that missing local chicken, the litter pick and where has the cheapest petrol. Maybe it depends on the village?

We’ve just moved to a very small town. And it’s certainly something I’m wary of. So far it’s always been positive and nice to know so many people. But even here in the town there is only ‘one degree of separation’. It does keep me on my best behaviour until I know people a little better. I can imagine that if you bitched to one person it would be round the town in a flash.
On the other hand it is nice to have a community and how everyone and everything is related.

I've lived in London and lived in villages. I have never found living in a village claustrophobic and don't really recognise the stereotype of 'everyone knowing everyone's business'. I currently live in a village in a rural area in the NW of England. I don't even know all of my neighbours beyond saying hi. I think because people move around more these days and lots more women work, people know less about each other's lives and don't have generations-worth of memory about families who live nearby.

I’ve lived in 6 villages and one small town, only one village was like this but I think that’s because my parents lived in the largest house there so people were really judgy

I live in a tiny hamlet and we all know each other. But I wouldn't have the faintest idea of who was shagging who, who had declared bankruptcy, whose daughter had run off with the milkman. Because I am busy, I chat but abstract talk about the weather in passing or our gardens. We're not all gossiping at the gate about 'her at number fifteen...'

But I do love the community feel and the knowledge that, should I have an accident or be suddenly struck with an illness, someone would notice that I hadn't taken my milk in or been seen about with my dog, and would check that I was still alive. There are upsides to a close community as well as downsides.

My experience

City living - anonymous

Town living - slightly less anonymous but not overly judgemental

Large village with encroachment from new build estates - Two tier living. Those who were there before are villagers. New blood never become villagers but are welcomed.

Large isolated village with with no new build estates - See small village living.

Small village living - If you buy Doris's house people will always refer to your house as Doris's. They will have made all their real and lasting decisions about you before they have met you. You will be the person who stopped their son being able to live in his birth village and, when they've a drink in them will tell you this. People will have you pigeon holed before they even met you. The first thing they will ask you is, "Do you intend to live here full time and are you working locally?". "We moved from London" will give you the label "The Londoners who live in Doris's cottage". The wrong answer to these questions will dictate your position in society until your grandchildren retire. However, if you are in trouble people will help you. Then not speak to you again until 9 months later they ask you if you are "Just down for the weekend?".

Hamlet living - People and hens will walk in your back door whilst you're in your nightie. You'll be invited to every single event in a three mile radius. In glut time people will leave 12 cucumbers on your doorstep. You need a book on pickling cucumbers and will get it from the mobile library. You'll know everyone's name. You will know everyone's dog's name. You will have 100 different words for mud in winter and none of them will be polite. You will know who is coming by the sound of their tractor. There is not one single aspect of your life that will not go unnoticed or unremarked upon. People in the next village shop will ask why you cut the ivy off your fir tree. It will either be lovely or you will not be able to stand it.

This is tongue in cheek but some truth in it all. 😀

I so want to watch the film, ‘Hot Fuzz’ now!

We moved from London to a small ish town / village in South Norfolk about 15 years ago. I don’t talk to anyone, it’s not mandatory! I’ve noticed that people who grew up here tend to know everyone and speak to everyone, but when you move here it’s really down to you how much you wish to participate. I’m very introverted and disabled so I don’t work and just enjoy the peace and quiet, I keep myself to myself. I think you can be as involved as you want to - or not.

Yrs, I moved to a village, and it was too insular and nosey for me. It was also boring - no decent restaurants, services, shops etc I couldn’t wait to get back to London.

You can just opt out of this by not caring what people think of you. I pick and choose what I get involved with in our village and really have no interest in what anyone, apart from my friends, thinks of me.

We're in a small market town. As anonymous as when we were in South London and with open country 10 minutes away.

Haha, I'm originally from Cornwall and know exactly what you mean!
Because I grew up there, every teen mistake I made was common knowledge and god will they never let you forget it. I know one person who still goes on about a fashion faux pas I made when I was 14, I'm 56 now!

I moved "up country" when I was 16 (originally to the home counties) and have lived in London for 20 years now. I LOVE being anonymous. Even the people on my street know very little about me and I like it that way.

I have to say though, the main thing I would miss about London now is the convenience. A relative of mine came to stay (from Cornwall) and when I suggested a take away one night she was blown away by all the options! We have fantastic public transport. I was talking to another relative the other day and she said she at least wants to move to a small town prior to retirement as she's terrified of getting to an age where she can't drive and being stuck in the village. I said about how I'd been to hospital recently, 10 minutes from my house. She said its an average 14 hour wait for an ambulance where she is, nearest hospital over 2 hrs away. I couldn't give all that up now, especially now I am getting older and these things are more important to me.

@DancingLions I love it when people understand the woes of being Cornish 🤣

I'm hoping to move up in the next few years! I am middle aged but I'm very excited to leave and be anonymous again. Moving from London back to Cornwall has been my life's biggest mistake!

I'm Cornish get me out of here 🫠🤣

I think you can get as involved or stay out of it as much as suits tbh. Once you get involved it's hard to get uninvolved though.

I'm a life-long city dweller but have rural family and friends and spend time in places like Somerset, Suffolk and Shropshire

From what I can see of rural life, especially how it's changed over the decades, is no more gossipy and invasive of privacy than say a row of city terrace houses, or suburban cul-de-sac

Many villages are now full of the very wealthy, second homes, holiday lets, and people WFH - like ghost towns during the day

It's the luck of the draw whether you get all you want in every day life e.g. peace & quiet but some public transport; privacy but friendly neighbours; activities but no committee duties to fulfil; a nice pub but no gossip!

@Cornishgrassisntgreener

😂Good luck! Hope you make it. 😁

I grew up in a village in Hertfordshire which was very much the same as your village experience. I now live in a village of less than 900 in Cambridgeshire. We’ve been here 20 years and both hubby and I enjoy the village life and have worked hard to integrate by becoming involved. I love the community in a village personally and it’s become apparent over the last 20 years that more and more people like you have moved in and I think that’s a great shame. We deliberately moved to a village because we wanted that community and people looking out for each other but then people move in that want town lives in village locations and it’s a great shame.
there are plenty of rural towns, why not move to one of those instead.

I have lived in my small village 40 years.I know my neighbours to say hello to and a few others but that's all.
I have no idea whether others gossip but I don't care. I imagine if you don't share your private information then they won't know.

It's a big decision. As you have grown up in a village, you do know at least to a certain extent what it entails, but are still unsure. Is there a way to give it a try without a final decision? Let out your property in London and rent somewhere you are thinking of moving to? I grew up and lived in cities all my life and then moved to a small rural town (20,000 people, but very small town centre) from London in 2003. So not even a village - and I was miserable. The gossip and school gate drama for one, but also the lack of cinemas, museums, cafés, theatre etc. It just wasn't for me. It was the time when many people moved further out to get more house for their money and many bitterly regretted it. I managed to move to the outskirts of a larger city again in 2010 and am so glad I did. I would say proceed with caution. Making new friends is also not easy. Is on the outskirts of London with more nature access an option?

Oh my goodness... I was born and brought up in Cornish village for the first 22 years of my life and didn't experience anything like this!
It sounds like London-style life just suiys you better - good luck 🙂

I grew up in a village and my parents were prominent in the community. It was utter hell for this exact reason. There's nothing you want less as a teenager than the feeling that you can't leave your house without everyone watching you and judging you. We lived at the end of a cul-de-sac and there were people on it who'd spend their days watching everyone who went up and down it - we literally couldn't leave the house without it being noted and commented on.

The absolute anonymity of London life is bliss and I'm grateful for it every day. No one cares what I do or where I go and I don't care what they do or where they go. I love that.

OP, you can have access to nature without having to live in a village for it (I definitely feel that I do in my area of London), and you can slow your pace of life down even in London. These are things in your control even if you live in a city life.

I have lived 30 years in a very rural area. Fields as far as the eye can see but 20 minutes to a small city.

It's technically in a village but it's really long and linear along the main A road and no-one knows anything about me at all as I have never mixed in the village at all apart from one funeral that I came away from immediately.

I grew up in a village where everyone knew everything about everyone and I wanted the benefits of country dwelling without that.

I will have to move into a town soon as I am getting too old for this lark now but I will take extreme care where I move to. I want the benefit of neighbours but will try to minimally interact.

I think a lot of villages have changed now, since many have new estates tacked on the side. Find one of those - best of both worlds. We moved to a village about 10 mins drive or 45 mins walk from a city and no one is in our business.