Can my ex get 50:50 care from birth after early separation?

[penelopesolivegarden]

Is this a thing? Ex and I split very early, now 22 weeks. I have gone through everything with him from him not wanting to be involved at all to now wanting a 50:50 split from the start. He seems to think this may be granted as we've been separated from early in the pregnancy. I feel physically sick at the idea.

He works 3 'normal' days a week and then is on call outside normal working hours for one day/night a week, so could make 50:50 work as long as the schedule changed around his working pattern which is what's worrying me. Otherwise I'd think he was bluffing.

It would be staggeringly unlikely for him to get 50/50 with a newborn.

Absolutely not

I’d very much recommend you to breastfeed as then he won’t be able to have over nights for quite a while.

He absolutely won’t.

Exclusively breastfeed so it’ll be more difficult for him to get 50:50. Although saying that if dad wants to step up then he should be allowed too.

Based on what I've read on here, he'd have no chance of 50/50 with such a young baby. They won't seperate a child overnight from his/ her primary carer. And if you're breastfeeding this will apply for at least the first year.

I bet you a shiny sixpence he’s just saying it to either put the wind up you or because he’s found out that you don’t have to pay maintenance if you each have the child for half of the time.

He’s already tried the old ‘I don’t want anything to to with it’ and now he’s going for this.

I wouldn’t be drawn in to arguing about it. How is he communicating this information?

Go to a good lawyer and find out.

Do breast feed.

Were you married?

Did you split for a reason such as abuse?
Is there a reason in particular why you feel sick at the thought?

Yup this.

Lots of wisdom in pp too re breastfeeding. I've heard recommended minimum ages of 2-3 for overnights away from primary caregiver. Remember nhs recommends breastfeeding until 2 and many babies struggle to settle to sleep without a bedtime feed so believe it's based on that.

I would be researching breastfeeding, hiring pumps etc. Don't forget that even with a c section or early birth it's very possible to establish breastfeeding late.

Unsure what people's experience is with overnights with e.g. a fully bottle fed baby. Is it different?

Yeah breastfeed like mad. It'll be because he doesn't want to pay. When he sees what the baby needs he won't be able to. Does he work? How would he propose to care for a newborn 50% of the days and nights?

If you aren't married don't add him to the birth certificate. He can be added in due time if he steps up.

That isn't stopping a relationship with a father, it is making sure a father steps up, rather than use paternity to punish the mother.

Courts don't grant 50/50 shared care for newborns. There is plenty of settled evidence that this would be harmful to an infant so would not be agreed. Does he have a sensible relative who can be a go between and support contact? And make him see how ridiculous he's being?

As others have said, no he wouldn’t be allowed 50:50 and I doubt even overnight visitation for the first 6 months at least. Definitely breastfeed for as long as possible and give the baby your surname.

It's based on the best interests of the child. It won't be in the best interests of a newborn to have that kind of arrangement.

"For very young children or babies, courts often favour arrangements that maintain stability and consistency, which might mean more time with one parent initially."

www.setfords.co.uk/2026/02/20/5-things-to-know-child-custody-arrangements/#:~:text=For%C2%A0very%20young%C2%A0children%20or%20babies%2C%20courts%20often%20favour%20arrangements%20that%C2%A0maintain%C2%A0stability%20and%20consistency%2C%20which%20might%20mean%20more%20time%20with%20one%20parent%20initially.

It's unlikely he'd get full 50/50 from birth. In my experience the breastfeeding thing is overstated on these pages. I've not seen many judges grant 50/50 overnights for bottle fed babies either. It might help your argument a bit, maybe.

It is likely you'll be required to accommodate regular daytime visitation, possibly several times a week, unless he's dangerous (nothing you've said suggests this). This could be a good thing as it will test his commitment. If the prospect is unbearable you could be asked to identify someone to act as a go between or to supervise contact. If he does stay involved overnights and working up to 50/50 will start from 6-12 months old depending on what the courts think.

I personally think not putting him on the birth certificate as a ploy to restrict his rights when you know fine well he is the father is a shitty thing to do that the judge may look dimly on. Presumably there is plenty of communication between the two of you that he could use as evidence that he is known to be the father and it therefore wouldn't make much difference to the contact awarded.

He doesn’t want 50/50. He doesn’t want to pay child support. I bet he will disappear if you tell him you don’t want a help or any money.

While I highly doubt he actually wants 50/50 custody, and is probably doing so to get out of paying child maintenance, you should take every step to prepare in case he does pursue 50/50 custody.

it is very highly unlikely he will be granted that arrangement for a newborn, as the courts will act in the best interests of the baby, not the parents. As others have suggested, definitely breastfeed if you can, document any and all aggressive / coercive behaviour etc from him, if he has displayed any at any point in time. Also document that he initially said he didnt want anything to do with the baby, then switched and changed his mind out of nowhere. Keep any communications (texts etc) from him.

Him putting you in this position whilst you're pregnant says it all tbh, sounds like he's very much doing it to mess with you, which you should also document tbh. Try not to worry too much and just look after yourself.

Ignore him. He doesn't want 50:50.

Highly unlikely, no court would allow that as it wouldn’t be in the babies best interests especially if you breastfeed… maybe you should breastfeed even if you don’t if you catch my drift.
even if he wants this, firstly, you would have to have him if the birth certificate which is your choice, second even if he is it’d take quite a while for social services to get this to happen, and they wouldn’t enforce it until much later as it wouldn’t be in the best interest of the baby.
Sounds like a control tactic on his part to be honest

Its normally age 2 + for overnights, but as someone else has said you'll be expected to work out day time visits so that he can 'bond' with the baby

On the basis that they're unmarried, he'd have to be organised and committed enough to actually show up with her to register the birth if he wants to be on the birth certificate.

www.gov.uk/register-birth/who-can-register-a-birth#:~:text=Unmarried%20parents,child%E2%80%99s%20birth.

And even if he’s there, it’s up to the mother whether he goes on or not.

Are you married? If not, I would not put him down as father on the birth certificate to be honest. I'm sure he can insist on DNA and being added etc but all of this would take time and effort on his part.

As others have said, breastfeed if you can. He's just threatening and probably has little intention of wanting to have a baby 50/50.

Do not give that baby his last name. He’s already proven himself to be unreliable, I’ll be staggered if you come back in 10 years and say he’s a fully involved father and equal parent.

just in case you’re unaware. When baby is born the hospital will give them ID bracelets and medical records with Baby Boy / Girl YourLastName that us because all babies automatically have their mothers last name which often has been changed upon marriage to the fathers last name.

unmarried mothers can choose to register the birth with dads last name if they want too, then you update the medical records with birth certificate as proof.
i bet you anything he tried to pressure you into giving baby his last name as it’s “traditional” but you’ll be one the one being primary parent, he might go back to not wanting anything to do with the child.

Make sure you exclusively breast feed and co-sleep!
Also make sure you apply immediately for child benefit and dont tell him that you have.
It'll take many months to even get a court hearing even if he does apply for 50:50. The courts will look at whats in the best interest of the child and by then, you will the established primary carer and they will look to maintain that pattern/bond.
And with a newborn, absolutely DO NOT allow unsupervised visits/him to take the baby out etc. All paternal visits are to be at your house with someone present to support you.
My friend allowed her ex to take their newborn baby out for a few hours to visit the grandparents on his side. He never returned the baby and the police cant do a thing as its civil matter!