How did you manage meals / household tasks once family help ended?

[Bubblewrap22]

We have a beautiful EBF 3 and a half week old. When my husband was on 2 weeks paternity he was so helpful. Cooking me nutritious breakfast, lunch & dinner and doing the washing and cleaning and of course held the baby when he wasn’t feeding. As soon as he went to work my in laws came and they’ve been doing the same (to the extent where I feel my MiL is a butler) because she literally passes me everything when I’m breastfeeding (which is A LOT of the time). My parents are also coming up for a week and will be the same sort of help. When they go home baby will be 5 weeks old. We live at least 4 hours away from parents so the help will go from 100 to 0.

obviously my sole focus is the baby but I am just wondering how I’m going to adjust to cooking nutritiously again for me and my husband. I say nutritiously because I don’t want to eat ‘snack’ or microwave meals just because it’s quick and convenient. I want to nourish myself so I can nourish baby. My husband is away for 12 hours a day Mon- Fri including commuting and whilst he absolutely wouldn’t mind doing dinner for us when he’s back, I would like to dabble back into it. But baby does not like to be put down (he will not sleep in a bassinett or crib, understandably) and feeds a lot so I’m wondering how other breastfed babies mothers tackled this?

we have a baby carrier which will probably help. I’m also worried about driving to the shops myself. We’ve done it loads with my in laws but I feel better because I’m sat in the back and can soothe him if he cries when the ca slows down / engine stops. When I’m driving won’t be able to so I’m a bit worried about that too.

I think you have to lower your standards or sort it that you batch cook when someone is there to mind baby. Could you buy to cook on a Sunday when your DH is home? Simple meals can be nutritious too.
The second issue of driving in the car with baby in the back is really a non issue, it’s okay if your baby cries. You can sooth them when you stop the car. They’ll get used to it as will you.

Yes I could do or maybe just lower my standards like you say… i have to remind myself that it IS OK if it’s not an elaborate meal like my parents / husband have been cooking because I have a baby to look after

Batch cook and fill the freezer while your parents are with you. Wear the baby in a sling once you're on your own again.

Surely it's not that big a deal if you don't drive much for a while until you're feeling more confident? I mean, I do remember the feeling of having a newborn and thinking it was like having a bomb ready to go off in your house at any point (though a bomb that needed a lot of attention), but you're brand new to this. In not so long, you will be used to your baby, and your baby will be used to being out in the world rather than inside you, and you'll be doing all your usual stuff, just with a baby. (Apart from solitude, which was the thing I really struggled with at first.)

When I was on mat leave with 2nd DC I would prep dinner throughout the day. So chop some veg etc. late morning when DC was asleep in sling, pause when needed and then by 'dinner prep time' it was just a case of slinging everything in a pan. Not the most exciting, but saved me a lot of stress as it took away that evening time pressure.

I think you have to take the opportunities when they come to prep a meal or batch bake. Hopefully you've got a good DH who will take over when he comes home, leaving you to cook/get a household job done. As said before, let things go if they don't quite work out - ie we used to have our evening meal ASAP after coming home, DH would come home to find a meal half prepped and me feeding DD - he'd smile, go and freshen up then take over - wasn't the end of the world eating a different time.

Other than that, I had absolutely no help from anyone else.

Start to put the baby down in his crib for a while. He will get used to it and you need to be able to get on with life. It is not the end of the world if he cries a bit. Babies cry.

You need to put baby down, he might cry a bit but he’ll be fine, obviously not crying excessively long.
I’ve had 4bf babies and they do need put down, it’s understandable when they’re new you want to jump at every noise but you can’t hold him 24/7

Batch cooking and a slow cooker are your friends here. We are a family of 3 (one toddler DC), and we both work. DP is out of the house for 12 hours a day. For an evening meal I cook for 4 and the two leftover portions become lunches next day. Bought a brilliant slow cooker book too, and later on an evening where I need to, I will load the slow cooker up (if mince needs frying off then will do that), take the slow cooker out of the holder with the lid on and put that in the fridge overnight. Next morning set it off and the meal is ready for tea time

It seems daunting now OP because you've had so much help, which is lovely, but you will find your routine when it's just you and the baby.

Supermarket delivery and lots of easy to prepare food. So eg high end soup, nice bread for cheese on toast to go with soup and some salad leaves, Olive oil and seeds on top. Quick lunch but nutritious (sp?!).

Dinner - pasta, high end stir in sauce, peas stirred in, chicken pieces quickly fried up.

That kind of thing. So basically relying on high quality ready -ish food.

You've been incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful support network so far. Amazing family!
It sounds scary, as you've not done it before. It's totally new to you.
My husband had a month off, when he went back to work it was a real shock to get into a routine. Things will be different to before. The house will be much more messy.
Ensure you try to go out every day, it helps hugely to get out and see people.
Batch cook at weekends.

I never had anyone stay, cook or do any housework for me. Not even DH tbh, we were really young and pretty clueless and only actually lived together two weeks before the baby was born! He became much more helpful with subsequent DC.
Loads of people visiting to hold the baby though so I’d do bits and bobs while they were having their cuddles and Grandparents would take the baby for a walk in the pram between feeds so I’d whizz around then too.
I seem to remember had lots of soup as I could drink that from a mug while breast feeding.

Baby Bjorn bouncy chair or similar.. nice and light so you can carry it to whichever room you’re in. You can put the baby down and get on with what you need to.

Once the baby is asleep try to put him down in his crib. Or put him in the pram for naps - I used to move the pram backwards and forwards in the hall to get to DS to sleep if I didn’t want to go out for a walk.

I know it seems very overwhelming when it’s your first baby. Unfortunately there will be times when he cries and it’s unavoidable. And I mean this kindly but some babies do cry in car seats and it probably doesn’t make much difference whether or not you’re sitting next to him to soothe him.

And yes to lowering standards.. don’t expect to always have an amazingly cooked meal. I used to hand the baby to DH as soon as he got home and cook something quick.

Things you can put in the oven and leave are good as you don’t have to stand there cooking - can be healthy like chicken/fish and veg.

Baby is going to have to start getting used to a lot of things, you cant forever sit in back seat of car with baby.

I never had any DH, in-laws or family help (DH’s paternity leave was over by the time I left hospital, and everyone else was just worse than useless). It was hard, but I muddled through. Meals were a fantasy! I remember lots of toast and nutrition bars.

You will have to start putting baby down, slings are OK up to a point but I found it hard to actually do anything useful with the baby in one. They do get used to baskets etc. Bulk food prep at the weekend into freezer bags that you can just put into a slow cooker / low oven. Or prepare the next evening's meal as much as you can after you have eaten and DH is at home. Easy lunches, egg on toast or similar. As for driving, we had me in the back with baby for the first couple of weeks but then I just had to get on with it, I wasn't prepared to never go anywhere apart from on foot, he didn't usually cry to any great extent and if he did I would just have to park and comfort him then.

Slow cooker, threw it all in in the morning and it was done by the evening!

You will find your routine, however daunting it feels right now.

Now isn't the time for elaborate meals tbh. Fed is best applies to parents as well as babies 😉 Batch cooking and a few super quick standby dinners are helpful. You can do some things with the baby in a carrier.

My second child had terrible reflux and it was a very difficult time - dh used to leave me a sandwich in the fridge and I also found it helpful to get up and shower before he left. Then I was dressed and we could leave the house relatively easily. Everything feels better when you're out/have been out.

Does the baby fall asleep in the pram? I used to take them for a walk then let them nap a bit longer in the pram when we got home.

We never had any family help. I imagine Dh did some cooking the first few days when I was literally still too sore to move around much.

After that, I always handed him the baby as soon as he walked in the door at 5:30pm. Eventually, it was baby and toddler and then I cooked and did anything that needed doing around the house in peace. He pretty much had the dc until after bathtime, so I had probably 2 hours to cook and do anything that needed doing.

During the night, he’d have the baby until 12/1am in the early weeks, except for feeds, and then when we traded off about 1am, he’d bring me a flask of tea and a snack plate for overnight feeds before going to bed.

Same in the morning, he’d bring me breakfast before he left for work and a coffee in a flask. I had easy snacks and lunches that could be re-heated with one hand. I very carefully meal planned so everything we ate was easy to grab and also relatively straightforward to cook but still healthy. It just takes a bit of pre-planning to have a week’s worth of easy nutritious meals that can be thrown together in 30-40 minutes or so. We also did a mix of Cook meals or nice supermarket ready meals as well, so a Cook stew with sautéed kale and baguette, etc. which meant there were options for nights when I had less bandwidth.

yes I did think that! Before the baby I thought ‘what help could I possibly need’ and was reluctant to have everyone stay at first and then realised it’s not necessarily baby that’s hard work, it’s things that were once so easy to do, become much harder. I do think once everyone leaves I’ll have no option but to get into a routine :)

You'll be fine, you'll work out what works best for you as you go. Agree with a pp that food you can prep quickly and put in the oven until it's ready is always a winner - tray bakes, jacket potato and a piece of fish/ meat. If you're happy to spend a bit more for convenience then buy bags of prepped veg that just need to steam in the microwave and ready-to-cook meat/ fish that's already been seasoned and can just go in the oven in its tray. Batch cook easy things on weekends if you can. But don't beat yourself up if you have beans on toast a couple of evenings a week either.

My SIL does tray bakes, batch cooks and slow cooker. My DM also got her a playpen which at first she was loathe to use but then she saw the advantages.

Could you afford a cleaner?

I had a lot of friends who had kids before me, and I saw how they juggled with several of them, so my motto when I had my first baby, was 'how would I do this with a toddler as well'.

So if it seemed impossible to make lunch, I remembered that if it was my second I'd have to find a way, and just crack on, as the toddler would need lunch.

If I was desperate for the toilet, and couldn't see how I could juggle that and baby, I asked myself what I would do if it was a newly toilet trained toddler.

Honestly though, you have one baby, you're not juggling that and work, your baby stays in one place, eats only one type of food and you don't even need to prepare it, and you can just strap the baby on you. No toddler destroying the house, faster than you can tidy it. No one asking why a thousand times before breakfast. Newborns can I have their challenges, but it can also be a very good and gentle introduction to parenting.

Congratulations on your baby.

This is such a good way of looking at it - and do want a second so it’s a good way of thinking. Maybe because my in laws have been beyond helpful the last two weeks I’ve got used to it. When my parents are here I might ask them to intervene less so I can get used to ‘being on my own’ when they leave