How did you manage meals / household tasks once family help ended?

[Bubblewrap22]

We have a beautiful EBF 3 and a half week old. When my husband was on 2 weeks paternity he was so helpful. Cooking me nutritious breakfast, lunch & dinner and doing the washing and cleaning and of course held the baby when he wasn’t feeding. As soon as he went to work my in laws came and they’ve been doing the same (to the extent where I feel my MiL is a butler) because she literally passes me everything when I’m breastfeeding (which is A LOT of the time). My parents are also coming up for a week and will be the same sort of help. When they go home baby will be 5 weeks old. We live at least 4 hours away from parents so the help will go from 100 to 0.

obviously my sole focus is the baby but I am just wondering how I’m going to adjust to cooking nutritiously again for me and my husband. I say nutritiously because I don’t want to eat ‘snack’ or microwave meals just because it’s quick and convenient. I want to nourish myself so I can nourish baby. My husband is away for 12 hours a day Mon- Fri including commuting and whilst he absolutely wouldn’t mind doing dinner for us when he’s back, I would like to dabble back into it. But baby does not like to be put down (he will not sleep in a bassinett or crib, understandably) and feeds a lot so I’m wondering how other breastfed babies mothers tackled this?

we have a baby carrier which will probably help. I’m also worried about driving to the shops myself. We’ve done it loads with my in laws but I feel better because I’m sat in the back and can soothe him if he cries when the ca slows down / engine stops. When I’m driving won’t be able to so I’m a bit worried about that too.

I didn’t have any family help for either of my DCs other than DH when he was on paternity leave. You just learn to get into the routine of it, it’s hard but yes to lowering standards and just doing what you can do around baby.

l would suggest shopping online and one of the menu/spice services such as Simply Cook l found this invaluable when l couldn't think about meal planning and cooking- lots of tasty healthy choices which will give you a shopping list for your online shop- for the ingredients needed.

Slow cookers, 2 if you need to (1 on the go for lunches for a few days, 1 for 2 nights of dinners for you both)

or just 1 for dinner and then make a nutritious sandwich for lunches. Yogurt bowls for breakfast.

Congratulations on your baby @Bubblewrap22 Sounds like you've had a lovely, gentle introduction to mothering, and I'm so glad for you - it makes such a difference to getting you started.

Now that you have less support, kindly, I think you'll just have to accept that you can't "nourish yourself" to get same standard. "Baby" will leech whatever nutrients she needs from your body, and your body will survive and function fine with snacks and reheated meals. I put your words in scare quotes because, to me, they feel social media-ish, not how people really think or speak, and I wonder if social media is warping your idea of what's good, or good enough, mothering. Sorry if I got that wrong!

Batch cook, and lower your standards/ expectations (or maybe raise them?) Before I had kids, I had this idea that being a good mum was about fresh home cooked meals three times per day, and my baby being so well cared for they never cried. In reality, being a good mum meant radically adapting my own preferences (and self-image) to meet the realities and needs of my family. You can handle reheated food and a baby who cries in her car seat sometimes, just like the rest of us! Believe in yourself!

Sling.

I didn’t have any help and my two resisted a routine… so they went where I went, literally!

Definitely lower your standards. I was a single parent when i had my second so had to keep myself, 4 year old and newborn alive. Definitely found having first harder so totally get that is it very overwhelming. Convenience is definitely king and i would say some kind of carrier / bouncer chair type thing so you can get on and do things. Don't try and do too much.

You could go out for short eg 10 min drives with baby in car seat on quiet roads.

I know it sounds daunting but the more you do it the easier it gets. SIL was eventually driving all over London house hunting when her baby was young.

It was easy as I never had any help as such so had get on with it from day 1. Either lower your standards or pay for a cook or meal delivery service or similar.

You don't need to eat high end meals to nourish your baby. There are lots of snacks that are quick and nutritious and your body makes high end milk regardless.
I mean this kindly - but it's more common for new mums with your level of extra help combined with high standards of food/cleaning to burn out faster. You need to manage your expectations, if baby is feeding a lot then this is your primary job as such. Get your MIL and then your DM to make extra portions each time and freeze, so that you have a week's worth to adjust after they both leave. And it's fine to get baby used to being in the crib/swing seat, obviously he'll prefer to be held but you are going to need to bathe/go to the toilet when your help leaves.
Also instead of presents for the baby, you could ask for Go Fresh vouchers or something similar.

You’ve been very lucky to have that help, we never did. You do easy meals, you get a supermarket delivery; you take turns to clean etc at the weekend whilst the other has the baby. You use a carrier. Mine didn’t nap in her cot til she was over 12 months so I became well versed in the art of juggling things whilst she napped in a carrier or was awake on the floor. Lower your standards-do what is essential and enjoy your baby. There’s plenty of quick meals which are nutritious. And honestly it doesn’t matter for BF-what you need is calories. I lived on hot chocolate and toast for the first few months and my toddler is the picture of health.

Batch cook. Use frozen meals from Cook or similar. Search up quick cook meals and recipes- you could knock up a chick pea curry with added veg in 20 mins, make enough for a few days.

Bear in mind that babies change frequently- what works at 3 weeks won’t necessarily do so at 12 weeks. Once you are on your own with the baby you’ll find a workable routine, and as you become more practiced, you’ll feel more confident taking the baby out.

Put your baby in their pram/baby bouncer or Moses basket and do the cooking or other tasks, baby carrier for vacuuming and cleaning. I had zero family help and they hadn’t invented paternity leave so you just get on with it. Both of mine were ebf too. Yes the cleaning gets done less but I cooked meals and by dd2 cared for dd1 and didn’t miss a playgroup session, I also returned to work after 2 weeks as they don’t have maternity leave where I lived, obviously it was a part time job but it did it around naps and with dc in tow

I did the same as you. I knew I wanted two so I used to say to myself ‘this is the easiest it will be, once you have two it’ll be much harder’ it really helped.

I subsisted on jammie wagon wheels for the first 6 months of DD's life

There will be good days and bad days OP ... days when everything seems ok, house looks reasonable, dinner done etc. And other days when it all goes to shit.

I had twins and I remember our first Easter when they must have been about 6 weeks old ... we sat at the table with each of us holding a baby on one knee, trying to eat beans on toast with one hand. Looking around at the chaos in the room, utterly shattered, it was quite a low point remembering how fun previous Easter's were.

Thinking about that ... I wonder why one of our parents didn't invite us for a roast 😊

Slow cooker, batch cooking doing meal when DH got back - think air fryer we have now would have helped there.

DD1 was a velcro baby and scream if not held - she still ocaaionally got put in a high chair and tri d to distract and cook at same time.

I got two weeks with guests who expected us to wait on them with pfb - you just get on with things as best you can - had them close toegther so was cooking later with two toddlers and a bf baby.

I wonder if all the wonderful help made you a bit dependent and knocked your confidence in coping alone.

Your baby will have to get used to occasionally not being held, it's ok for them to fuss a little sometimes!!!

You're setting yourself an impossible standard and one you cant repeat if you have a second child - how do you imagine parents cope when they have a newborn plus a toddler? They don't just ignore their toddler while sitting endlessly on the sofa holding /feeding the newborn. Sometimes the newborn gets laid on a playmat while they play alongside with their toddler, or in a bouncy chair watching.

Babies do not have to be continually held it's not practical. And not great for mum either.

Don’t worry op, you’ll find your stride in no time. It’s only daunting until you have to do it.

I found a wrap sling very helpful. I didn’t cook elaborate meals - simple can be nutritious. Expect your dh to step up a lot more - and don’t feel guilt about this. Men find it daunting too but he will feel much more connected into his family and his role as a father if he gets a chance to become competent at it.