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Original poster

My colleague admitted feelings for me and now I don't know what to do.

36 replies

rougegourge84 · 30/03/2026 22:35

Been with my boyfriend for a couple of years, things are generally really good between us, we got together whilst both recovering from previous relationships where our previous partners had been unfaithful.

I work in a business I've worked in since it was a start up, and I went into the partnership a few years ago. I work with someone who I've got on so well with the whole time, and he's always been really supportive of me developing my career there. A few years ago I thought I had feelings for him, but he was in a different relationship, and he never seemed to stay with his partners very long which made me worry I'd end up hurt, and then I met my current partner so I've put all my efforts into getting over any feelings I had for my colleague. Things with my partner are good, he's kind, attentive, and wants a future with children. I know I love him, but I'm not sure about children, and he gets jealous sometimes of the time I have to spend with my business partner working on the business. I think he would like to marry, well, in fact I'm fairly sure he's going to propose at some point this year, and I'm not sure if I'd be leading him on if I said yes, as I can't be sure I want children, it wouldn't work with my job - I have to work shifts which can be long, and sometimes I travel. I love my job, and I can't see myself wanting to change to something more family friendly. His job is actually even less family friendly (police), and he's the higher earner.

Anyway, on top of all this, I was in the office with my business partner the other day and out of nowhere he told me not to stay with my boyfriend if I wasn't sure and that he was in love with me and would marry me if he ever got the chance. I literally don't know what to do with this information, I've spent so long getting over my feelings for him, and I have a good, stable relationship with my current partner, but if I'm honest, if he proposes I don't know I'd say yes for sure.

Should I tell my business partner that I had thought about an 'us' previously? Is that infidelity - should I plan on finishing with my current partner before I do that? But I don't know if I want to lose him either, I'm heading for my late 30s and want some stability.

Has anyone else ever been in this position, what would you do? There's also the issue of the business, although it's quite successful, but I now don't know what the future holds for it regardless of what happens!

OP posts:
ProudAmberTurtle · 30/03/2026 22:37

Feel sorry for your boyfriend to be honest

Original poster
rougegourge84 · 30/03/2026 22:39

I don't think that's fair @ProudAmberTurtle this has hit my like a ton of bricks and I've been there for my bf through some tough times. He's had issues with drink in the past and lots of women would have not risked a relationship with him for just that reason.

OP posts:
fivetriangulartrees · 30/03/2026 23:03

I'm not sure you'll find stability simply by staying with the same person for a longer period of time. Does your relationship really feel stable if you're not 100% about him?

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pinksquash13 · 30/03/2026 23:10

Sounds tricky. Only you can decide. If you don't want kids or are uncertain (which in my book is better as a no as I think you need to really want them - it's tough) then would that be a deal breaker for your boyfriend? If so, decision made about him.

Hiemal · 30/03/2026 23:15

I’d focus on your current relationship first. You mention issues with drinking, him wanting children while you don’t, that you got together while both recovering from relationship in which the other person had been unfaithful, and you’re not sure you’d accept if he proposed. I’d try to decide whether I wanted to continue it or whether being single was more appealing.

Gabitule · 30/03/2026 23:19

I wouldn’t trust what your business partner is telling you. He wants you now because you’re unavailable, but why wasnt he interested when you were single? Why don’t you call his bluff by asking him if he would genuinely be interested in having a relationship and a future with you if you were to break up with your bf?

I wouldnt give the bird in hand for the one in the bush.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 30/03/2026 23:26

Don’t mix business and pleasure and think how you will feel if your current partner moves on with someone wonderful. The grass isn’t always greener. Sounds like you have a good man already. Flattery is so wonderful but be careful. I think personally be grateful for what you have. I was in your position once and was loving the attention but stuck with a good man. It’s certainly paid off for me. Good luck.

Original poster
rougegourge84 · 30/03/2026 23:27

@fivetriangulartrees things are good between us, the sex is good (better than it was with with my ex) and we enjoy spending time together

@pinksquash13 that’s the thing, I think he does really want them and I’m fairly sure I don’t but he’s assumed that I will want them I think. I’ve had health issues recently which mean I may struggle to conceive and he has tried to talk about it quite a lot but I just haven’t felt ready. I think I’m scared of his reaction if it’s a total surprise

OP posts:
Original poster
rougegourge84 · 30/03/2026 23:30

@Gabitule that’s what I can’t work out, he was with other people for much of the time I was single but there was a prolonged stretch when we were both single and he didn’t give me any signs then, well - he did try to kiss me one night but we’d both been drinking and I thought it was a bad idea, like I said I don’t want to get hurt.

OP posts:
Roundaboutsandcars · 30/03/2026 23:34

Be honest with your bf about not being sure if you want children. If it was round the other way a woman would definitely want to know. It's not fair on him. As for the other man that's really a seperate issue and should only be considered if and when you split up with current guy. You've both been cheated on so know what its like. Don't do this to your boyfriend. Don't say anything to the work guy. Best to keep work and home life separate too as someone else said.

Mingspingpongball · 30/03/2026 23:37

Op.. I’ll tell you it’s a long time being married when you aren’t happy. I can’t honestly advise you on the business partner side of things, but your boyfriend.. don’t marry him (just my perspective). Not because of not wanting children. Because you aren’t certain. Sure, you could be certain and totally in love but he’d break your heart etc. but at least AIM for that happiness first.
Neither of these guys are even remotely doing that. Just look at the relationship s board on here (or my posts!) to see how badly things can go with just life events, never mind if you’ve never felt like you love someone so much that you’d never want to consider someone else.
Sex is one thing..dont marry for a better sex life than something before.( I did, I regret every second of that decision every day).
PS - business partner sounds like a c@nt

kkloo · 30/03/2026 23:41

I know I love him, but I'm not sure about children, and he gets jealous sometimes of the time I have to spend with my business partner working on the business.

Well you can't blame him on the jealousy part, you said you had feelings for the business partner and spent so much time getting over them but as soon as the business partner suggests he also has feelings you're seem to be thinking you might have a future, so the jealously was warranted.

takealettermsjones · 30/03/2026 23:45

How did the business partner know you're not sure about marriage - have you been talking to him about your relationship?

Traxanos · 30/03/2026 23:48

Not been in this situation but I’d stick with your bf.
Have a frank conversation about kids, work, marriage and see where it goes.
You may end up breaking up if you’re incompatible but at least you will have had the conversation. If you don’t have that conversation then you are evading the inevitable and future faking your bf.

I wouldn't trust the business partner. He has a few red flags and I doubt he can offer the stability you want. He hasn’t stayed in relationships for long, you say. What if gets tired of you ? He says he’ll marry you but what if it’s all talk ? What would it mean for your job if it didn’t go as hoped/ planned ?

Hellohelga · 30/03/2026 23:50

Don’t marry your current BF - you have doubts, you don’t want the same thing and you have feelings for someone else. Your DH should be your best friend for the rest of your life. If you want to take a chance with your partner then do so but don’t marry the BF.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 30/03/2026 23:57

"Should I tell my business partner that I had thought about an 'us' previously? Is that infidelity -"

Its a pre amble to infidelity and its suggesting to your Business Partner that you've thought about being with him. What else would the point of saying that be?

Your BF would think it was you suggesting infidelity.

Reasonstobelieve · 31/03/2026 00:06

A difficult one but the first thing that came to my mind was the expression the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I'd be asking myself why this man didn't make moves when both single. Are you sure its not the fear of having children which is interfering with your feelings in general. You say your current partner is kind, attentive & you love him & the sex is good. I'm struggling to know what your expectations are if you decide to leave him. There will always be men who want you & also men you feel you could reciprocate the feelings with. Does this mean with every encounter like this you finish what you have in order to sample it in case your missing out on something better. 🤔

I meant to add on another level could your business partners intentions be less than honourable considering the most apparently trustworthy partners in business can turn out to be snakes. I've no idea if correct in this instance what the motivation could be although possibly to see you ending up on your own with no financial support. Nothing surprises me in business.

auserna · 31/03/2026 00:17

Well whatever you decide don't do what an ex friend of mine did and shuttle back and forth between them about ten times, claiming to find it oh so traumatic. She was married to one of them as well.

Anyahyacinth · 31/03/2026 00:21

It’s beyond your current dilemma OP and may be your instincts protecting you but beware making a baby with someone who has had or has a drinking problem - the impacts on fertility, DNA etc.. are real.

In relation to the present I wouldn’t risk my work situation …would you be safe if it all ended?

rainydaysaway · 31/03/2026 00:37

if I am correctly reading this situation… have you considered discussing things with a therapist? I have a feeling your boyfriend won’t like it if you continue devoting yourself to the business, but I don’t think you should just leap into a relationship with your business partner…

RubieChewsDay · 31/03/2026 00:39

Oh, hi Robin, I never pictured you as a mumsnet poster.

ThisAutumnTown · 31/03/2026 01:16

RubieChewsDay · 31/03/2026 00:39

Oh, hi Robin, I never pictured you as a mumsnet poster.

Omg 😂

Watcher1984 · 31/03/2026 01:19

Also feel sorry for your bf hope he finds someone invested in him not dithering about this that and other men!

99bottlesofkombucha · 31/03/2026 01:25

For a start, you’re sitting here thinking maybe there’s a total incompatibility between my partner and I. TALK TO HIM ABOUT CHILDREN AND FIND OUT.

hollytheheroic · 31/03/2026 01:26

RubieChewsDay · 31/03/2026 00:39

Oh, hi Robin, I never pictured you as a mumsnet poster.

Oh good spot, I nearly fell for it