Who should shower first?

[Starstencils]

Person A takes 5 minutes in the shower.

Person B takes 20 minutes. They need to use mobility aids, a shower seat etc and cannot move quickly.

The water comes from a tank so there isn’t an endless supply. Person A says they should shower first as they’re quicker and will leave most of the tank water for person B.

Person B says they need to shower first as if they’re sat there for 20 minutes the water may go cold by the end of their shower if A has gone first and they’ll be sat under cold water and not able to move away from it quickly.

In our house person B showers first. Ability can vary day to day sometimes they need ten minutes in the shower, sometimes they need 20. I can live with a quick colder shower it I need to. If the water runs cold for person B and they still have a head/body full of suds, on a bad day that can be really difficult and showering in cold water will affect the rest of their day.

So because of their disability, it takes them longer to get there, they have to take what is left?

Nice. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Why should person A forever have cold showers or risk the water running cold because person B is less abled

Person B takes a 15 minute shower and it doesn't matter who goes first.

Try being person B your entire life then see how magnanimous you are about it.

We don’t know that person B isn’t up and awake before person A going them chance to get in first

Because person B has so much other shit in their life to deal with, begrudging them a warm shower is petty and mean.

If this is a long term thing, rather than a one off the right thing to do is install a bigger or better hot water tank. Ours lets you control how much of the tank is warm and has an app so you can see what’s there and boost it for ten minutes to make sure there is enough.

I am person B.

it takes me 20 mins to shower but the water is not on all that time. I switch it off when shampooing and doing body wash.

however the more sensible response is that your water system needs upgrading either to electric shower or on demand hot water.

or shower evening/morning.

Why should neither of them use any common sense and fix the issue or shower at different times of day? Why do they have to shower immediately after each other at all?

This was my 1st thought.

We don’t know their dynamics so you can’t say they have so much shit to deal with, how do you know person A doesn’t have a lot of shit to deal with? No one is begrudging them a warm shower, they have a warm shower but if they take to long it might run cold at the end of it.

Maybe they both need to get up for work in a morning, who knows why they do it that way. I do agree sorting the shower water out would be the obvious solution. Maybe they can’t afford it on for longer 🤷‍♀️

Person A and Person B shower at different times of the day. E.g one in the morning and one at night.

Person a showers before bed and has a wash at the sink in the morning.

They still don’t both need to shower before work every single morning, it’s a preference. One can shower the night before and wash at the sink in the morning

Person A obviously. A 5 minute shower will leave plenty of hot water. Presumably Person B doesn’t switch the shower on until they’re in there, on the shower seat and ready to go. The water can also be turned off while soaping body/ shampooing hair and then turned on again to rinse.

im assuming both people have the same pressure to get showered and off to work, hence needing to shower at the same time of day? If not, then just shower at different times.

im also wondering if the OP will return to answer the many questions on here…

Oh give it a rest. A disabled person who needs mobility aids and takes a long time to shower has plenty of other challenges in their life, regardless of dynamics. Most of these come from people who are so up their own arses, they refuse to accept that sometimes disabled people need to come first.

I have spoken many times with my disabled daughter about how she, in many ways, is way more privileged than a whole load of non disabled people. But when it comes to the physicality, the sheer mental and physical exhaustion she can feel after an entire day in navigating a world that not only isn’t designed for her, but has a whole load of people who refuse to do the bare minimum to allow her to help herself, a non disabled person would have to be in an extraordinarily shit position to experience what she goes through.

If this is a regular occurrence you need to fix the issue not condemn either person to permanent cold showers.

On the face of it, person A. But could they not stagger showering times, or look at a better solution for the hot water? It shouldn't need to be a straight either/or.

Common sense approach needed. Not turning this into a bashing people without a physical disability and practically telling them they deserve a cold shower because they don’t have mobility issues. FGS. 🙄

no one needs water running continuously for 20 mins. In any household using a shower off the mains water feed that would be totally selfish and wasteful. You get in, rinse your body. Turn off water and soap/ shampoo. Turn on and rinse. Simple.

I am going to go out on a limb here and assume most saying it’s person A has either never actually been person A in this situation, nor has been Person B.

I just asked Person A and Person B in our house and the answer was an unequivocal “Person B” response. I’m person C who generally has to just shower whenever I can, or lives with a freezing hose down with an entirely empty tank. I still think person B goes first (but often wishes Person A would remember to boost the hot water tank before he showers.😆)

would you be person B @BoredZelda and how did you frame it to your family?
would you honestly say to them “you will always have a totally cold short shower so I can always have a totally warm 20min shower!”

Sorry just reread and you are C, so your person B would expect everyone else to have a freezing shower instead of sharing the hot water?!

Or, perhaps we could stop bashing disabled people and telling them how they need to shower.

For me it would be whoever needed longer to be ready to go after the shower, so likely person B? But I'd also be looking at an electric shower or some other system with hot water on demand.