Do men really drag it out when unwell?

[dogsandbudgey]

Forgive me please if I’m being harsh. My partner has had a cold/ congested/ feeling a bit shit since last week and is still ‘unwell’ . Now I get that having a cold is a bit crap and it’s really unpleasant. However, this has resulted in my partner being in bed since 6pm having done sweet FA all day. Now, this is one thing but why is it when woman are sick they still have to parent/ make dinner/ do laundry and try as best to get on whith it?!? Why is this? I will say he has an extremely high pressure stress job- he’s not lazy as such but just this moping about is giving me the rage.

am I alone with this??

Never heard of man flu. It's a recognised thing apparently.

It’s making me actually really cross! Apparently I challenged him for going to bed when sick when I saw him heading up just before 6. I feel like it’s ruining my weekend lol. Reminds me of a time when my kids were really small babies and I took severe nurovirus and it’s was absolutely horrific- I wanted to be able to go to bed and be alone until I felt better, but oh no, I had to get on with it despite a 6 mth old colicky baby and a toddler that was insistent on trailing the house apart lol

Surely someone so used to such stress and high pressure would find it a doddle to cope with a bit of a sniffle.
🙄

You’d think! I agree!!

This doesn’t happen at my house tbh. If im poorly I’m sent to bed, have baths run for me, drinks and any required medicine delivered to me. Dh does all the cooking anyway but will put washing on etc which is usually what I do.
When he’s ill I pick up the slack.
I probably get ill once a year and him about 3 times a year. Just lucky in that I have quite a robust immune system.
Generally though a cold isn’t terrible but our dc are grown up now (plus a teen) so it’s much easier to chill and rest properly than when they were young and would seek you out in bed!

My husband limps around the house, regardless of the ailment.

Drives me insane. You've got a cold, not gangrene!

I think some of them drag it out, but apparently men are more prone to suffering more from infections - women are more prone than men to autoimmune diseases.

But there's still attitude - men might suffer worse, but some of them, don't they just want everyone to know it...

My DH would make a tremendous fuss if he had a cold. This involved very loud nose blowing and coughing. He had a few ailments that he moaned about and would go to bed for something I just got on with.

I think you’re being unfair. Colds can be really debilitating and if he feels rough then bed is the best place. If he lived on his own he’d be able to get to bed without being criticised. And yes, I do know that if he lived on his own he’d have to look after himself, but you’re supposed to be a team.

If you’ve no other grievance then leave him be. If you have, then this isn’t about him feeling unwell.

In sickness and in health etc etc

Mine gets through lemsips and whisky in the evening. 🙄

On the contrary, I think the only time Dh has taken off sick in the 18 years I’ve known him, excepting a few 24 hour vomiting bugs, was 7 days for COVID because it was early days and I literally locked him in the bedroom and left trays of food in front of the door because I refused to let him out. He is very lucky to so far have had nothing much wrong with him. I have cancer and have had to stop working. If roles were reversed, he’d still be working at full tilt and would be dead very soon. He is going to send himself to an early grave because he doesn’t know how to rest, ever.

DH generally gets on with it when ill, as he knows I have to. But he reaches a point where he just stops. What's irritating as I never get that chance. I have to get up regardless.

The most irritating part is he doesn't go to bed - he sits on the couch and falls asleep, mouth open. He either snores like a chainsaw or makes a loud breathing death rattle like sound. It's awful.

My ex used to be awful, probably still is, thankfully not my problem any more😁. He'd put on his flannelette paisley pyjamas that his mummy bought him and shuffle down the stairs into the kitchen. I'd ask him if he was ok and he would look at me with a pained expression, grasp his throat and give a weak little cough. Eventually he would squeak out " Lemsip & aspro clear" then shuffle back to bed. He expected me to run up and down after him for days ,taking him bowls of Heinz big soup (yuk) and anything else he wanted which I happily did at first. He never cared for me when I was ill, it was too much trouble, in fact he would find a noisy DIY job to do, so I didn't get any rest either, selfish prick!

@HoppityBun awk I know what you mean, I know it can be really hard being sick but sometimes I think you have to push through. By all means if he was seriously ill or post op etc it would be different but even a bad cold after a week surely isn’t that bad? I dunno maybe I’m harsh.

My dh is an equal adult in our house, but does do all the cooking. He doesn't act like you describe when ill at all. He powers through until completely and utterly unable to.

Reminds me of a time when my kids were really small babies and I took severe nurovirus and it’s was absolutely horrific- I wanted to be able to go to bed and be alone until I felt better, but oh no, I had to get on with it despite a 6 mth old colicky baby and a toddler that was insistent on trailing the house apart lol
That isnt the actions of an average man. That is a shit partner and shit father.

This reminded me of my ex. My kids are older now . But I just haven't forgot it. If I was ever ill I just had to get on with it. He would just sit there watch me struggling not offer help i was completely on my owm even though there was another adult. But he was worse than a child. We was at his mums once kids had been clinging on to me all day. They were both 1 and under. I asjed ex if he could help as I nedded a break. His mum said hes fucking ill ffs. He had a mild cold. Another time I asked him to help me put the kids shoes on. And his mum went hes got a 3hr fucking drive. I should have known from then that it wasn't going to work and I realised where it came from.

Same as peri I have to try and persuade DH to take time off work and rest when he's ill.

What drives me nuts is when they hold onto the wall/cabinets etc like he can’t stand up 🙄
ds18 is a funny one. He would literally hurt his arm, leg, stood on a plug (Looked like a massacre) cut his head etc - nothing…. Any cold or virus it’s like the end of the world. Honestly I’ve never seen anything like it. And since October he’s managed to catch every bug/virus doing the rounds so I’ve had a miserable git feeling sorry for himself.
DP will go to work, but he makes it known that he’s ill etc…
why is it us woman just get up and get on with it without any fuss…

I’d say that if he’s feeling rough then bed is the best place. I go to bed when I don’t feel well and if I don’t feel well then it’s irrelevant that I also didn’t feel well yesterday and the day before. Except that I then really feel fed up.

If you think he’s faking it then there are other things going on. But presumably he’d rather not feel that he has to go to bed at 6:00 pm.

All these people powering on through, steaming with heroic resentment are just taking it out on others. If he doesn’t feel well then that’s just the way it is. Be glad you don’t feel the same.

Amazingly men as humans can get ill as well, astonishing isn't it. Has nobody else on here ever felt so bad they need rest, or to go to bed?

It's the other way around in our relationship. My DH gets a cold and is over it in less than 48 hours, refused to lie on the sofa all day when I told him to recover and instead did DIY around the house. Me on the other hand have had a sniffle this week turn into a full blown sinus infection. Had to go take time off work and barely moved off the sofa and now I think I've got some kind of post viral fatigue. Maybe we are anomaly! But everybody responds differently to colds. It can be mild in some people and debilitating in others.

Men don't get ill, what a load of nonsense, just tell him to shake it off.

My OH does absolutely NOT do that.
In our 35yrs together I recall him having just two (separate) days in bed with really nasty colds and once being laid up with such pain he was rushed to hospital (turned out to be gallbladder).
He also once had 2-days of V&D where I hardly saw him as he shuffled from the (spare) bed to the guest bathroom.

My niece on the other hand is married to a real man child who will retire to bed "ill" to avoid looking after the children but will miraculously be "better" by teatime.

Yes, they're pathetic creatures really.

It’s not a gender thing. It’s a “some people irrespective of gender” thing.

Some people for example can’t stand being stuck at home and would rather be at work ill if they could, whilst some people feel sorry for themselves instead of just getting on with life.

That and some people get more symptoims from an infection than others.