PSA if you are dealing with an intrusive mil…

[WhatAFoolIveBeen]

If you are struggling with an intrusive, difficult mother-in-law this is your warning to establish boundaries! Now, not when DH grows a backbone!
I’ve done my level best to be civilised and accommodating, through early marriage, childrearing…
she’s now in her 90s and her ikle prince, who I have been caring for for the last five years (married over 30!) is severely disabled.
She’s now furious with me for not consulting her when I chose his nursing home. I don’t know if I should laugh or cry, but it’s certainly never “got better”

Oh yes, I am a MIL too!

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. It sounds like you are at your rope's end. It's OK to drop the rope. You can block or screen her calls and only deal with what you feel ready/able to do.

I don't know if you've heard of them, but you might want to have a look at the MN Cockroach Cafe thread: Cockroach cafe - Spring to Summer 2026 | Mumsnet or the Stately Homes thread: SEPTEMBER 2025 - Well we took you to Stately Homes | Mumsnet. Both are long-running MN threads, the former for those with challenging elderly folks in their lives and the latter for those with complex family relationships. Both are absolute bastions of wisdom, understanding, kindness and solidarity.

Some posters may engage in a bit of a pile-on - "it's his mum!", "she's family!", "I'd never treat my elderly mum that way!" - that sort of thing. Those people are fortunate enough to have loving families and lovely parents; it's hard for some people to appreciate just how gut-wrenching and soul destroying it can be to deal with relentless viciousness from those who ought to love you most.

Best wishes to you. x

i feel you, think this could end up being me, husband 54 mil 89, she messages him daily up to 3 times a day. asking him to do a job and if he doesn't reply within a hour another message will arrive of how are you, what are you doing then another one of how do i cook a egg or slice cheese or something just as ridiculous. tried to explain to my husband that their are no boundaries and it is emeshment and feels intrusive and he just says its his phone dont look as he wont just say to her mum i love you but i dont want to talk every day. after 28 years ive really had enough