"I was brought up to...."

[OriginalSkang]

I often see people on here saying "I was brought up to always.. " or " I was raised to...", be it treating people a certain way, raising your children a certain way, whatever it may be

My childhood wasn't great in some ways and I didn't have a particularly good role model in my mum. Is that why I can't imagine ever saying I do something just because my parents did? There are some things they did that I do, but I would never blindly follow what someone else does without thinking about it for myself

Is anyone else like this?

This is just a random thought really. Its not deep and not a thread about a thread

but I would never blindly follow what someone else does without thinking about it for myself

I don't think that's really what it means.

Most people who say 'I was brought up to' are saying it because they're glad they were, and that it's something they're happy to stick to now.

Apart from "I was brought up to believe if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all".

That sort of nonsense can get in the bin along with '#BeKind'

May I ask why that’s ‘nonsense’? I was brought up to be like this and it’s served me well, I cannot see any benefits in making someone feel badly about themselves.

Because 'nice' is subjective.

Because it's often used as a tool to shut down girls and women when they're sick of putting up with other people's shit.

Because sometimes the truth just isn't nice and blowing smoke up someone's arse or staying silent, aren't always the best options if you want to help them.

Thanks for explaining, I appreciate that perspective, I hadn’t considered that before.

How odd you think that people blindly follow these things. That isn’t what it means.

Most people are brought up with values and as you grow up, some things make sense and others don’t. Like the adult nudity threads - some people are brought up around it and continue to do it and others don’t.

Yeah, I was dragged up, not brought up, so the idea that something is hallowed because it's from that era is pretty alien to me. When I find myself in a parenting pickle, I usually think "what would my parents have done" and then do, if not the opposite, definitely something different.

It irritates me a bit because you often see people saying that it was how they were brought up, or not how they were brought up, as if that settles it and no further reason is needed. Ok, but what if what you were or weren't brought up with was shit?

Then you apply critical thinking, the same way as everyone else.

I think some people think it means blindly following - it really doesn’t

It can do, though. You do see people saying, "It's just how/not how I was brought up" with no further substance. Ok, you were/weren't brought up that way. So what?

I think a lot of people have an innate pride in their parents and how they were brought up (presumably they are happier with the results than I am), so it feels like a powerful validation of it. But it doesn't really mean anything on its own.

I'm another not keen on this saying, either. It's ok to go along with parents' values when you're still growing up, but it always strikes me as a bit pathetic really when grown adults use this phrase as the start of an explanation about their own beliefs and mores. Fine, if your beliefs and customs tally with what is familiar from childhood, but don't trot it out as if it's the catch-all reason. it sort of absolves oneself from free thinking.

Then again, I'm not keen on religious edicts either, as if we are not capable of thinking for ourselves and making moral judgments based on our own conscience.

I think it can be annoying because while some people use it to explain why they do something one way, others cite it almost as a default “I was brought up to do it like this so everyone else should too”.
Like “I was brought up to always tidy the house before bedtime” or “I was brought up to eat everything offered to me if I’m a guest” or “I was brought up to write hand written thank you letters if I’ve been to a friends for dinner”.

They’re often perfectly nice options, but not universally agreed truths or nationally agreed etiquette. Being “brought up to do x” doesn’t mean that it’s the best way or the only right way always.

I was brought up to cook 'real food' and then sit at the table and eat my dinner off a plate with a knife and fork.

Yesterday I was tired and made porridge for dinner and ate it directly out of the (le creuset) (secondhand from charity shop) saucepan.

I did use a spoon.

The sky did not fall in.

I was brought up not to be nosey and watch/listen to people. I stand by that completely. Not because I’m blindly sticking to it but it makes logical sense. I’m AuDHD so my thinking is ‘does it negatively affect someone if I continue with this’ and the answer is no

I was also brought up that you shouldn’t leave the house without make up - I haven’t worn makeup for over 20 years

Not seeing any evidence of people blindly sticking to things

I'd use it as "that's how I was brought up, it worked then and it works for me now so I have carried on with it". Not "we did it that way so everyone else is wrong". Or worse "oh, do some people eat dinner in front of the TV not at the table"

But if you are doing it because it makes sense to you, why say it's how you were brought up?

I just think the expression is silly. Why take credit away from your own thought process?

It's not like your parents invented wearing makeup or listening to others. Whether you do it or not it's surely inconsequential?

@PennySweeet or to help yourself by putting someone right that needs to told home truths and not stay silent when it has an adverse effect on yourself.👍

Yeah I never related to this either coming from a bad home, as well. Whenever I hear people say it it almost feels like a brag a lot of the time. Maybe that's just me being defensive given my upbringing, or lack thereof. I just feel it's said in the context of 'I wouldn't do that, because I was brought up better than that'. Like, sorry, I didn't choose which family to be born into. Almost as if they're implying they're better than everyone for having such a wonderful upbringing.

I think you are being defensive though it’s understandable.

Please read some of the other comments on here - it’s not a value judgment of knowing better, it just relates to things you were taught (manners etc) as a child but that you do or don’t do now.

Some people were ‘brought up to believe you should take your shoes off inside a house - when they have their home, they may decide to continue to do that or they may decide not to.

It really isn’t a superiority thing - and I think it’s interesting that those with crap childhoods are misunderstanding its meaning.

Thank you. I have read the other comments, and I understand what you are saying. I was just giving my perspective. I understand people were brought up to do things, things that I just wasn't brought up to do.

I guess for people Iike me, with "crap childhoods" it's normal to get defensive over such mannerisms. We understand the meaning perfectly fine.

But it isn’t a good or bad thing (although those who say ‘I was brought up better than that’ are attaching judgment to others).

I wasn’t taught specifically that nosiness is a bad thing but I wasn’t surrounded by people who were nosey so I could say I was brought up to value privacy in myself and others. Nothing to do with good or bad parenting.

I think the confusion is between you feeling it’s about actively being taught to do certain things by ‘good’ parents.

They are just cliches and mannerisms - It’s really not something that people say to piss you off personally although it probably doesn’t feel like that

Without having read the full thread I agree with you OP.

I once had a (now-ex) friend who blamed her out and out racism on how she was brought up. My Grandmother was as racist as they come too, but I looked outward and educated myself formed my own opinions as an adult who left home at 19.

There’s various other less awful examples but if I had just blindly gone along with how my grandparents and parents thought life should be lived then my life would be much poorer, in terms of loved ones and experiences, than it is now.

I was brought up to always consider outward appearance and to worry about how others would judge me.

I have lived my life not giving a fuck about other people's opinions and I am so much happier for it

mine was remember my manners - parents and trust no one although that was from X-files