Do boys need less parenting and cost less to raise than girls?

[elliejjtiny]

Can you settle this debate for me because I have all sons so don't have any daughter experience.

My MIL insists that boys need "less parenting" than girls and that they cost less to bring up.

I think that's rubbish and it's about individual personality, if they have disabilities/health problems and how much parents are willing to pay.

We are broke so the dc know that they get clothes from Primark/supermarket/ebay and if they want anything fancier then it's a Christmas/birthday present. Apparently if they were girls I would "have" to buy them designer stuff otherwise they would get body image issues/eating disorders.

My dc have their fair share of problems, autism, self harming etc which apparently would be worse if they were girls. I don't think that's true. I think some issues are more common in boys or in girls but neither sex is particularly easy.

But apparently I am clueless about how hard it is to have girls because I don't have any.

What a load of rubbish - it's absolutely down to the individual child, and their needs. And how much, as parents, we are willing to fork out for.

For me, I've got two boys and a girl - and over all I'd say it's worked out pretty evenly. The boys were never into fashion, and would happily have lived decked out in clothes from Sports Direct the whole time they were growing up if I'd let them! But they cost me a bloody fortune in football boots, , rugby boots and cricket shoes. My DD was happy with Vinted clothes, but her haircuts weren't cheap.

The boys went to cheap clubs such as football, but needed ferrying around all over the countryside, and both played cricket at district/county level which was fairly expensive. My DD played piano, ballet, and tae kwon do, all of which were more expensive than the clubs the boys went to.

As for parenting, they've all needed attention/help with things at different times over the years. My DD has had more difficulty with mental health than the boys, but that's not to say that the boys haven't needed our time and attention with other things.

But a friend of mine has two children, a boy who trained to be a pilot, which cost well over £100 000, and one, a girl, who has unfortunately had quite severe mental health problems that have cost a small fortune in private therapy.

So, it's definitely down the child, not the sex of that child.

Of course it’s rubbish. Children are individuals and how ‘hard’ they are to raise is entirely down to them individually, not what sex they are. For what it’s worth I have three, a girl and two boys, and it’s one of the boys that worries us and challenges us as parents the most. For now anyway, could all change.

Less parenting? No. That’s ridiculous.

They might have less expensive hobbies. Our boys did the usual football, cricket, swimming and athletics outside of school. Probably less expensive than all the dance/horsey things I did. My nieces cost a lot in terms of clothes, skincare and makeup too - boys, I find, are not demanding in these departments.

Oh dear, she’s definitely not the brightest is she 😆

I have one of each, DD has always wanted more things and been more discerning about clothes/stuff.....that doesnt neccessarily mean she got everything she wanted. Money has always burned a hole in her pocket whereas DS has never been bothered about labels/clothes, and has always saved. He also had mates that handed down loads of sports kit when they grew out of it. However I have a friend with 2 boys, similar ages, and she had the exact same experience.
DD is currently costing more because she's at uni.
DS cost more in school uniform as he had a major growth spurt and went up 5 shoe sizes in one year!
DS hair cuts are £21 a time and he gets his hair cut way more frequently than DD

My 13 year old son is on his 3rd blazer in one calendar year. He is HARD on clothes and so school shoes, trainers, trousers and even bags get worn through and need replacing regularly.

In comparison, my 11 year old daughter is so careful with things that her items are good enough to pass on once outgrown.
In this sense, he costs way more. He also asks for more and she never does.

With regards to designer labels, I get them both what I can (thrifting, TKMaxx, eBay etc) and they both have a very adequate selection of good quality items. I’d say it’s more important for the boy than the girl, if I’m honest. A girl can get away with Zara, H & M, SHEIN etc. My son looks ‘more fashionable’ in labels, even if it’s just TKMaxx buys or Nike.

Indeed, we have just got back from the Barber with my son - £22! He needs this every 6 weeks but probably has it every 2 months. By contrast, daughter gets her hair done once or twice a year at £25-£30.

It also depends on what extra curricular activities the children partake in and what hobbies. Son goes out every weekend with mates and asks for spending money, for example. He bikes and takes part in a military education which is costly. Daughter has tutors which also aren’t cheap.

Just wish I could pick a favourite and spent more on that one - but they both annoy me equally 😉

lol no they are the same 🤣

DS loves gymnastics and would adore riding lessons and ponies if we could afford it. I’m constantly buying new socks for some reason and wellies, no idea what he’s doing to them. Haven’t reached the teen years yet but I understand they cost a small fortune to feed, DH’s mum used to really struggle to fill him up on a budget.

...

This is absolute bollocks. They're individuals and it depends on their interests and hobbies.

Out of my 3 DC only one (DS) has chosen to go to uni. For this reason alone he'll probably end up costing us more than his brother and sister.

Everyone’s experience is unique and I think birth position matters too. IME DS has required less intensive parenting and less money spent on “upkeep” (clothes, hygiene, health etc) but has had more spent on him on activities and stuff. DD has had to be more intensely parented and has had far more spent on her in terms of upkeep (more clothes, more hygiene, make up, more frequent hair cuts, jewellery etc) but less on activities and “stuff”. DS older. We do our best to treat them equitably and nurture them the same. We have spreadsheets to make sure they are treated as far as possible financially the same. They’ve never ever complained about things being unfair.

Fact, male; haircuts, clothing and toiletries cost less.
People of all ages tend to tolerate disheveled boys more than girls.
Males get better medical attention than females.
The inequality starts early.

Depends on the child, not their gender.

And kicking a ball about in the mud certainly doesn’t come cheap!!!

Same and agree!

🤣🤣 don’t boys need hair cuts or wear underwear then?!?

Sounds like the absolute shit my mother in law trots out sometimes. Does my head in. I can never really decide if she’s a bit bitter, deep down, that she never had a daughter or whether she genuinely believes that sons really ‘raise themselves’. To be fair, my husband is (of course!) perfect 😂 but her other two are… problematic in their own ways, so I think it’s largely that she was just a.. hands off parent, to put it delicately, tbh.

Purely on a food level, my boys are absolute bins. I don't think girls would eat as much but might be wrong. I think it's down to the individual child and not a gender thing. I don't think I was particularly expensive to raise 🤷‍♀️

barbers are cheaper than hairdressers

and a packet of trunk underwear is cheaper than a set of bra and knickers

like for like

yes boys can have male grooming haircuts but then girls can go for a full long length highlights

boys don't tend to wear makeup and get their nails done, and on average fewer piercings - so don't tend to need as much jewellery or cosmetics
yes they can like expensive aftershave but then girls can like expensive perfume

boys don't tend to want as many accessories - bags for instance but might want belts

on the whole like for like boys are cheaper for appearance of the same "influence standard" than girls

Your MIL is totally wrong.

I have one of each. Of course boys don’t cost less than girls. It depends on the individual. Plus even where there are differences between individuals over a whole childhood they often even out.

but as a bit of anecdata, my DS14 was much cheaper than my DD9 as she does music, and 3 dance lessons a week, and he gave up all clubs etc during Covid and didn’t pick any back up. However, he has now got into MTBing and basically this is a giant money pit of eye wateringly expensive bikes, constant bike repairs, replacement helmets and trips to MTB parks around the country and now abroad. So I think a lot depends on your kids hobbies.

Tbh I think her attitude is exactly why we have so many issues with men as they've been 'under' parented. Boys need just as much support, investment etc as girls and tbh I love that this generation is doing so much more to raise more self aware, emotionally regulated and respectful men.

Thank you. Mil has all boys too.

She says girls cost more because they "need" all designer clothes and boys don't care what they look like. Also girls apparently have to have loads of toiletries, hair products etc when boys just need shower gel and that's it.

If I ever try and argue she just shakes her head and says "you have no idea". It's infuriating.

I think you’re spot on here!

No