What do you make of people disabling blue ticks on WhatsApp?

[fnb]

What makes people go into the settings to specifically disable this feature?

That's how I feel about it too. A friend is always changing her settings - I couldn't be bothered. Mine are all on but I don't harass anyone to answer read messages straight away. I always tell people to reply when they can and that I often read messages but can't respond straight away.

A guy I was seeing briefly kept blocking me and unblocking me on messenger despite the fact I never messaged him ever. He would disappear off my list then pop back up again. That whole business is more embarrassing for him than just leaving it be imo.

My ticks are off and so is last seen online is off.

Always felt pressure to be available so deleted my last seen. My friends ticks all off too. People want you too available.

Mine are off, because if I don’t want to meet up with someone when they ask, I tell them I didn’t see their message in time. Some people can be very pushy, and it’s sometimes easier to lie to them than tell them no for no reason.

I have it disabled largely because if I read a message from my Mum and don’t reply with half an hour she’ll text or call or WhatsApp again repeatedly until I do. I have a toddler, I don’t have time for it and nor does it bother me to see when anyone else has read my message.

What an enormous range of explanation people come up with for having blue ticks disabled! everything from "the person has issues and likes playing mind games" to "My son rings me and wakes me!" and "why do we have to be instantly available all the time anyway!" Fascinating what motives people come up with.

my mother

I love her dearly, but if she sees the ticks she calls if you don't respond within a millisecond.

Most reasonable people know that others reply when they get a chance but not everyone is reasonable. Some people can get weird about having their message read and not replied to straight away.
I just can't be bothered to deal with all that drama so switched it off years ago.

Yeah. Enigmatic...

I'd think they're maybe avoidant.

I used to do this because I felt pressure (from myself) but they are back on so the DC don’t send multiple messages- if the ticks aren’t blue, I haven’t read the message!

Because if I don't reply in 0.25 seconds my mum starts with:

'helloooooooo'
'?????'
'are you ok??'
'answer meeeeee'

I don't like feeling spied on. I disable it on any chat platform I use and refuse to use anywhere I can't set myself as invisible.

I like being able to take time out from being social without people reading all sorts into what my intentions might be.

My mate got rid of them because she found it gave her anxiety when she knew someone had read her texts and not replied, she would overthink it and feel rejected. I got rid of it because I liked to reply at leisure without worrying that someone would be like my mate and anxiously worry why I hadn't replied...

My dad is annoying and used to get the hump if I didn’t reply after reading. Turning off blue ticks is easier (and less dramatic) than going NC (which much of MN would recommend).

Yes I was thinking this. I found the blue ticks/last seen handy for my kids when they were young adults, as at least I knew they were alive 🤣 Also my disabled brother, who doesn't think much of me checking up on him, and my elderly mum. Mum in particular will read a message and think she's replied, but with the blue ticks I know she has received the message which might be about a visit or a change of plan.
And I know people who have a lot of anxiety about it or just want privacy who turn them off. It's never crossed my mind to judge a person for how they set up their phones. If people find it a useful way to manage anxiety then I think that's healthy, either way.
Strange times really, these devices being yet another way to judge or be judged when they are really just a useful communication tool.

I think it's actually the wrong way round - the more private settings should be the default and it should be an opt IN if you want extra details displayed. Would people then make the effort to go in and change the settings? Would you be seen as an avoidant, anxiety ridden, red flag waving, mind game playing weirdo if you didn't bother to enable the last seen and blue ticks? 🤔

Good point. I’ve had mine off for years, as have many of my friends. We’re all pretty low key on socials and value our privacy. I honestly thought this was the norm now. Some if the judgement and assumptions about why people should prefer privacy are puzzling to me. Set up your phone the way it best suits you and your situation.

I hate it. It puts the onus on the sender to worry, call, text, etc. if there's an important message to convey.

However, I've read these threads before and I've learnt that some people have family members who hassle them and that's why they have to switch them off. In that case, it would just be polite to reply to any important message so the sender isn't left hanging.

how does it work in group chats?
i often want to read the messages but when I’m busy I haven’t got time or headspace to reply but still want to be kept updated
just feel rude as most people reply in seconds and I want to reply in my own time ( but be nosy at the same time without being obvious I read messages)
can i put myself in aeroplane mode

I’ve only got a couple of friends who have turned their blue ticks off. In both those cases they have got quite serious anxiety / mental health struggles and can take weeks / months to reply to a message.
Everyone else I know has them on but there’s no pressure to reply straight away and no one hassles or gets stroppy if it takes days for a response. It’s just nice to know that a message has been received.

Because people are annoying and impatient…I sometimes quickly glance on my phone if a message pops up while I’m working or walking down the street, but I can’t reply straight away. There are some people who see the blue tick and send follow ups like ‘hello?”, “?” which does my head in.

If it's that important then you can say in the message 'please let me know by X because I'll need to do Y before we can Z' to convey how pressing it is?

And one person's 'important' could be another person's 'really?! You got your knickers in a knot because I didn't answer that when I'm busy at work?' If it was a matter of life and death then surely you would try to speak to them?

Because "being left on read" is a thing. Some people get funny about it and sometimes I'm busy/ need to think / need to talk to dh first (mil). It creates a pressure to reply that can be easily avoided by turning it off. I'm also an introvert with social anxiety so that might have something to do with it 😅

I think most people have it off, don’t they?

Because people used to say
“why have you read and not replied”
I just like the privacy of it
Also last seen and online are off for the same reason