Has anyone got this midlife lark worked out?

[Springandsunshine]

Just that really....
I'm approaching my mid 50s and have an older teen and a partner but I just feel something is missing. I have a group of great friends and I live close to my lovely family but can't help feeling unsettled/untethered. I know I don't have the drive & motivation that I had in my 30s or 40s and this stage of life feels odd, for some reason. I'm menopausal with some additional health issues but I'm on HRT and I feel my hormones are finally balanced.
I work full-time in a job that is satisfying in itself but the small team I work with can be challenging at times. The fixed term contract on the job is due to finish later this year, so I'm busy looking for alternatives but so many jobs now are only being offered as fixed term, which isn't great for security. I think I'm tired with working f/t and the commute (1 hour each way), but there's nothing available closer to home (so far) that I would enjoy or that pays the same.
I'm doing a course online (one evening a week) that I'm really enjoying but fitting it in time wise is proving tricky. I can't afford to drop hours at work either & I think this is annoying me! I would like to hope that the course will allow me to pivot in my job but it will mean another 3 years of training before I can do that and the pay in this new role is generally lower.
I used to always say I didn't have any regrets but I do now regret not being more financially savvy and saving/investing in younger years. We've got things that need doing on the house but have limited funds to do the improvements. I feel I have limited earning potential now but also really cannot imagine working until I'm 67 either!
I'm finding it hard to find meaning at this stage of life, but I know I'm so lucky in many ways. I just feel that work/life feels like rinse & repeat on a daily basis. I journal & set goals but just feel that things aren't really changing.

Does anyone else feel like this at this age & stage?

Has anyone found any marvellous solutions to feeling like this? 😀

Can you downsize your house or lower your outgoings in any way so that you can either work less hard or do something you enjoy more?

Thanks @RobinInTheCrabApple I have considered this but I think the cost of moving would outweigh the benefits & we couldn't really move to something much smaller. I'm going to look at whether I can take my pension earlier & what the reduction would be. This might give some options.

It's a weird situation to be in at this stage of life & I keep coming back to the question "is this it?" I suppose the feeling of being "trapped" by work (and a lack of alternative jobs) plus feeling worn out & having to work full time is playing on my mind. I'm still searching for some meaning & that settled feeling - if that ever happens!

Has anyone else felt like this? Any magic solutions?

OP, I recommend this book https://www.amazon.co.uk/Middle-Passage-Mid-Life-Psychology-Analysts/dp/0919123600/ref=asc_df_0919123600?mcid=6da392a622c534db81f4cca3dee78fca&th=1&psc=1&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=697181752995&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=15565948716354304769&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9046003&hvtargid=pla-434645201679&psc=1&hvocijid=15565948716354304769-0919123600-&hvexpln=0&gad_source=1
I found it really life changing.

I’ve always believed that my own purpose in life is to help others. I narrowed that down to animals, and then divided that into local, national, and international. My mother used to say that there is so much need in the world that there’s something for everyone! It’s getting out of your own head but that can be very difficult indeed. 🌷

It's a hard stage of life, definitely, and I know what you mean. I haven't got it worked out at all ... but I think that if you can find ways to lose yourself (in nature, in music, in hobbies, whatever), and find things to look forward to (eg activities with family), maybe it will help carry you through.

@ScanForm thank you so much for the book recommendation - I've ordered it. I love reading & this type of book is right up my street! The reviews looked really good too.

@MelarusI’m at a similar age/stage but have a bit more freedom than you as I’m self-employed, admittedly.
something I’ve noticed as I get older though is far more pleasure in simple things, e.g. sitting in the sun with a cup of tea and a good book on a Saturday morning and listening to bird song. and little treats like a nice pastry for breakfast. That may sound ‘small’ but I always chased excitement and big experiences. Now I enjoy the small things and it’s a series of small moments that make up life.
I also try to spread positivity and treat others how I would like to be treated, and seem to get it back in return.

I was thinking about this the other day and I wonder at this stage (I’m 46) do we overthink everything- as in ‘why amn’t I as happy as I was, how can I be happier?!’ I find I regularly think back to when I just went through life, mostly content, but so much has piled on since then I couldn’t be as content- I’ve more on, my body is more exhausted, I’ve health worries and worries about my mum,relationship issues, teenagers!! I’d love to be as positive as I was, I miss it! Hope you figure it out x

Read the Midlifechic blog - lots of discussion about the challenges of this time of life and how to tackle it - and great comments section with readers sharing their experiences.

Great news- I really loved it.

I agree about finding pleasure in small things, a nice walk, good film or book, lunch with friends. There doesn’t need to be a massive purpose to life in order to enjoy it.

I totally potter, go for a walk, read a book, do a pilates class, am teaching myself watercolour painting and sketching. I do work full time and enjoy my job which helps. I wake up every morning excited for the day which I think is good.

I’m sure from the outside my life is dull and boring but it doesn’t feel like that to me.

Place marking for the lovely recommendations and to find the thread after I get home. I think I’ve come out of the other side of this, but things were pretty bleak for a few years.

yes, feeling it very acutely today. I am 47

Yes, it's a strange feeling, isn't it.

I do the gratitude thing and list (physically or mentally) all the things I'm grateful for. I do enjoy the small, simple things like reading & going for a coffee on my own and yet I just can't seem to shake this feeling that something is missing.

I do think my purpose in life (work wise) is helping others and I do enjoy the contact I have with people, the part I'm struggling with (more so since the menopause) is tolerating work colleagues & doing unnecessary nonsense. I used to keep my mouth shut & let it wash over me, but I can't now! I think working alone or for myself could be the answer & the course I'm doing could lead to that. My issue is that the course will take another 3 years before I can do that and I think that's what's annoying me too! I want to fast forward to this part and I can't. I'm thinking of looking at some coaching/counselling to help me work this out. I think the ending of my fixed contract at work & wanting to work slightly less hours are bothering me as I don't feel that financially I can afford to work less at the moment. I also know that some current health issues are limiting what my next job will be too. It's a strange age & stage to be in and not one that I anticipated in my 30s or 40s as I was just focused on raising our daughter & getting through those challenging phases of balancing work & family life.

Op I totally hear you I’m 51 and going back to uni, it’s financially terrible, but in 3 years I’ll be qualified to work in the NHS if it still exists and that’s my plan till I’m 67+ for me it’s finding a new challenge totally different to my current business and so much less income but we can downsize if needed.

Virtually all the things you say about your situation, age, stage of life and lack of financial planning apply to me too, except the work thing. I'm a teacher. I love my job, but t's exhausting and I'd like to go back to being part time, as I was for years until my dc were mid-late teens. It wouldn't be financially wise though.

I don't feel something is missing. It's more that I just feel it's all a bit much! I've booked a session with a financial advisor to talk about pensions etc as mine is crap because I was pt for so long. I've been a teacher for 30 years and I'm not looking to change at this point.

Do you have hobbies, OP?

I dont think there is a meaning, is there?
We just happen to be the only animal on the planet who is capable of thinking in an abstract way about our mortality so we obsess over the time we have. Other animals just get on with it then its over!
I actually find the lack of meaning comforting!!LOL😆

I’ve also ticked off all the boxes. Marriage children career success… Ive never really focused on my health and longevity and ive decided that is my next goal. Pushing my body and finding its limits and getting strong is something I regret not doing earlier on in life. It’s filled a gap and it may be the only thing that ive done truly for myself and i have found it liberating and rewarding and the selfishness of it is oddly rewarding.

@Morepositivemum yes, I agree with you. Definitely having more things to contend with does seem to dull the enjoyment of other things. Health issues also add to this.

@reversegear Good for you - retraining will give you great focus and direction at this stage in your life. As it is something you really want to do & have probably had to make sacrifices for, I imagine you will have a lot of drive & commitment to complete it. Good luck.

In the last year, I've joined an evening yoga group and made new friends plus a community litter group which is fun and very satisfying. My children are 12 and 14 so I'm still seeing lots of them whilst working full time. My family, friends and garden make me happy plus the occasional DIY project. I don't really have time to navel gaze which I think is a good thing.

I totally get the ‘is this it’ feeling. I’ve got a nice house, my health, money in the bank etc but I still don’t feel happy. I hate my husband, hate the constant cleaning etc, hate cooking. Since my kids became independent, I can’t see the point of my life any more, but not in a suicidal way, it’s like I need to find a purpose. It’s this stage of life, I didn’t feel like this 10 years ago.

I agree with @henlake7. Life’s meaningless and everything dies!

That is why those who learn to appreciate the little things are so much happier than those constantly striving and stressing for MORE.

Not saying that is you OP, but midlife angst is fairly unpleasant and rarely gets you anywhere. You are already training for a new job, you sound thoughtful and practical, a great combination.

You will be fine. The money will come. Get out and enjoy your Sunday. 💐

I read a book recommended on here oooh about 12 years ago; how to do everything and be happy by Peter Jones (not dragons den). It's a collection of strategies, there's no psycho babble. The thing that really helped me was identifying why I wanted certain things in my life - I realised a lot was based on snobbery or what my older sister valued. Once I started figuring out what I actually enjoy my life improved, perhaps not immediately, but the book highlighted how to plan the next steps to get my life to where I wanted to be.

I can relate to lots being said here.

When I think of the future I tend to curb my ambitions and say ‘It’s too late to try that’. So the feeling of Has This Been All is very familiar. And it’s silly I’m only 52. But those defeating thoughts crop up.

Plus the daily grind is tough and I definitely don’t make enough time for the small things. I’ve also been very tired recently. And my kids need me way less and are flying the nest.

I’m trying to start a new business, my career stalled long time ago.

And my dad passed last year and the sadness hits me sometimes the accepting of mortality and all.

I feel lonely too and need to get over that as I have a full life,

Definitely 100% this!

This is the magic and works for me!