How to word this message to my DD's friends mum.

[WafflesOrIceCream]

Hi All,

I need some help in wording a text to my DD's friends mum.My DD's friend (14) has a habit of breaking my DD's things.Today it was a pen(My DD's finger got scratched in the process).My DD has told her before many times not to do this but it happened again.

My DD does not want the teachers to be involved as she doesn't want her friend getting in to any trouble.I don't think this will stop either so I thought of messaging the friends mum instead.

I know it's only a pen but my DD's bag was damaged in year 7 by the same friend.It just adds another unnecessary expense.

I know the mum ,and I don't want to make it awkward but something needs to be done.

How can I word the message?I was going to send her a message through watsapp.

Thank you all.

Are there more broken things? Or just a pen and a pencil? You mentioned a bag?

She must really like playing tug of war.

Is this a joke 👀

Has your Dd ever broken or lost something herself? I'd consider the possibility that it all gets blamed on the friend when it isn't always her. Start telling your Dd she will have to replace the broken things herself, you may find she takes better care of the things. Don't message a 14yos mum about pens and pencils. Put the responsibility back on your DD.

I asked a question. I have taken on board your advice.Some of you have said it nicely and others not so nicely.

I am financially struggling so have to watch every penny which is why its getting to me.

You cannot seriously message your 14 year olds friends parents about a broken pencil and pen. Maybe if they were 6 you could but seriously this would be ridiculous at this age to text a mum over.

Yes in year 7 it was my DD's bag strap.I have told my DD to not sit next to her friend and tell her why too.

I wouldn’t message anyone because it might backfire on your DD, but anyway really it should be her that needs to sort it with that friend. What’s your DD saying?

At 14 years of age she's old enough to sort this out for herself.

"Pack it in Susan, that's your last warning".

If she does it again, she breaks off the friendship.

She doesn't need her mum getting involved.

Messaging the mum isn't going to end well no matter how you word it.

Let it go Op. A broken pencil and pen isn't worth a friendship surely?

100% dont message the mum over a broken pen. If your dd is so upset then tell her to stop hanging about with the girl

I actually feel for you. We know it’s not about the actual pen / pencil / bag strap.

it’s about the financial worry of replacing those things if they get broken as it seems you are struggling slightly from what you’ve said.

I wouldn’t say anything to the mom but tell your child to keep their stuff away from them and maybe speak to the school regarding supplies to see if they can help.

I can see why this is difficult then - having to replace stuff that's broken through horseplay when money is tight is not fun. Been there, got that t-shirt - you have my sympathies.

That said, I still don't think you should message the other mum, but your DD needs to step up to the mark, take responsibility for her stuff and keep away from this girl. Can you speak to the school, let them know what's happening, and if it continues, see if there's any possibility of separating them in class if they sit next to each other?

If your daughter doesn’t want to involve the teachers then she needs to work out how to tackle it herself.
Does she have to sit next to this girl? Could she sit closer to the teacher? Surely the teacher can see them having a tussle over a pen?

Tbh I’d drop it into a conversation over a coffee or cocktail. Or driving somewhere together.
A written message does not always have the same impact as we intend.

I wouldn’t be messaging a Mum about a broken pen tbh. I wouldn’t call 2 incidents in 2/3 years a habit either. They were probably messing around and it would be so awkward to moan about a broken pen and scratched finger. The friend will definitely be upset with your DD if you text her Mum. It’s fine that you don’t agree and that others don’t agree, that’s just my opinion. I would say to my daughter “Keep hold of your pen!!!”

A tug of war over a pen?
It sounds like the friend is trying to get a reaction out of your DD and your DD is giving her that reaction.
Maybe your DD could try a different response eg your DD ignored her or just asked for it back instead of getting in a physical altercation the friend will soon get bored of it.

In year 7? So… two or three years ago.

Unless the pen was a Mont Blanc, you really need to chill out. Your daughter’s 14, not 4. She needs to sort this stuff out for herself.

I also think you need to face up to the possibility that your daughter’s stuff will occasionally get damaged through her normal teenage carelessness and messing around at school, and that she’s just telling you her friend breaks her things, because she knows you make a very big deal out of buying a biro.

Don’t do this.

From another angle… maybe you could give your daughter a stationery/school stuff allowance and if she or others break it she has to pay to replace it from her money?? That might help her either not get into rough games with her stuff or put boundaries in with this friend who is damaging her stuff. Friend should replace or leave her stuff alone if it’s happening repeatedly ?
And if it’s still happening she might be more willing for you to raise it at school to e.g. not sit together?