How to word this message to my DD's friends mum.

[WafflesOrIceCream]

Hi All,

I need some help in wording a text to my DD's friends mum.My DD's friend (14) has a habit of breaking my DD's things.Today it was a pen(My DD's finger got scratched in the process).My DD has told her before many times not to do this but it happened again.

My DD does not want the teachers to be involved as she doesn't want her friend getting in to any trouble.I don't think this will stop either so I thought of messaging the friends mum instead.

I know it's only a pen but my DD's bag was damaged in year 7 by the same friend.It just adds another unnecessary expense.

I know the mum ,and I don't want to make it awkward but something needs to be done.

How can I word the message?I was going to send her a message through watsapp.

Thank you all.

It's up to your daughter to deal with her friend, not you. I would tell your dd that you won't keep replacing things so she needs to keep an eye on it

Not a pencil as well… Why didn’t you say in your OP? 🙄

Nothing you’ve mentioned so far sounds like it’s worth raising, and it’s not clear if these are accidents because she is careless or if it’s malicious. I’d say stay out of it and if your daughter isn’t happy with her property being demented, SHE needs to raise it with her friend directly.

You really are that mum aren't you? Your poor daughter doesn't need you making enemies for her.

Do not message. You will look mental. This will end very badly, mostly for your poor daughter

What was the precise situation with the pencil and pen break. Why are fourteen year olds pulling things away from one another like toddlers.

What actually happened?

Stay out of it OP

This. I can’t believe you are in danger of souring a friendship/upsetting your daughter over this. You will (rightly) look batshit. It’s a pen..

A pencil ?
..from the girls tugging at it ? This seems a massive overreaction. Your daughter is 14 not 4, she needs to calmly and firmly ask for her pencil or pen back, not wrestle her for it causing the pencil to get broken. I can’t believe you are even getting involved in this. I also can’t believe a 14 year old going to her Mum about a broken pencil.

At 14 and given what you’ve described I’d not contact a parent. I have a dd14 myself. Teach your daughter to be more assertive and look after her things better.

Unless it was a Rolex pen, Louis Vuitton school bag and Ferrari pencil, you are overreacting.

Kids break stuff. Your daughter needs to learn to keep her own stuff to herself, tell the other child not to touch her things (and raise it with teachers if they do).

This is not worthy of parent on parent!

OP I broke two pens at work in the space of a week, by fiddling with them. They cost pennies to replace. I assume there is more context to this, if not then you are overreacting. Is it affecting DD’s school work? Is she upset by it?

Don't message the parent. Your daughter can sit away from the other girl, she doesn't owe friendship to someone who breaks her stuff and scratches her.

Parent of a 14 year old here. Would need to be assult or persistent bullying for me to get involved. This has to be a wind up. Your poor dd. You cant message the mum its not fair on your dd.

Just buy a pack of cheap pencils and cheap biros from Amazon or Tesco for your daughter to have.
pens break. So do pencils. This is really really petty unless it’s a hideously expensive fountain pen (and even then I’d say don’t take it into school).

absolutely do NOT contact the other parents over a pen.

These are not actions of a friend, get DD to find a different friend.
Also, train DD to anticipate idiotic actions of class members so she can avoid so-called accidents.

If they were 4 or 8 I'd speak to their class teacher, not the other parent. The teacher will know the context, the relationship, will be in a position to keep an eye out for certain behaviours, etc. The other parent will either get super defensive or really embarrassed.

At 14, and with a pen and a pencil, I'd talk with your daughter about sorting it out themselves.

If it's on purpose, that's not a thing that good friends do. If it's an accident, I'd treat the friend with grace but stop letting her use my things. It sounds like there was a kerfuffle in maybe her grabbing the pen? Again, none of us have any idea about the situation.

I have a 14 year old and even with cheap items I'd be pissed off if things kept getting broken by other people that I'd paid for and need to replace.

If you're really concerned that it's a symptom of something bigger, send a little email to the form tutor or head of year, not to get anyone into trouble but to say you have a concern (about the behaviour, not a pen).

So you were tempted to message her about a pencil? Was it gilded?

They're 14! And you want to message the mum? I think leave them to it sort themselves.

If I was that mum,I would have complained when it first happened. I can not afford to keep buying my DD things, yes cheap pens too!

You must be so unhappy to say that!

Gently OP, you’re going to get laughed at. They are mid teens and should be able to sort this out themselves. It’s a pen and a pencil. Dear god.

Won't somebody think of the pencil!

Neurodivergent. Everything is because of neurodivergence these days.

Honestly - she's 14, stay out of it. Help her with strategies and if that doesn't work go to the teacher. Don't go straight to the parent. It won't end well.

Your DD has asked her to replace the pen. I’d leave it at that. If something expensive gets broken or if it’s three pens a week I’d contact the mum. But we aren’t there yet.

Sorry, I don't understand how she is breaking things. Is she breaking them on purpose or is she pulling at them to borrow them and they get broken. Either way I think your daughter needs to tell her she is not to touch her stuff. Going to the mom is a bit of an overkill at the moment. Tell your daughter to make it clear to her not to touch her stuff. It will help your daughter learn how to set boundaries about how she let's people treat her.