Would you say something about this overweight dog?

[ziggadee]

I love dogs, have one myself. have recently began dating someone who I have known for about a decade. We always got on well but recently admitted we have feelings beyond friendship. It's overall going very well, albeit we are quite long-distance, around 2 hours car journey.

I have rarely seen her dog over the years. My dog is just a little younger than hers. Both large breeds. When I've visited her she's had her friend look after her dog at her house and I have taken my dog with me-I have fewer options for 'dog-sittery'.

Anyway I spent the weekend at her house a couple of weeks ago and since then I can't help feeling so sorry for her dog. He is so, so fat. He struggles to move freely, constantly pants, struggles to get up and down stairs and can't get in and out of a car. Some of this could be age, both our dogs are in their 11th year. But mine is so much more sprightly and isn't showing many signs of age at all. I know all breeds are different.

I just feel so so sorry for him.

In the past, she's mentioned that a workman was at her house and said 'you're killing that dog!' regarding his weight and she was very angry. Another time a friend of hers said something similar and she rang me to rant about it, saying she wants her dog (who is a rescue) to be spoilt and have a good life and it isn't anyone else's business.

Is there no point, given the dog's age now? In saying anything? In fairness, he seems happy and is very well-loved.

Some breeds are more food-orientated, yes, and will consistently overeat if they get the chance. But the key thing is 'if they get the chance'. They can only eat what they're given, and if your girlfriend's dog is that overweight, she is giving her dog far, far too much food.

She is harming her dog, causing him to suffer and shortening his life. It's not a grey area. She needs a hell of a wake-up call.

You are talking about someone you seemingly care for in this way.

Surely if you are in a relationship (I see you mention living together at some point) then you are just open and honest with each other?

It's possible the dog has health issues. Some health issues can cause weight gain.
I am the owner of a Fatty Boom Boom (this is his nickname btw) , and people mention it to me ALL THE TIME.
He has a lot of health issues, all of which are being managed. But he is and always will be overweight.

It gets a bit much when people seem to think they need to remind me, to be honest.

I don't understand why you haven't just had a conversation about this. Of course being a large breed, it will have affected the dogs joints and getting up and down with difficulty won't now just be from weight. So this could be a conversation starter about it.

The circumstances are that this particular dog is so fat it can barely move.

@JustCoralGoose why a dog walker?

Why do you say she has a disability?

I haven't suggested that she doesn't love or care for her dog.

It is ridiculous to say that someone doesn’t care that they are fat maybe they’ve got no choice but to accept it they are clearly disabled in some way and you are judgemental and know nothing and speaking about her behind her back like this is gross give her the number of a dog walker ?

Why does being overweight mean you have a disability? 🤷‍♀️. Plenty of people are overweight, and most are not disabled.

But why would she need a dog walker?
And why is she 'clearly disabled'?

Disability. What are you talking about.

Knowingly keeping a dog obese, when others have told you you are neglecting your dog is animal abuse. Unless she has seen a vet about the issue and there is an underlying cause but from you posts it appears not.

Not sure I would be wanting a relationship with someone who 1) abuses animals, 2) I felt I could not talk to straightforwardly and honestly about the situation.

Speak to her directly, don’t mess around trying to do it tactfully. Someone said to me recently “you cannot talk yourself out of a situation you behaved your way into”. Listen to what she says, and what it says about her. There are few excuses for animal abuse.

Are you young enough to be considering a family with this person? Or have dc already? That would also be a concern for me, she sounds too selfish to care for anyone/thing vulnerable to abuse, only her own needs. If it is a casual thing fair enough.

There could be something wrong with the dog. For years a family member’s dog has been horribly overweight. They have been having regular weigh ins, prescribed diet food etc but they continued to gain weight. I think the vet just assumed the dog was being overfed. Anyway, they were back in the vets recently for an unrelated issue and they took blood samples from the dog and discovered it has a severely under active thyroid. It is now on meds and losing weight rapidly!

Some people have pet weight blindness I think. My neighbour is lovely, but lectures me constantly about cat care (that I am not using the right kind of cat litter, etc etc).

My cat is perfectly sized, whereas hers are visibly obese - they are bottle shaped! I fully believe she adores these cats - I just don't think she sees it, somehow.

If she was my partner, I think it would depend on the relationship. If I saw us cohabiting one day, I would need to discuss it with her. If I was happy living separately I would probably leave it, as yes, it's not ideal for the pets but being loved and cared for is the main thing I suppose, and perhaps there are different schools of thought on the weight of older pets? (I realise I am trying to be generous here).

It is already past the average life expectancy for this breed so probably has some health issues that make it more sedentary. I would leave it.

It’s really difficult. I think a tactful comment might be in order but it’s tricky. I know someone who is overweight and who has a borderline collie that is overweight. I’d assumed that it was an old dog because of the way it waddles and is out of breath but it’s just 5! He told me that the vet had said that it’s overweight but blames his wife for over feeding both him and the dog. He’s shortening that dog’s life and it upsets me, but it seems that he doesn’t grasp how serious this situation is.

This is likely to be tricky to navigate. She knows her dog is overweight. Perhaps over-feeding them is a compulsive behaviour she gets comfort from. Her defences have been up when other people have mentioned it so it seems unlikely she is able to reflect on the role she is playing in keeping the dog overweight.

You clearly care about dogs so it seems unlikely to be me you will be able to keep your view completely to yourself. Perhaps when you do mention it, don’t mention it in anger or with judgment. Choose a time when you think she might be the most receptive to hearing it. Don’t be surprised if she is completely unwilling to hear it.

Over the hill for DC (un) fortunately!

But yes, I am going to say something. I do feel it is a blindness of some sort. Like she thinks It's normal while also seeing other dogs who don't look like this on a regular basis.
I hinted at it last night, we were on video call to one another while I was cooking, and my dog was being a dog, following me about and I said 'You're not getting anything! I don't want you becoming fat!' to my dog.

I am going to approach it properly however. Just figuring out how to do it. As for your point 2, she is likely to become defensive I think.

I have seen plenty of bottle shaped cats, I know exactly what you mean! It is bizarre, and as I mentioned in my PP, I honestly think my new GF has this 'blindness' that you speak of.

Abusers often choose to be blind to their abuse. Doesn’t make it ok.

Friends have told her, builders have said she is “killing that dog”. She doesn’t fulfil the dogs very basic exercise needs, chooses to ignore it instead of choosing take the dog to the vet to get a professional opinion.

She is an irresponsible dog owner who got bored of the commitment to care for a dog properly long term and instead replaces care with over feeding to perversely alleviate her guilt. Saying she is blind to it is to minimise her active choices. Poor thing would probably be better PTS at this stage before it endures more abuse and a potentially traumatic health event.

Go with her to a vets appointment. They will tell her in no uncertain terms what she needs to do.

She is killing this dog with kindness and food. Plus, it is getting very little exercise.

As she won't take any advice. This is a difficult one.

Feel really sorry for the poor dog. Bless 🙏

You're right it's cruel - abusive actually. If she loved the dog she would be looking after him properly. Rotties are active dogs - its horrendous that she doesn't take him for walks. The dog is not happy and is not being cared for. I could not be in a relationship with someone who abused animals

"she obviously loves him"! I'm sorry but she obviously doesn't. It seems to satisfy her own fancies (to give him treats) she's happy to knowingly cause misery, unhappiness, ill health and early death to the poor dog.
I'd definitely be saying something. Then reporting it to the RSPCA if she doesn't start treating him with love and concern.

You do absolutely need to confirm this. She knows but the more affirmation the better. Xx

I would try something along the lines of “Gosh, he doesn’t seem very comfortable / struggles to get up; perhaps the vet can suggest something that might help him, or could take a look at his legs. When is his next check up due?”

And offer to go with her to the vets.

I totally understand what you are saying however a lot of people overfeed their children (as an example) and I do not doubt that they love them. People are misguided at times. I was a fat child, my grandmother loved me to bits she just had no concept of a ten year old eating a full-size pizza every night not being the norm. I do think this sort of thing may be part of it.
My Gf had a deprived and abusive childhood, she herself is childless, hence the spoiling of her dog. @VenusClapTrap I do think that's a good idea and I am going to say something along those lines later on today.

When I first got to know her I noticed that he was walked, but not every day. I love walking but whenever I visited her she'd have her friend dog-sit and she'd tell me to take my dog, or sometimes I would go without my dog but she'd say we couldn't take her dog as where we were going wasn't dog-friendly (sometimes true, beach for example).
I walk my dog every day, more than once with little exception so it is very alien to me.

Nowadays I think he's just got used to it. This time when I visited she didn't walk him the whole time. With hindsight, I should have just said 'I am going to nip out for some fresh air, I'll take Fido with me'.
I am slightly nervous about someone assuming he's mine and saying something but I will do it next time.