Would you say something about this overweight dog?

[ziggadee]

I love dogs, have one myself. have recently began dating someone who I have known for about a decade. We always got on well but recently admitted we have feelings beyond friendship. It's overall going very well, albeit we are quite long-distance, around 2 hours car journey.

I have rarely seen her dog over the years. My dog is just a little younger than hers. Both large breeds. When I've visited her she's had her friend look after her dog at her house and I have taken my dog with me-I have fewer options for 'dog-sittery'.

Anyway I spent the weekend at her house a couple of weeks ago and since then I can't help feeling so sorry for her dog. He is so, so fat. He struggles to move freely, constantly pants, struggles to get up and down stairs and can't get in and out of a car. Some of this could be age, both our dogs are in their 11th year. But mine is so much more sprightly and isn't showing many signs of age at all. I know all breeds are different.

I just feel so so sorry for him.

In the past, she's mentioned that a workman was at her house and said 'you're killing that dog!' regarding his weight and she was very angry. Another time a friend of hers said something similar and she rang me to rant about it, saying she wants her dog (who is a rescue) to be spoilt and have a good life and it isn't anyone else's business.

Is there no point, given the dog's age now? In saying anything? In fairness, he seems happy and is very well-loved.

You already know how she will react. So how much do you want to stay with her?? She’d probably end the relationship.
Weirdly though I think this would bother me in terms of long term compatibility. I know a dog is not a child but why would happen if you end up together and have a joint pet?? Would you stand by and let her indulge it to the point of obesity? Tricky one.

I might address it to the actual dog , as in ‘ gosh Rover, we need to get some weight off you ‘.
Honestly, if she has been told and does nothing, that’s cruelty, and I would be angry with her.
I certainly would not be letting her feed my own dog.

I wouldn't be able to stop myself saying something! It's cruelty. I think how she responded when I did say something would also tell me a lot about her as a person and whether I wanted to stay with her.
She's shortening her dogs life and also making what time is left more miserable.

Does she take her dog to the vet? If so the vet will be telling her at every visit that her dog needs to lose weight. If he's ignoring this then she will ignore you and probably react as she has to others.

Depending on the breed an 11 year dog could perhaps have 4 or more happy active years. Hers is not going to have that if she carries on.

My own conscience on behalf of the dog would make me speak out. Also, I couldn't respect someone who did not have their best interests at heart which she really doesn't. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with them.

I'd also beware of a person who becomes 'very angry' and 'rants' when someone says something perfectly honest, reasonable and ultimately in the dog's interest to them.

Yes, she has been told. Probably not often as most people will turn a blind eye.

She also rarely takes the dog anywhere and he isn't interested so much in walks now, likely due to the weight.

Some breeds are more food-oriented aren't they? Mine is interested in food but has never been overweight, maybe I have just been lucky.
No, if we ever do move in together and have pets I will be certain to make it clear that allowing this is not acceptable. But this is not my dog, and she's evidently happy enough with her care. It is a tricky one.

I know what you mean.

And can't remember the last time she mentioned the dog having been to the vet to be honest. But, I guess that's fairly normal.

He's a Rottie.

I think she takes it as a personal insult due to the narrative that she loves him and indulges him.

In fairness she does buy good quality dog food and treats. I haven't been around them both together enough to learn what else he is being fed. He was so excited to see me when I got there and just wanted a fuss, lovely, lovely dog but he struggled to get up off the floor to greet me

I'd have to say something. Tactfully, but none the less. Yes she loves him & wants to indulge him, but she's killing him. If speaking to her gently about how to improve the situation makes her 'kick off' & 'rant' she's not the person I'd want to be in a relationship with.

Maybe because she rarely walks him or takes him anywhere she feels food is the only thing he's got.

I will have to say something. I will have a think about what. I was more thinking perhaps it isn't worth it as he's nearly 11.

"And can't remember the last time she mentioned the dog having been to the vet to be honest. But, I guess that's fairly normal."

It is not normal. Responsible owners take their pet to the vet regularly for check ups, boosters, flea and tick treatment etc. But then you have a dog so you know this don't you?

A dog that's obese, doesn't go to the vet, is rarely walked and can barely get up from the floor?

This is fucking terrible. She is being cruel.

Its like the fat children thing, people dare not mention it these days.

I don't need to take my dog into the vet for flea treatments, I just have them on a program where I can collect them. But I have taken her regularly and whenever something is wrong and/or treatment is needed. I agree, if her dog had been to a vet since becoming this overweight, any vet would be horrified I am sure.

I do find it cruel, I really do. It's just difficult because she obviously loves him.

I agree, it is. Dogs (like children) aren't in control of their healthcare decisions/diet. It isn't the poor dog's fault and he won't understand at all why he's always hot and uncomfortable and can't move freely.

I don't understand how he's managed to get this overweight. I don't over-indulge my dog but she's had days where she's stolen food or been given more treats than normal or been fed leftover meat at BBQs etc etc but she's fine. I even took her to the vet once as I was a bit worried she was overweight but they assured me she wasn't and she's still fit and loves to run and bounce about etc. The contrast makes me upset. I wonder if she somehow can't see it as she sees my dog a lot! And she must see other dogs and know that this isn't normal. But again, it is like children isn't it? People enter into denial.

This dog isn't just a bit overweight, he's enormous. I was so shocked when I saw him, it made me very sad.

You need to be honest with her. She's killing him with kindness and needs to stop. Poor dog.

It’s awful, I hate seeing obese dogs. My own dog is very slim, but totally healthy. So many people have commented that he’s skinny but they are so used to seeing fat pets that a healthy dog looks unusual to them!

It makes me think of James Herriot and Tricky Woo. A small dog who was hugely overindulged and suffered because of it. Perhaps you could find it on iplayer? I think I’d have to say something….

I got a gentle telling off from the vet in October about my darling boy (cocker spaniel) - he's stocky but was overweight at 20kg and she wanted him to be around 17kg to 18kg. So I started weighing his food and cutting back on the treats - and he's a different dog for it, I feel dreadful that I'd let his food portions creep up. With a heart condition and arthritis he didn't need to be carrying those 2kg extra.

I think you need to tell her that she's killing that dog.

I'd avoid going in with 'your dogs enormous and you're killing him with kindness' - that hasn't worked for others so it's probably not going to work for you.

Maybe start with 'does x have a condition that makes him put on weight?' she'll probably say 'no, he's just like that'. Then maybe 'I'd love to take him out for a walk with (your dog's name), I know he loves relaxing round the house but do you think we could get him a bit fitter so we can all go for walks together?' Make it sound like you just want to do something lovely all together rather than it just being about getting her dogs weight down.

I think you've got to go in gently and without being negative or judgy (as easy as that would be!).

I couldn't not say anything. It's the worst kind of cruelty keeping an animal that wants to run, jump, chase balls, and scratch its own back, in a body that can't let it do any of those things.

Its like keeping a bird in a cage so small it can't even flap its wings.

I told my then MIL that her cat was too fat according to the posters at the vet at that she shouldn’t be feeding on demand all day, and should measure the food, she was annoyed and didn’t take action, but I’m glad I spoke up for the poor cat 🤷🏽‍♀️

I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone with her attitude, she’s killing her dog, is she a bit stupid? she sounds it

Definitely not stupid. Very intelligent in fact. It's strange. She is quite a bit overweight herself however.

I am going to say something. Not sure how. She often brings up the fact that he can't do a lot of things but says it is because he's old and rottweilers don't live very long ordinarily. Which I know is true, I think 10 is a good age. But the weight just cannot be helpful for him. It honestly broke my heart whenever he'd want to come to me for a fuss and he couldn't get up. He's one of those properly gentle giant dogs, such a lovely temperament, never shown any malice at all. I don't know why that makes it worse for me, probably because I compare to my own dog who I love to bits but isn't great with other dogs, gets grumpy if she doesn't want something etc! Her dog is just so lovely.

@veggietabless thank you, that's good advice. I may also try to coax her into the subject in a gentle way. I am not sure what she's feeding him that's caused this but it must be a hell of a lot.

I was thinking I could also take him for walks whenever I go to visit. To be perfectly honest, I think I would be a bit embarrassed. But I could perhaps 'invent' someone who'd said something and that may be a way to start the conversation.

She openly doesn't care about her own weight. I am not shallow and she's always been big so it isn't an issue for me personally in that way, but I wonder if her dog being the extension of her is part of that.

I think you are being unreasonable. You don’t know their circumstances. I been harshly judged about my dog before for “not letting her walk”. She can’t really walk far without injuring herself and struggles to breathe. I still give her treats to give her some joy in life. people know nothing about it and I don’t like having to explain myself constantly.

If she is as overweight, as you say, then she clearly has some kind of disability and is not managing. As you say, the dog is old the most that you can do is suggest the number of a local dog walker IF you think she could afford it without struggling

Sorry, but to suggest that she doesn’t love her dog and is intelligent but doesn’t care about her dog is extremely rude you shouldn’t talk about someone behind their back like this.