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Husband lost his job. His fault but he had good intentions. We are both deeply upset. Please help.

296 replies

user1471433754 · 15/03/2026 10:21

My husband's boss phoned him a fortnight ago, and told him to stand down and to hand his laptop in to HQ the following day. My husband was so shocked, we didn't know what was happening. We were in a distressed state as he's contract and won't get paid either.
After over a week, of not sleeping, eating, desperately worried, we received a very aggressive lawyers letter from the company. It accused him of downloading documents to his private e mail to read. Husband did do this, they weren't sensitive but he did do it so he could read them at night, and deleted them right after. He honestly didn't realise he was doing wrong. He was doing his best to help his team and get the work done. He's always known for getting jobs done and been told he's a great asset.
Back story to this is, I've been very ill the last year. I nearly died, also lots of illness on my part, mental breakdown, 2 operations, serious illness. He was trying to look after me and do his job at the same time in the evening. He's now been dismissed. Looks like we are going to have to pay both sides legal fees, but he has no job, I can't work. We speak to a lawyer tmro.
He has been foolish, but he did it with the best of intentions to get the work done. We are early sixties and so distressed, I'm worried he will have a heart attack. He's cried non stop, he is horrified, ashamed, embarrassed. Please be kind x

OP posts:
BrickBiscuit · 15/03/2026 12:33

Wildgoat · 15/03/2026 12:29

No it was a lot of data and he’s has a conflict of interests, as such they will want to access his tech to see it’s been deleted and trace where it went. They are never going to take his word for it.

Might be an idea to quickly employ your own IT specialist to make sure of the untraceable deletion of anything concerning. The company will have forensic tracing ability which you and DH may not have the ability to preempt.

Wildgoat · 15/03/2026 12:34

SnowyRock · 15/03/2026 12:30

At your ages, does he financially need to be working?
Is there any way of you reframing this to him as a positive pushing slightly earlier retirement so that you have more quality time together? Especially given your recent health.
If need be he could find a part time lower paid job without the stress of that. Or can you downsize to make it affordable?

I could understand this level of stress if he was 40, but in early 60s try to put it behind you, you cant change it so let it play its course and minimise stressing

If he’s in any way used that data he is likely going fo face a civil suit, and it will be costly.

it makes no sense that he would send himself lots of data so he could do his job on his own laptop in bed, it makes more sense he sent it to himself to use it for his side job. And if he’s done this, he’s not going to get work in this field again and he will need deep pockets. My daughter is a lawyer and they will take all your assets if it comes to it to pay the bill.

Popstarrrrr · 15/03/2026 12:34

Haven't read the full thread only your replies OP but as a contractor, who appears not to be an employee, does your husband have indemnity insurance?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Wildgoat · 15/03/2026 12:35

Popstarrrrr · 15/03/2026 12:34

Haven't read the full thread only your replies OP but as a contractor, who appears not to be an employee, does your husband have indemnity insurance?

There is no indemnity insurance thay effectively covers you for stealing propriety data,

TorroFerney · 15/03/2026 12:38

Wildgoat · 15/03/2026 11:26

I think you’re really confused, your private medical data is something you own, it is not the same.

he has sent himself company documents to download. By their very nature likely to be proprietary. It’s not the same as emailing yourself your own info,

Agree, I worry for some people here with their bold assertions about what is and isn't a data breach!

Figgygal · 15/03/2026 12:38

I think the key things here you need to discuss with your lawyer is whether a fair process has been followed or not. Was he invited to an investigation meeting? A disciplinary meeting? Was he given the right to be accompanied by a trade union representative to the formal disciplinary meeting?
Was he given the right to appeal?
What policies exist around the transferring of documents outside of the server? Should he have been aware of them? What has the company done to communicate them?
Whether he did it or not is almost irrelevant if they haven't followed a fair process, in which case you could claim unfair dismissal.
Having worked in HR for 20 years on the face of it, this does sound like it could be a disproportionate reaction on their part. The burden is on them too follow their processes have they done that?

ItsNotMeItsMostDefinitelyYou · 15/03/2026 12:41

Wildgoat · 15/03/2026 12:35

There is no indemnity insurance thay effectively covers you for stealing propriety data,

This.

OP, there are a lot of people here who clearly know nothing about this, thinking they’d need to look at his sent emails 🙄 and thinking indemnity insurance can help. You need proper legal advice if the company are going to take this further. People here like to be involved and just make shit up, or they have a bit of knowledge and pretend they’re in the know more than they are, but they’re not going to be able to help you.

I would advise you to speak to the lawyer and take this post down.

AllTheChaos · 15/03/2026 12:42

TorroFerney · 15/03/2026 12:38

Agree, I worry for some people here with their bold assertions about what is and isn't a data breach!

Yep - I write the privacy training materials for my organisation and I am constantly amazed at what basic information people appear to lack knowledge of! Essentially I have to get someone in a totally unrelated part of the business to do a test read and tell me all the things they didn’t understand or need more detail on, as I consistently seem to overestimate the (very basic!) level of base knowledge people will have 🤦‍♀️

TorroFerney · 15/03/2026 12:42

clarrylove · 15/03/2026 11:53

He's a contractor, not an employee. It is not his job, dismissal doesn't apply etc, it's a service delivery contract. One with multiple contracts by the sounds of it. His contract has been terminated. They can do that for any reason, it's not the same as being an employee and doesn't give the same rights. It sounds as though he has stolen company data. As a contractor, he must have insurance though, so if they pursue legal action he should be covered that way. I don't buy the 'he didn't realise' line. Sorry. No contractor is that naive.

Edited

Completely agree, i employ contractors, they go when there's no work to do, well we have a weeks notice built into the contract, they are too expensive on north of £600 a day to have sitting around doing nothing. He's been pilfering IP for his sideline - even if it's just the format of a document to reuse he's on a sticky wicket.

Atatwalker · 15/03/2026 12:43

Figgygal · 15/03/2026 12:38

I think the key things here you need to discuss with your lawyer is whether a fair process has been followed or not. Was he invited to an investigation meeting? A disciplinary meeting? Was he given the right to be accompanied by a trade union representative to the formal disciplinary meeting?
Was he given the right to appeal?
What policies exist around the transferring of documents outside of the server? Should he have been aware of them? What has the company done to communicate them?
Whether he did it or not is almost irrelevant if they haven't followed a fair process, in which case you could claim unfair dismissal.
Having worked in HR for 20 years on the face of it, this does sound like it could be a disproportionate reaction on their part. The burden is on them too follow their processes have they done that?

He’s a contractor. Not an employee

BlackSwan · 15/03/2026 12:43

BrickBiscuit · 15/03/2026 12:33

Might be an idea to quickly employ your own IT specialist to make sure of the untraceable deletion of anything concerning. The company will have forensic tracing ability which you and DH may not have the ability to preempt.

destroy evidence??

ItsNotMeItsMostDefinitelyYou · 15/03/2026 12:45

BrickBiscuit · 15/03/2026 12:33

Might be an idea to quickly employ your own IT specialist to make sure of the untraceable deletion of anything concerning. The company will have forensic tracing ability which you and DH may not have the ability to preempt.

Fucking hell! I despair. OP, see a lawyer and delete this thread asap.

Jollyhockeystickss · 15/03/2026 12:47

user1471433754 · 15/03/2026 12:01

That sounds about right. I don't have the lawyers letter as it's been handed over. I don't know where the copy is as husband has gone back to bed. I told him to ask he has been up all night. Also I'm struggling to look at him as he has been so foolish. He has put us in jeopardy by his actions, even though I know they weren't intentional.

It was intentional he knew what he was doing,.you sound like you are saying hes had an affair but he didnt mean it and it wasnt intentional, he knew what he was doing he just got caught,

Wildgoat · 15/03/2026 12:58

Figgygal · 15/03/2026 12:38

I think the key things here you need to discuss with your lawyer is whether a fair process has been followed or not. Was he invited to an investigation meeting? A disciplinary meeting? Was he given the right to be accompanied by a trade union representative to the formal disciplinary meeting?
Was he given the right to appeal?
What policies exist around the transferring of documents outside of the server? Should he have been aware of them? What has the company done to communicate them?
Whether he did it or not is almost irrelevant if they haven't followed a fair process, in which case you could claim unfair dismissal.
Having worked in HR for 20 years on the face of it, this does sound like it could be a disproportionate reaction on their part. The burden is on them too follow their processes have they done that?

I think you have misunderstood, or not recognised the importance of him being a contractor, nor have you recognised they will know exactly what data he has transferred,

user1471433754 · 15/03/2026 13:01

Oh god, no not destroying any evidence of anything! My husband was trying to work around everything he had to do. If they want access to anything they can have it.

OP posts:
BrickBiscuit · 15/03/2026 13:02

BlackSwan · 15/03/2026 12:43

destroy evidence??

Well ... sort of ... yes. If he thinks he's deleted it, he hasn't. If he wants it deleted permanently, he needs someone knowledgeable.
[ETA: he can't erase that it has happened - their records will tell them that. This will simply achieve what he thought he'd done in deleting the material]

WTAFIsWrongWithPeople · 15/03/2026 13:02

Figgygal · 15/03/2026 12:38

I think the key things here you need to discuss with your lawyer is whether a fair process has been followed or not. Was he invited to an investigation meeting? A disciplinary meeting? Was he given the right to be accompanied by a trade union representative to the formal disciplinary meeting?
Was he given the right to appeal?
What policies exist around the transferring of documents outside of the server? Should he have been aware of them? What has the company done to communicate them?
Whether he did it or not is almost irrelevant if they haven't followed a fair process, in which case you could claim unfair dismissal.
Having worked in HR for 20 years on the face of it, this does sound like it could be a disproportionate reaction on their part. The burden is on them too follow their processes have they done that?

He’s not an employee.

user1471433754 · 15/03/2026 13:04

Jollyhockeystickss · 15/03/2026 12:47

It was intentional he knew what he was doing,.you sound like you are saying hes had an affair but he didnt mean it and it wasnt intentional, he knew what he was doing he just got caught,

No he doesn't think like that. He was trying to get all the work done. He was trying to help his team as much as he could. He's been stupid but not malicious at all. He's a very honest man. He's hiding nothing.

OP posts:
Looopa · 15/03/2026 13:05

user1471433754 · 15/03/2026 13:01

Oh god, no not destroying any evidence of anything! My husband was trying to work around everything he had to do. If they want access to anything they can have it.

My husband was trying to work around everything he had to do
I think you are being a bit naive buying the reasoning he has given to you, he wfh, why would he need to send emails to himself instead of just working off his work laptop to keep on top of work? You must know that makes zero sense

gmgnts · 15/03/2026 13:05

Unfortunately I think your husband's sobbing reaction to the letter indicates that he knows that he's been caught out not in a minor unintended transgression, but something much more serious, such as deliberately downloading data to use in his side-line business. He will immediately have understood how serious this is, and is fobbing you off with an unlikely story about preferring to use his own laptop rather than the work one. I hope for your sake that this can be sorted out quickly and easily by termination of the contract and him signing something to absolve himself. I really feel for you, after all your health problems. Flowers

Atatwalker · 15/03/2026 13:06

user1471433754 · 15/03/2026 13:04

No he doesn't think like that. He was trying to get all the work done. He was trying to help his team as much as he could. He's been stupid but not malicious at all. He's a very honest man. He's hiding nothing.

If he was honest he wouldn’t have sent the stuff to himself. There’s no way he didn’t know that wasn’t ok. Not in this day and age.

im guessing he wanted to use some of what he had generated for his “sideline” in some way. That’s not ok.

Optimist2020 · 15/03/2026 13:06

Many moons ago I worked in a children’s residential home. My former colleague emailed over blank templates from the company to her personal email address. My former colleague wanted to set up her own residential home company . My former colleague got found out and she was demoted & recieved a written warning.

i wonder if something like this happened @user1471433754

Tacohill · 15/03/2026 13:06

user1471433754 · 15/03/2026 13:04

No he doesn't think like that. He was trying to get all the work done. He was trying to help his team as much as he could. He's been stupid but not malicious at all. He's a very honest man. He's hiding nothing.

Was he not allowed to bring the work laptop home?

Blueskiesnotgrey · 15/03/2026 13:11

user1471433754 · 15/03/2026 13:04

No he doesn't think like that. He was trying to get all the work done. He was trying to help his team as much as he could. He's been stupid but not malicious at all. He's a very honest man. He's hiding nothing.

What is the sideline business all about?

Did he use the company documents for it?

Is he a self employed contractor with his own limited company or is he employed through an umbrella organisation?

What did the letter say?

Whay is in his contract about data security?

Why are you asking for advice but not answering questions?

You need to stop focusing on: how hard he works (lots of employees and contractors work hard), the long hours (ditto), how ill you have been (lots of employees and contractors have illness and also bereavment to deal with while trying to work), how noble his intentions were (quite possibly true but all they will care a out is actually actions) as none are relevant to this situation, and the employer doesn't care.

Beachtastic · 15/03/2026 13:12

OP I'm so sorry you're dealing with this situation.

I'm a contractor who has to be careful about data leaks for the companies I work with. I can't comment on your DH's situation but if his company has strict obligations to clients or regulators about data handling, then the way they are dealing with this is at this stage largely to cover their own arses.

There are probably mandatory investigations they must now pursue, which looks aggressive but is probably defensive rahter than personal to your DH.

Their first step was to terminate his contract, which was their quickest way to contain risk. A strongly worded legal letter was their way of signalling seriousness, protecting themselves, and creating a paper trail showing that they are doing the right things to address what they are contractually obliged to guarantee.

Unless there was clear malicious intent, they are less likely to pursue costs than seek assurance that the documents were deleted, not shared, and will not be used in his own business. It wouldn't be a criminal case unless he deliberately stole or sold data.

I know you're both traumatised, but take a deep breath. He doesn't need to grovel, just be straightforward about his mistake. Focus on transparency, cooperation and remorse, and be clear about providing the reassurances they need. Your lawyer will be able to help frame this for you as an honest mistake and clarify that he understands the policy breach, has deleted all materials, will not use or disclose anything, and is willing to cooperate fully.

The company is in "protect the business" mode, so in a way they're panicking as much as you are. Don't contact them directly, do everything through a lawyer - it will prevent misunderstandings and give the company the closure they need.

It's corporate risk management, not a judgement of his character. (Please try not to judge him either!)