Feeling guilty going to Florida without DS18

[Kickinthenostalgia]

I did a post a while ago about be able to go on a holiday of a lifetime to Florida and how DS18 had changed his mind and was umming and aahing about going. Well he finally decided End of January, pretty firm in his decision. [ We managed to get most of it completely refunded, thankfully] Although he did say to me the other day, I don’t mind as much when trump isn’t there. Which broke me a bit because no way would we be able to afford this again. Anyway he’s quite happy in his decision, he’s staying here with my mum, will be a holiday for him as she’ll get him what he wants. I’m still feeling guilty that we are experiencing it without him. It was something he wanted to do as a kid who loved rollercoasters. But his anxieties have let him down. He has autism and his mind works in different ways. We are going to discovery cove and although that’s more for me as it’s my birthday treat, he’s not too into animals, only sloths. I’m just feeling incredibly guilty we will be there without him. It’s nuts really because we very rarely do much together as a family of 4, except meals out, him and DP go off for theme park days. Me and dd go for shopping days, me and DP go for date nights or shopping trips. He didn’t come on holiday with us last year, and tbh it’s was bliss, because as much as I love him, more than anything he is hard work, everything has to be planned meticulously as to not cause a meltdown. I know me, DP and dd will have a fantastic time I just can’t get this feeling of guilt out of my head.
bless him though he was talking to me about it the other day, and casually through into conversation about the obligatory message to say we’ve arrived, made a joke about it. Anyone else ever had the same?

Yes, my Son doesn’t want to come away with me and my DD either and I feel horribly guilty but also know it would be hard work if he came as he wouldn’t enjoy it, he doesn’t want to come. But feel like I’m betraying him somehow. I have booked to take him on an extreme day trip without DD to make up for it but that’s more for me than him.

He wants to visit the titanic museum and titanic hotel in Belfast so I’ll probably arrange that. Just gotta save a bit first 🫠

Yeah these extreme day trips are never as cheap as you think! But I think I’m saving x amount on the main holiday so he can have a trip he will enjoy . Have a lovely time and don’t feel guilty , best to give our kids what they need rather than what we emotionally feel they should have x

@Kickinthenostalgia on the day you go to Discovery cove could you, funds permitting ofc, organise a sloth experience for your son, they're all over the UK?

I'm sure your Mum would be happy to take him

Well I completely agree with your son. I also wouldn’t be going anywhere near America right now and spending my money there. Kudos to him for thinking this way.

Good for you..
but trump isn’t the only reason he’s not going…. Tbh it’s not all that better here either.

Unfortunately no, she has back issues and hasn’t actually left our town since December. She’s good to cook etc and even if she can’t he can do some stuff himself. I may look into that for a later date tbh….hes not completely missing out, DP has put some money aside for them to do the vip fright nights at Alton and Thorpe park, he went last year and loved it.

The fact is that a Florida Disney holiday really isn’t the trip of a lifetime and he probably doesn’t think he’s missing much and to be fair I agree.

It’s a trip of a lifetime for many!

I’ve been once in 1998 when my DDs were little, been longing to go back ever since. It is, unfortunately, an impossible dream now.

We did the trip of a lifetime Florida thing a few years ago and while amazing it was also ott and stressful for all the kids and while brilliant definitely not close to our favourite holiday so I think it’s a good call. He’s fine with it and yes you will feel guilt especially when you see things you think he would have loved but it’s not his dream holiday or his holiday of a lifetime if you know what I mean!!! Definitely take him to the titanic experience when you can instead.

We viewed it as the trip of a lifetime and it was so good we went back again, and again and again. Just found cheaper ways to do it. Plus the OP is still going on this holiday with the rest of her family. Why say this? They can make up their own minds once they have done it. I had our first trip booked and my friend said if you like standing around in 30 degree heat for 2 hours for each ride, knock yourself out. Turns out they hadn't done any research, stayed off site and we had a completely different experience to them.

@Kickinthenostalgia I completely understand where you are coming from. It feels like he will miss out but to him this is all he can manage right now. Dh was actually ill for 2 days whilst we were out there once and it was just me and my two teen sons going on the rides and it did feel different. But we also enjoyed ourselves too because we were there, in that moment, doing what we love.

We had a brilliant time, we also did Discovery Cove twice. I have incredible video of my children swimming underwater with the stingrays (they were diving with snorkel masks on) do you know they even do prescription masks? Ds2 wears glasses and it meant he could see everything.

Agreed.
It is an unsafe and morally bankrupt regime and supporting the country with tourism is wrong.

Im also feeling guilty about going on a Caribbean holiday without my autistic DS18, so I know how you feel, OP. Not because of anxiety, but because he is more of a city break person and hates dun, sea, sand
He would be hard work and it would not be relaxing for me and DD at all. He would much rather go to NYC again, but too expensive for me atm. However, I did buy him a gadget that he wanted ....

My eldest decided at 19 she didn’t want to come on holiday with my now ex and her dsis, to USA. Stayed at home and saved us paying for kennels. I stocked the cupboards with her favourite food left her £100 for extras and she actually offered most of it back which i didn’t take. Little did she know that was the last family holiday as her dad left he a year later.

OP, your son is now a man, with his own mind, and over the next few years he will naturally pull away (whilst still wanting to know you’re safe, evidently!). This is a good thing - it means you have raised him well and effectively despite his challenges.

It’s fine to feel conflicted about this, and you will worry about him for ever, but it is OK to live your own life now, and be happy on your holiday.

Ignore the de-railers and detractors, this is not the time or the place. If you want tips on how to maximise your Florida experience you could start a thread in Holidays. I strongly recommend a day out to a natural wetland to see wild alligators (from a safe distance of course!).

doesn’t your dd like theme parks? Why doesn’t she go on the days out?

seems a bit mad to go to Florida without the kid who likes theme parks, and with the one who goes shopping over days out at theme parks. Or is it just a gender split where boy does dad’s activity, girl does mum’s. Does your dd not get days out with dad?

if you and your dd actually prefer shopping, wouldn’t a week in NYC or somewhere been better? And cheaper tbh.

i don’t understand why you would go on a holiday your ds would enjoy without him, to do activities 2/3 of you wouldn’t normally choose.

personally I don’t agree with the animal entertainment anyway and wouldn’t go to Disney for that.

No i completely understand it isn’t the only reason but for him to mention it at all, shows a lot about him. Without making this political, we don’t have much of a choice to spend our money here, we live here, but I honestly can’t understand anyone wanting to go to America.

It always amazes me how ‘moral’ people are when it comes deciding not to spend tens of thousands of pounds on a holiday.

Where did you move to when Borris was Prime Minister?

I remember your thread.

There was a lot more to it.

It seemed clear from the info in your thread that should he go your DS’ challenges and behaviours would spoil the expensive holiday for everyone.

You made one decision, for him to come, realised it had been a bad decision and have changed it: stick with that and make the best of it.

With all due respect, Boris being prime minister back in 2020, has absolutely nothing to do with what is happening right now, which is very real and it has nothing to do with “morals”, I’m sure the majority of people’s morals would align with being against grape and child se*ual trafficking!

But that is just my opinion, which I am free to voice on a public platform.

You are also free to say the words rape and sexual trafficking here.

lets not avoid saying what it is.

I wasn’t sure if we could write those words on here, that’s why I did, what I did. So thank you for the heads up.

I’m not sure what you mean by I made the decision. We asked him if he wanted to come, he was all excited at first so we booked it then things started to unravel. I didn’t once tell him he had to come. Not sure where you got that from because I certainly didn’t say that in the original thread. I basically said I was worried about his behaviours, his comments etc, and wasn’t sure if he wanted to still go but didn’t want to mention it until after his 18th birthday because I didn’t want to ruin his birthday if he thought we didn’t want him there. But it all worked out in the end anyway. He and my mum were talking about possible takeaways they may get (through Deliveroo using the money we are leaving them since he’s now not coming) also not every night 😂 it’s me with the problem… the guilt is starting to ease.

Yes dd likes theme parks, but theme parks have always been DP and DS thing ever since he was about 4. She goes on plenty of days out. We go to the ladies football quite often, make a day of it. She doesn’t miss out what so ever. I take DS places, dd goes to theatre with DP because frankly I find theatre a bore fest but he likes it. We were originally supposed to go together, booked it and DS changed his mind. I’m not cancelling the whole holiday just because he changed his mind and the rest of us want to go, She’s super excited.

To say it's not all that better here is offensive considering everything that has happened. Our leader isn't a rapist starting a war in the middle east to distract from the abhorrent crimes and corruption of his regime and our authorities aren't shooting people in the streets or disappearing them in camps. And that isn't that half of it. By all means have your holiday but come on.