Planning your own funeral (no thank you, AI)

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I am on an organisational jag at the moment, redoing my will, doing LPAs etc. (I'm in my 40s and in good health so hopefully none of this stuff will be needed for a while.)

I am thinking about whether to jot down some ideas for my funeral. I wondered whether other people had done this, or perhaps organised a funeral of someone who had done it? Did you find it helpful? I keep thinking of poor Kirstie Allsopp whose mother had very strong ideas about her funeral (basically, no money spent and no undertakers) and was pretty traumatised by the whole thing.

If you've made any plans yourself, what have you chosen? I love My Song is Love Unknown but fear it might be one of those hymns that only the vicar sings 😂 I've also always loved Robert Louis Stevenson's Requiem but I think that one only works if you have a long, full life.

Only read your first post so far but my mum planned her own funeral. She was quite religious (Christian) and chose the hymns and a reading and prayer. My brother and I chose the music. She also said where she wanted to be after she died. we found it really helpful.

I'm Jewish so the funeral is pretty straightforward and standard - there isn't any music and no coffins (just a basic wooden box and a shroud), so nothing really to plan unless I didn't want a Jewish funeral service.

I think it's really helpful to do as much as possible so that there is less to do for those left behind in a time when they are grieving and need to take it easy and be gentle on themselves. . Song choices, readings really helpful so don't have to be googling playlists.
Direct cremation are brilliant and very easy and sensitive or a funeral plan and tell them where it is and who it's with. I think it's a nightmare trying to organise it all with no guidance, very stressful 💐

I was listening to Classic FM in the car the other day and hear the theme tune from the film The Great Escape, and I thought ooh, I'd quite like my funeral to end with that playing as people are leaving.

The Bright Side of Life has been rather overdone, one feels.

I had to plan my dad’s funeral and it was made so much easier by knowing what he wanted.
I’ve told my husband, children and friends what I want; the music and the church. After that, I’ve said it’s totally up to my husband and children. I’ve learnt that it really is all for the living so whatever brings my family comfort.

I would suggest focusing on a couple of big things that are important to you, and let the rest be decided by the people who will be grieving for you.

My dad was a staunch atheist so didn't want any hint of religion. He expressed a preference to be cremated and to spend the minimum amount possible ( which was still close to 5k!)

My mum chose music that was important in her 50+ year marriage. Readings at the funeral were important to the individual who delivered them.

I really do think that it's important to respect the religious belief of the deceased, but that everything else should be decided to help those left behind to mourn.

What makes you think there'll be no expense? If you die in hospital and the family don't make funeral arrangements the hospital arranges cremation and charges your estate.

I’ve not planned my funeral per se… we are a dark humoured family so when we hear certain songs we always point out that they would be great funeral songs. We all have a list. The one thing I did ask was no one to wear black because it’s depressing as fuck. I don’t even wear black only for work because I have to. The rest of it, I don’t care because I’ll be dead.

My in-laws have a folder with all their logins and passwords for everything and told us the password so once they pass we can access everything. They’ve both explicitly also said the don’t want funerals which cost money.

My own parents are updating their wills and LPAs etc at the moment. I asked them also tk create a folder with passwords (if not for me, for my mum should my dad pass first).

As for me…I don’t want a miserable funeral. May only ask if everyone wear colourful clothes and attend the pub for some drinks so it can be a nice celebration. I’m torn between burial or cremation. Flip flop. I don’t want flowers as it’s a waste of money, plus I won’t see them. Apart from that I’m not too fussed as I won’t be there to see it anyway. I will ensure I leave money for it though so my son doesn’t haven’t to fork out.

Seems I was wrong, you can just walk away www.reassured.co.uk/life-insurance/do-i-have-to-pay-for-my-parents-funeral/#:~:text=Can%20you%20be%20forced%20to,or%20payment%20of%20the%20funeral.

DH and I have had individual lists of all accounts and where to find them for years, for when the inevitable happens and the other needs them.

We have also made wills.

We’ve talked about a few things for funeral etc but I haven’t written mine down (and DH cares far less about his).

We haven’t done LPA’s, but it’s been on my mind recently for a few reasons. And we haven’t discussed them with wider family.

Yes OP do this! My friend's parents died within a few months of each other and had very different funerals. This made me think about what my parents would want so I asked them to note things down. This was SO helpful and comforting when I was planning their funerals. For example both wanted a religious service despite not setting foot in a church for decades (both raised in religious households). Both (divorced) wanted ashes interred in their parents graves - i would never have known this had i not asked. They chose a few hymns as well. I then added songs and readings that were personal to me (only child). Genuinely this was one of the best things I've done!!

What I have done is chosen the location, speakers, readings, music, wake etc that I would want if I died tomorrow . I plan to update it every few years.Even if I forget to update it, some of it will still be relevant and it gives an idea of what I would like.
one reason to do this is that there is so much admin to do in early bereavement and this removes one big job , and reduces the chance of family falling out over it.
My aunt did it and we survivors were very grateful.