If you have young children, what time do you go to bed?

[PlumBear]

Asking because we have a 7, 5 and 2 year old and are utterly broken with exhaustion.
Having dropped her nap the 2 year is asleep by 7pm, thank God, but the older 2 can still be awake at 8.30pm / 9pm. Then up around 6.30am the next day.

by the time they’re all asleep and we’ve tidied up downstairs, all my husband and I want to do is sit in silence on our phones for a few hours and decompress. Family life is incredibly noisy and chaotic at the moment and have no family nearby to help.
so we usually end up going to bed around 11pm. I know this is too late, especially as the toddler is still up once or twice in the night and can wake as early as 5am but I also know we desperately need some time to ourselves at the end of the day. We are really struggling at the moment.

how do you balance it? And what time do you go to bed if you have children of a similar age?

TIA

5?

What time do they wake up?

Between 6 and 7am

That sounds like a lovely long evening! The 3-6 slog here is the hardest so nice to think by 4 it’s nearly over!

They get up at 6.30am for nursery so always knackered by then! They go 2 days a week. Decided to put them down then for the none nursery days, they went down okay. I take them to groups which i think helps. I love having my evenings to myself. 3 under 4 is hard work.

8pm kids in bed, not asleep but listening to Audio books. I try and do most of the chores while they are around and have at least an hour in front of the tv. Bed for me at 11pm. Kids up at 7am.

8YO and a 5YO here. 6-7pm bedtimes aren’t realistic for us because we both work full time so we don’t pick up from wrap around care until 6ish and then we have to do dinner, showers, clean up, pack bags and uniform out for the following day. Eldest also has some activities e.g. brownies that run until 7.30pm and if one of us is out then youngest has to come with to pick up.

We usually manage that they’re upstairs in their rooms for 8pm and after a story we leave them to it so have the evening to ourselves from then on. Youngest is asleep pretty much instantly and the eldest always by 9pm after some playing and pottering. We go to bed around 10-10.30 normally and everyone is up between 6.30 and 7. Everyone is well rested so works well for us!

Sure but the poster I responded to wasn’t commenting on the OP - she was referring to multiple other posters who presumably have kids of a range of ages.

And even if they were all identical ages, my second point still stands - some families are up before 6am and others after 8M so it’s pointless looking at bedtime in isolation.

Wow, I just couldn't sustain that little sleep for very long. My DS was a really poor sleeper, we only survived by taking turns to take some sleep. I ideally need 8, but can get by on 6, but only for a limited period.

I only have one 2 year old but I'm exactly the same as you and he doesn't even sleep through the night so I'm permanently sleep deprived. I feel like I have to choose between the essentials of getting by in life and having enough sleep. I work full time and I'm a single parent.

I felt similarly. Now the 4 year old goes to bed at 7pm. One of us sits with him for 15mins until he is calm enough and is dozy enough to leave. The 6 year old goes up at 7.30pm, she has half an hour of choice. For example she can read, do some drawing or go to bed early. Lights are out at 8pm. Whilst it's not a late bedtime for the eldest we wanted her to be in the habit of being able to wind herself down and learn her tiredness signals. So in the coming years when her bedtime shifts to 9pm/10pm she is doing her own thing and giving us couple alone time.

I am often asleep by 10pm

16 year old - whenever he wants usually around 4am if at all (autistic/insomniac)
8 year old & 2 year old.- 7pm but 2 year old needs to be sat with, hand held, sleep music and lullabies and will still wake up at least once in the night and we often end up on sofa from 4/5am trying to get more sleep before the 7am alarm and to try and minimise disruption for 8 year old as they have to share a room.

I go to sleep between 10/11pm

Mine are older now, but the thing is, even if you get them to go to bed earlier than they are now, that won’t last, by the end of primary they will be going much later and in all likelihood out after dinner for Cubs, football whatever and you do lose your evenings for a few years. Then all of a sudden they are older teens and going to bed later than you. Ours were probably staying up a bit later than average at around 6-8 years old but as a family we all adjusted much more easily to evening activities and later bedtimes for the DCs than friends who stuck to 7.30 or whatever till later into primary.

My 5 yo goes to sleep between 7.30 and 8 and is up at 6. I have to say i enjoy staying with her until she falls asleep, i don't think there's anything wrong with this. We do get most of the tidying done before she's asleep so i generally just go to bed straight after. I love an early morning and prefer to get up at 4am and enjoy the peace when i'm feeling at my best and no one else is up.

I am that parent that lies in bed reading stories to my DC and snuggle with them, often dozing whilst they drift off. Then I leave the room.
They're 8yo and 10yo.

Just a thought but is you and your husband sitting in silence on your phones really a way to decompress? Go to bed! I’m asleep by 9pm every night as I cannot just sit staring blankly at my phone it’s not relaxing at all. And boring and bad for mental wellbeing IMO. Do date night every Friday with hubby or something (no phones) and that sounds a better way to connect as a couple and get some sleep the rest of the week instead? Sleep is more valuable (to me) than sitting on my phone but I know I’m a rare breed 😂 x

I just have the one 2 year old, but the latest you’ll see me up is 10pm. He goes to bed around 8/8.30pm and wakes up between 6-6.30am. We tag team tidying in the evening so it’s usually just a quick fifteen minutes, watch one episode of something and then bed! Last night I was exhausted (pregnant) so went to bed at 9pm. At the weekends we both get a day to stay in bed a little longer (usually only 30 mins but it helps).

2 &4 year old. We don’t get home from work until 5:30/6pm - when do people eat dinner? For is the earliest is 6:30pm so not a chance they are in bed until 8pm. I can’t understand how anyone can get their kids to sleep at 6 or 7pm! As we walk son isn’t even back from swimming until 6:45pm - do people not do anything with their kids? Why is 11pm too late? Why not decompress and watch something on tv?

I do stuff with my kids during the day.

@TiredMummmaI finish work at 16;00, plenty of time to do something with the kids before tea bath and bed at 19:30.

Between 11 and 12, I don’t need much sleep so I’m very rarely tired. I get up at 6, most of the time both DD’s are still asleep and if they wake up before 7 I put them in bed with DH and they go back to sleep.

1yo goes up at 7, we're having lots of shenanigans at the mo, but on a good day DH is back down by 7.30 and cracks on with dinner.

3yo up about 7.20 and depending on books and chit chat is usually asleep by 7.50. I go back down and have dinner.

Walk the dog after dinner, DH tidies kitchen, I might do some laundry. Living room is literally never tidied in the evening. Doomscroll for a bit. Up to bed around 9.30 and rarely awake past 10pm these days.

Would love to get to a point with both of them where bedtime is stories, a song, a kiss and we leave the room, but at the mo both want us there while they fall asleep so it's minimum 30 mins on each bedtime, often longer.

Totally agree … need to get bedtime routine sorted out properly!

That's an interesting point. We get home at around 5pm. We both live just a few miles from work. So by 7pm the littlest is ready for bed. I guess a few parents might WFH also which means they can be with the children much earlier too.

Top of the list of ‘Things that never happened’ is this 🤥

This poster constantly posts rubbish.

In another recent post they slept 12 hours and a 3 hour nap. Now they’re sleeping from 5pm to 7am?

She also stays at home with them while simultaneously using nursery and a childminder. It’s all quiet …. Hmm.