Is anyone else’s DH like this?

[confusedlots]

DH arranged to go and see his mum today with the kids. He mentioned this to me last weekend and I said that I had a big deadline in work and I might give it a miss, in fact I would really appreciate him and the kids being out of the house for a good part of the day as I woud
get a lot more done.

He’s been huffing and puffing about it all week. How I’m ruining a family day out. We should all be going etc. I wouldn’t have minded going for lunch for an hour or two but visiting his mum is a whole day affair and we are there before lunch time and not home until the kid’s bedtime. I do get on with his mum, but on this occasion I really don’t fancy sitting making small talk for 6 hours while I know I have loads to do at home.

To me it’s not a big deal. We visit her quite often and I rarely miss a visit. It’s not a special occasion, just lunch and seeing the grandkids, and she’ll probably enjoy just having time with them herself without me there.

I had been looking forward to getting them all out of the house later this morning and settling down to get on with my work so I could feel on top of things for the week ahead. And maybe get some washing done and get tidied up a bit around the house before they all arrive home again. But now he’s just piling on the guilt, how selfish I am etc, and I really don’t see it like that. I never get time to myself, and this isn’t even time to do nice things, it’s time to get caught up with work and a bit of housework! Why can’t he see that and actually encourage me to take a bit of time to myself and reassure me that they can all have a day without me!

I quite often take the kids to see my parents and leave him at home to get on with whatever DIY project he’s working on and it would never occur to me to have a go at him for being selfish that he doesn’t want to come and spend the whole day with my parents!

Is anyone else’s DH like this?

No. And he has to take the kids out for 3 hours at some point today so I can work. Because I HAVE to do the work and by tonight I'll be too tired. So whether he likes it or not (and I know he would prefer it if I were there) he just has to get on with it and he's ok.
So you are not being selfish and he needs to man up.

Mine used to be a bit like this when the kids were small (all adults now)
I told him I needed to get stuff done for the coming week so they all needed to go otherwise if I was required to attend it would be for maximum 1 hour and then I’d come home so I could get stuff done.

Only once did he agree to me coming for the ‘1 hour deal’ and when I stood up to go after the hour his face was a picture. He didn’t think I’d follow it through!
Needless to say he never tried that again.

He could and can see his parents as often as he wanted, either on his own or with the kids, but I tried to maintain a strict ‘once a month’ visit for my own sanity and I try to continue this even today which works fine for the wider relationship.

No, my DH would probably suggest it himself. Very unfair that he’s not pressured to see your parents but he’s throwing a strop about you not seeing his.

Let him huff and puff

You need to work it happens you told him this it’s not a big deal he’s ruining it but blaming you - yawn eh so predictable

I’d just ignore him.

Say your last paragraph 'I quite often...' to him directly. That nails it.

My DH has often taken the DC out for the day when I've had to get work done. Time for yours to step up and stop complaining.

The real issue here is that he just doesn’t want to actually solo parent for the day and wants you there to look after the kids.

most reasonable partners would be supportive when a work deadline is due for their partner.

Does he get to relax at his mum’s while you look after the children and keep conversation going?

He doesn’t want to have to parent his own children and have sole responsibility for them. Simple.

Don't let his huffing and puffing make you give in. Stick to your guns otherwise he'll use this tactic every time he wants his own way.

My husband would happily spend a day with the kids and his mum without me. And I’d do the same with my mum. What you’re doing is completely sensible. As others have said, does he not like sole parenting? In which case it sounds like he needs more practice. Perhaps he and the kids should stay away the whole weekend next time you have a lot of work on.

Have you said to him that you often take the kids to your parents and leave him home to get on with jobs? What does he reply?

No, my DP is. Or like this. Nor was my exH when our kids were small. HTH

Exactly this. Just say that to him

I also note he's not exactly jumping in to do all the housework to ease your load to possibly make it possible for you to go.

Why do so many men not like being on their own with their own children? No wonder mothers and women are the ones doing all the parenting. In this case ignore him , he's going and that's the end of conversation. If he says your selfish just answer No I am not . The irony that you take your kids to your parents to let him do jobs is hilarious. Point that out to him .

No. We both sometimes need to catch up with work at times so will do things like this. A grandparent visit is a good option too so no idea why your DH is making a fuss.

Tell him not to be a hypocrite.

List the last few times you’ve left him at home when you’ve taken the kids to see your parents and ask him why it wasn’t a case of him ruining a family day when that happened?

But mostly, DO NOT FEEL GUILTY, it’s not like you’re swanning off on a spa day while he’s down the mines; you’re working and doing housework while he’s visiting his mum FFS 🙄

No my DH isn’t like this. Yours sounds like a selfish idiot

As he sees no problem with not always visiting your parents, I’d hazard a guess that he doesn’t fancy solo parenting and having to be the one to keep the conversation going with his mum.
How dare you needing to work! I’d tell him to grow up.

My dh goes abroad with ds2 to see his parents. He doesn’t expect me to go so I have a lovely couple of days to myself. In fact he doesn’t “demand” anything of me.

Id be so annoyed about that too. Especially as you say be arranged this day. Doesn’t sound like he consulted you at all, just went ahead and arranged it and then is annoyed that it doesn’t work for you. Remind him of all the times you’ve taken the kids out and he’s been able to get in with stuff at home, and stand your ground.

I do hope he’s gone and you’re enjoying the peace @confusedlots… I do think you need to address his attitude and get him to get out with the kids on his own more often. Does he generally avoid taking them places by himself? I’d go insane if I didn’t get a decent chunk of regular alone time in the house. He doesn’t sound very supportive at all.

He's a selfish cretin.
Glad I don't have children/idiot husband.
It's all overrated.
As a PP said, hope you ignored his huffing.

He’s got some nerve calling YOU selfish!

I really don’t understand what the issue is here (from his side). I think he just needs to shut the fuck up really. It’s not as if he’s going to be worked to the bone solo parenting all day.

All he has to do is turn up, let your mum see the kids, sit his arse on the sofa and eat the food she’s prepared! He’s being utterly ridiculous.

My ex was a bit of a tit but he was not like this. Does he not want to parent without you there?

What did he say when you pointed out that he's left alone when you go to your parents?