How unusual is it to not remember anything from your primary years

[Seaberries]

My dh doesn’t seem to remember a single thing, no faces no places, nothing. I find this really strange. He did move houses a lot and went to two primary schools but so did we with our dc so now and they remember everything. He acts like he never went and says he just can’t remember anything at all. His mum will tell him stories about people he was friends with and he doesn’t remember anything.

I find aphantasia fascinating - I have the opposite (which is not always a good thing). My memories go back to remembering isolated incidents from when I was 18 months old, my last partner had aphantasia (and ASD) and had no memories of his entire time at school, although he could remember the numberplate of every car he'd ever owned. My partner before that didn't have aphantasia but had no memories at all prior to being about 11.

The human brain is a weird and wonderful thing.

I remember quite a lot about primary school, even nursery school. The buildings, playgrounds, clothes we wore, the desks, the school dinners (very good), books, Christmas decorations, some people's hairstyles.

But I cannot remember any faces. Though to be fair, I can't remember the faces of people I was talking to yesterday, or people I meet every week. I remember the general shape and 'jizz' of people, but faces? nah.

I had a major trauma when I was 11. My memories before that are not incomplete, but they are much worse than my partners. I have aphantasia and sometimes wonder if they're connected.

I have very few childhood memories. In saying that I can remember who I was best friends with and the odd memory, but I'm talking less than 10 specific memories from a span of 10 years. It's quite sad, but my short- medium term memory is incredibly good. I have no idea why I can't remember being a child. I did have trauma but that didn't start until about 10 years old.

Also, I think everyone assumed a lack of childhood memory is due to trauma, but maybe it's simply our brains hadn't developed enough then to store memories. In other words no one really knows. Therapists will always jump to a 'traumatic past' to dig up but that's not always the case, and often we remember our trauma as it is so significant, it's the other random stuff we don't!

The thing about trauma repressing memories is interesting. My husband had no trauma and had parents who liked each other, he has very little if any memory of early years. I had a very dysfunctional family and can remember upsetting events which would have happened in my junior school year so coming home to my mum having a black eye, my dad hitting a random child in the street as the child was screaming, my maternal grandma with dementia attacking my mum and me having to run for the neighbour . Me being in hospital aged two. My husband thinks he can’t remember anything as it was so calm and uneventful his childhood.

I remember a few things vividly from my first few years at school - in particular in the first few days a girl sitting on the floor crying because she’d wet herself - soon after we’d been told that we didn’t need to ask to go to the loo - we could just go. And even then I’m afraid I thought how pathetic she was.

And a bit later, the teacher telling us where to put an apostrophe. Did anyone know?

Miss Know-it-all put her hand up straightaway. ‘We were playing with the boys’ - (meaning one before the S.)

Teacher: ‘NO!! That’s exactly where we DON’T put it!’
(If only it was taught as memorably in schools now….)

I believe that the trauma which causes memories to not stick is more the day to day anxiety, wariness, fear rather than specific incidents. It is developmental trauma rather than anything that happened that you can remember.

I had no traumatic incidents as such but a mother who was mega controlling and who expected me to emotionally parent her. I wasn't allowed to have emotions as she couldn't handle them. I was on my own as it were. And I was constantly on alert to her moods. She would sulk for days for no obvious reason. I was terribly "good" as a child, top of the class, never ill. I repressed everything - including memories.

I have this and was going to ask the same. Crap childhood but not severe trauma. I heard about this a few yrs ago and it makes complete sense. I have v little visual memory, even picturing DCs face who I saw this morning is difficult. No sense of direction for the same reason. One DC is the same as me - no early trauma, the other is the opposite like DH who can remember insane details.
https://aphantasia.com/what-is-aphantasia

Also I think in emotions/ feelings, including when dreaming. I know something is happening as I have ‘felt’ it but couldn’t describe in words as I can’t ‘see’

I was wondering if that could be the reason. I think when people can visualise pictures in their head, they assume everyone can. And vice versa.

I think the amount of memory I have about the past is probably pretty normal. Quite a few from Junior school, fewer from infants, and I thought none from before that but I’ve just realised I have a couple of memories from around the time my brother was born when I was 2.

My short term memory is getting very slow though. Can take a while for words to come to mind and I struggle to remember old colleagues unless they were those I was particularly friendly with. I’m 60 so maybe normal, maybe not.

None from primary school and only a handful from secondary. I moved away for uni and never returned, and my parents moved away shortly after, so there was no opportunity to reinforce memories as I had no connection to the place or people.

I remember almost everything from being a baby!
Unfortunately I also remember every stupid thing I've ever said or done.. and there's lots of them..