How unusual is it to not remember anything from your primary years

[Seaberries]

My dh doesn’t seem to remember a single thing, no faces no places, nothing. I find this really strange. He did move houses a lot and went to two primary schools but so did we with our dc so now and they remember everything. He acts like he never went and says he just can’t remember anything at all. His mum will tell him stories about people he was friends with and he doesn’t remember anything.

This is a very interesting discussion

I’m the opposite, have so many vivid memories of primary school…the names/surnames of friends, teachers names, exactly how I felt in certain situations
eg in assembly when being made to read out loud in front of the school & I was terrified and shaking like a leaf, another time when I was around 6 & sent out of assembly with 2 others who were talking but I was sat next to them & had said nothing but was guilty by association- I still remember the burning feeling of injustice!

Traumatic memories are still there loud & clear, my parents arguing very loudly when me & my siblings were in bed or sometimes massive rows in broad daylight when I still remember the feeling of wanting to shout at them to stop but didn’t & just kept silent…even today any shouting/conflict brings back those same feelings

Also I remember very clear pre school memories, playing outside the home we lived in until I was around 3/4 yrs old

Apologies for the essay but your post has just made me revisit lots of old memories and made me realise that I have so many vivid childhood/primary school memories!

I can remember a few events but couldn't definitely say when they happened, likewise I often can't put names to faces or vice versa,. rather more concerning, I sometimes have to think what I had for dinner yesterday or can go upstairs and come back with something totally different to what i went to get. Memory is definitely fallible, sometimes you remember what you want to be true rather than what actually happened. Is that a reason for keeping a diary or a reason not to? Iain Sinclair, in "Edge of the Orizon" summed it up perfectly. "We remember what we care to remember, and forge our own autobiographies. ... Through error perhaps we arrive at a richer truth - in the telling is the tale."

Does he remember later memories like holidays?

I don't but I have Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory (SDAM) and never retain memories. Took me years to realise this is odd.

I went to 7 different primary schools before I went to boarding school aged 11. I have some memories of each of the schools and a handful of the people. I have much clearer memories of time spent with my mum, grandparents and cousins in my early years - maybe it was more precious? And all the moving and having to change schools and friends made that more transient? I thought it was normal to keep moving house (military child) and just put up with it. It was only later that I realised what a bonkers thing it was.

I remember pretty well everything from the age of about 5. I remember quite a bit from age 4, including preschool. I remember a few things from age 3.

I think it's unusual to remember nothing at all from primary school. I think most people would be able to name at least one teacher from primary school and remember at least one fellow pupil. I think most people would have at least a few memories of things that happened at primary school. I am in my fifties. There must be lots I've forgotten about my primary school days, but there are still lots of things I can remember.

I have a great memory from a young age but DH hardly remembers anything from before the age of 11. I suspect he has blocked it out due to a possible complicated relationship with a parent from about 13 onwards.

I saw something that said if you grow up in a house with stress the child’s brain focuses on getting through this rather than using energy for storing memories. I grew up in a household with an alcoholic parent and another parent trying to navigate this (plenty of arguments) and I don’t remember much from under 10 other than moments that deeply affected me emotionally. I don’t remember any day-to-day things, like what mealtimes were like, or bedtime routines, or what I felt about primary school. I don’t remember fun times really, even though there must have been some. But I wouldn’t describe my childhood as traumatic.

Im like this.
Few memories before age 10.
a few more between 10-15 ish.

tbh I don’t remember that much of any period. Not good with people or faces

I thought I went to a different primary school than I actually did so yeah.. I remember nothing. No teachers, friends etc

My son is only 15 and barely remembers anything from junior school let alone infant school or nursery. No trauma and was a pretty happy child. My daughters remember all sorts of stuff from when they were little and are constantly amazed how little he remembers. We went to America (biggest ever family holiday) when he was 8 and he barely remember anything. Maybe some people just don't store early memories in the same way as others.

@chequeredcushion that makes a lot of sense! I grew up with one alcoholic parent too, although it wasn’t an obvious issue til I was in my teens, but there were obviously problems between them building up to that, even if I didn’t see it there would have been tensions. My mum also wasn’t particularly maternal so perhaps my brain focussed only on surviving the stress rather than storing memories.

I don’t think I remember primary school. Secondary is quite a blur. I have a poor memory generally and find it incredibly frustrating and very embarrassing. I sometimes think I remember something but actually I remember either a photo or someone re-telling the story.

My mum died when I was early 30s and I’m early 40s now, I don’t really remember that much about her if I’m honest. Again, it’s mainly photos and stories I remember. I know she was a great mum and I loved her very much.

I’m pretty good at hiding it in everyday life. I’m dyslexic and I remember at the screening test having to read a few pages and thinking great, read that fine, but I couldn’t answer a single detail question about it. So I wonder if it’s all linked.

I hardly remember anything no particular trauma but appreciate it may be unusual. DH is the opposite of me he remembers everything that ever happens to him!

I remember very little. Lots of traumatic bullying which I can’t remember the details of just know it was awful.
Also emotionally distant parents so no emotional literacy to cope with the bullying.
Also I have read adhd impairs memory and I’m suspecting that in myself at the moment .
It is strange.

I have a good memory of early childhood, sitting on potty, laying in cot listening to Coronation Street title music from early 1960s, names of infant school teachers and pupils and many more early memories even though I had a traumatic childhood. My husband has 2 memories of his life before age 11. He also has a poor sense of direction, always drives down wrong turnings where we have lived for 20 years and never remembers conversations we've had accurately. He never had a traumatic childhood although his family never were that close.

Snap!

My husband’s mother died when he was 19 and he’s now 54. He says he can’t really remember her. We got together when he was 26 and I know he could remember her then. He would talk about his mother sometimes - when I asked him about her. Nowadays he can’t remember the things he told me, or the conversations that we had, whereas I have a very clear memory of them. I even occasionally end up telling him things about his mother - who I never even met!

I hardly remember anything from primary and I dont even remember much from high school. I hardly remember any kids apart from my close friends and only three teachers names. I do know I had loving, interested parents and no trauma.

It makes me sad if I think about it. I wish I had lots of memories of growing up.

I am one of those people that can't see anything in their head though. I can't close my eyes and imagine a tree or a beach or even my children's faces. I know what they look like but I cant see them. All I see is static. I am absolutely, embarrassingly dreadful at mental maths as well. I don't know if its all linked? I assume it is.

Emotional neglect can cause trauma, which as pps have said can lead to trauma and inability to remember—abuse can take the form of absence as well as active harm.

Unusual but not uncommon.

I'm the opposite and can remember a lot including being in the buggy and wearing a nappy. Sometimes I wish I could let go of some memories as I get stuck in the past a bit remembering how things used to be and who used to be there etc. I'm someone who is quite anxious and introspective so maybe this has something to do with me observing and retaining things. Weirdly, I can't remember any family Christmases and I have no memory of my brother ever wearing a school uniform despite knowing that he did. Its interesting how our memory works.

I remembered very very little from under the age of 12 until a few years ago when I had hypnotherapy to help deal with childhood trauma. The hypnosis didn’t directly work (subconscious too defensive) but parts of memory have started to come back - triggered by smells, sounds or just emerge. Its a very strange thing to start remembering things that have been hidden for 50 years or so.

I can’t remember the house I lived in in primary or before, I have a handful of memories pre 13. I’m 40 now. Memory is still terrible. Can’t remember the story of a book Ive read within the last year. Have to pretend my memory is better than it is as have a fairly serious job. Had a traumatic childhood and permanently unstable family life. Astonished when someone even knows what their first memory is.

I think it depends on whether you think about it or not.

I have few memories of my primary school - just the odd one - but I have a very 'quiet' mind and have rarely thought of the place in 30 years. Maybe those who have a much more active mind think about the past, their memories etc more, which reinforces it.

I'm astounded at the poster above who can remember the birthdays of all her classmates! I struggle to remember my own partners birthday..

Have you ever heard of aphantasia? It's when you have no, or very poor, visual images in your "mind's eye" which can severely impact on memory of past events. It's more common than you think, and could be a reason for your husband's lack of memories.