How unusual is it to not remember anything from your primary years

[Seaberries]

My dh doesn’t seem to remember a single thing, no faces no places, nothing. I find this really strange. He did move houses a lot and went to two primary schools but so did we with our dc so now and they remember everything. He acts like he never went and says he just can’t remember anything at all. His mum will tell him stories about people he was friends with and he doesn’t remember anything.

This thread is quite reassuring because my memory is terrible. I can remember odd snippets from Primary and Secondary school but I couldnt name teachers and could only name one or two friends from Secondary. In fact I can't remember much through to my mid-twenties either. Sometimes my brother talks about things that happened and it's a surprise.

My childhood was unhappy but not traumatic and that unhappiness stayed with me for a very long time, but I am not sure it's all down to that. I am a senior manager in a job that requires a lot of technical knowledge and I have a fantastic memory for that but I could listen to a podcast this morning and not be able to describe the content in detail by tomorrow. My knowledge of current affairs is terrible because I just can't retain the information.

At 54 my day to day memory is definitely getting worse, goodness knows what I will be like in 20 years time.

My sister didn’t remember anything from being young it turned out she had a heap of trauma that she didn’t remember either and she was diagnosed eventually with DID by a psychiatrist.

I went to the same school that my DD went to, so obviously know the building.

Actual memories of anything apart from listening to War of the World's in yr6 - none

I have the opposite, in that I remember quite a lot about primary school, and those years, but almost nothing for secondary. It's really weird, like the high school was just somewhere that I dropped in on once or twice. So odd, that something so much more recent has not been stored in my memory at all.

It’s weird to me bc I can remember age 3 onwards. But some people can’t - different brains

I have nothing like the life memories that my brother does - he remembers events from our childhood in precise detail and I don’t even remember the overall event! Our parents divorced when we were small so I guess that’s our trauma, but he was older than me so I’d say it was harder for him.

I have flashes of memory, can tell you some kids’ names etc but not minute detail.

My memories as an adult aren’t much different - if I read a book then by the time I get to the end I’d struggle to tell you what happened at the beginning! I can read the same book many times without recalling the ending. I recently read a book that I thought I hadn’t read before - as I approached the end I realised I had!

Most of my life is blurry with occasional clearer memories.

The weird thing is, for my job (lawyer) I can remember all sorts of obscure facts and principles from my 25+ year career, which have little use even most days in my job but certainly not in my day to day life.

My instinct with a lot of men is they feign memory loss because they can’t be bothered to talk. If his mother is wanging on about some friend that is a very distant memory and the potential for lots and lots of boring future conversations can be eviscerated by playing dumb, I’d probably do it too.

I have terrible retentive memory. I have a few things I can recall from childhood and teen years, but not much. Even my adult life things are vague. I watched some old videos recently of when my DC were toddlers and it was like watching someone else as I couldn't remember stuff. It's frustrating because my DM is 89 and recalls so much from her own childhood and younger years. She has almost instant recall of names and places, even from when she was evacuated during the war. I envy her memory.

I get this vibe from my DH too. Neither of us are in touch with anyone from our school days and we simply aren't interested in them. My parents aren't either but I can remember MIL trying to talk about classmates whose parents she still vaguely knows and DH completely switching off. He seems to remember things like holidays ok and will talk about them.

Dh remembers very little from primary school age. No trauma or suppressed memories.
I remember back to about 20 months old.

Dd1 is similar to him. Even now, she's in her 20s, she has not that many memories.

Dd2 is like me and remembers loads.

However one thing I talked about with dd1 is that a lot of my memories I can date. For example when I was 3, I moved house (and never moved again until an adult), was in hospital (next time was giving birth to her), and my only younger siblings was born. I also went to my Uncle's 21st birthday, and had measles which meant my sister's birthday party was postponed. All of which can be dated exactly and I have strong memories of.
When she was talking about her memories she had a lot that could be any time from preschool to end of primary. (Eg playing cricket on the beach)She assumed they were later but some for various reasons we managed to date earlier than she thought, although they don't have the depth of memory that dd2 has.

Me and dd2 are much more imaginative than dd1 or dh, which I sometimes wonder if that helps because we'll slide away into our memories and think about them.
As far as dh and dd1 are concerned once it's done, that's it.

Edited to add that dh and dd1 are incredibly clever and remember things for exams easily, so it's not to do with intelligence

So interesting to hear different accounts. I don’t think he’s faking it because he can recall secondary school incidents and has spoken about them so why not for primary school. Not sure about trauma, his mum is bloody awful so maybe emotional trauma exists but he doesn’t seem to think so. He has a decent enough memory, I met him in our early 20’s so he was young enough to remember stuff back then but has remained adamant he can’t remember anything at all.

It’s a funny one isn’t it? I think we’re just all different to be honest. I remember very little, just sort of snippets here and there, but then, I had a very traumatic childhood, sort of the whole time, just lurching from one trauma to another 😅 so maybe that makes sense.

It's a sign of trauma. Best not to force the issue. FYI... not all violence is physical. Hope he is ok.

I have this, and never thought that it might be linked to my lack of memories! It makes sense that it would be related.

That’s so odd! I can pretty much remember the registers! I can name people on old school photos, remember the classroom layout, teachers’ names etc.

I don't remember that much. I remember some of primary school. Reception class layout. All the school buildings, playing in the playground and games we played. Don't have any photos but could probably name people if shown pictures. Remember a lot about playing with friends outside. Remember most of secondary. Can picture and name class mates and friends I had. The things I can't really remember that much about are Christmases, birthdays and holidays when very young. Don't have any photos to jog the memory which I think can help. I remember presents I had but not much about the whole days.

My husband is also like this .He remembers so little from his childhood and I honestly think it upsets him.When we met 30 something years ago I used to tell him stories about my childhood and growing up . He used to love my anecdotes and still does .I did have a very interesting and absolutely perfect childhood growing up in Africa .I have very vivid memories and remember so many names of people and places and of everything that happened along the way .My first memories are from about three years old .We moved house a lot so the memories are compartmentalised with every house /school so I wonder if I am better able to sort it all .Another thing that I often think makes a difference is that I am very observant whereas he is not so and he is so much more impulsive where as I am more reserved and ponder so much more.

Trauma aside, I think it's pretty unusual not to remember anything. Especially as he was good friends with some of those kids. I mean, you'd remember their first names if not their surnames and snapshots of playing with them.

have you read the amazing book ‘the body keeps the score’? Lots of people who have childhood trauma don’t remember it as an adult . The brain blocks it out to protect itself. I’m not saying your DH suffered trauma, but not remembering trauma doesn’t mean it didn’t happen

I remember quite a few things, more individual memories than everything, but still quite a lot. It was 55-60 years ago!

I can remember some of my primary school friends birthdays and quite a few names. Names of my old teachers too. I quite liked primary school. This was forty years ago.

I can't remember much of my childhood, photos help, but my childhood was a bit traumatic , my mum and dad loved us children 4 of us I'm the youngest, but dad had a drink problem , and would often have fights with my mum, sadly that's what I remember, like being between them when dad had a poker in his hand and me in the middle him threatening to hit my mum, he didn't but it was so scary. Thats only one time there are many more.

My brother is late 70s and claims to have no memories of childhood.

I have a few memories from prior to 17, what I do have is like a handful of photographs. I have a few proper memories with my brother. Interestingly he and I experienced mostly the same traumas, but he remembers it all.

I can remember just a handful of things from my childhood and not much from my 20s. No trauma but just not a happy childhood.
I have a terrible sense of direction and my memory's still bad and getting worse.
Having photos of later events is so helpful in reconstructing the past. I wish I had consistently kept a diary......