Battles over second foreign language

[NoNoNoToEspanol]

Sorry, just a rant. DS in Year 7 needs to pick a second foreign language to start studying next year by Friday and the war between him and DH over it is driving me up the wall. (He's already studying German and is enjoying it.)

He gets to choose from Spanish, French, Italian, Russian, Chinese or Japanese and has no preference except he's against Spanish (for reasons he can't or won't explain).

Of course, DH is dead set that he should learn Spanish, as he thinks it's the most useful option. (I'm from the states, so sometimes we visit there, and it's spoken quite a bit, though not by anyone in my family.)

I feel like it doesn't matter. DH took French in school and can't speak it anymore. I took Spanish and can't speak it anymore either, so "usefulness" seems potentially irrelevant, since none of the options are ones we know DS will actually use.

I know the advice is to choose a language you love, or at least have some interest in learning, but other than not wanting Spanish, DS has shown no preference.

I can't decide which misery I'm looking forward to less... DS moaning over the next several years if DH gets his way or DH moaning if he doesn't.

Well, your son clearly likes a challenge as of the above (I have studied/speak all of them except Russian) Spanish is BY FAR (well, alongside Italian which is similarly easy) the easiest.

So if he learns a harder one and already has German, if he ever wants to pick up Spanish he'll find it a breeze.

As a compromise, he can learn Italian. If he gets half decent at it he'll be able to hop to Spanish if he needs to in no time (I went from zero to passing the exam required for nationality in Italian in about 3 months based on my Spanish)

Italian is relatively easy as it is phonetic. At least, I thought it was easy 45 years ago!! I’d go for that

Spanish is phonetic too...

Some kids already have an idea about a career at that age. If he does, he should pick the language that will give him the best advantage for it.

Thanks @CatherinedeBourgh and @Davros, it's good to hear, as I'm currently encouraging Italian as the compromise language (with the bonus that someone in the family will know how to pronounce the Italian foods we encounter), but of course no one is interested in compromise at the moment.

Unfortunately, he has no idea, which is fine, just not useful for this.

There's no particular reason to think Spanish is any more useful than any of the other languages. It's very different from German and I think harder to learn. If he's not fussed go for French because I'm sure that's the easiest? Idk why but I took to it really quickly unlike Spanish or Italian. I've not tried to learn Japanese or Russian. But obviously they use different characters which could be an interesting challenge.

If I were your DS, I’d pick Russian or Japanese just to really piss your DH off. I think he needs to step away from trying to enforce subjects. It’s very early days and it won’t go well

It’s your DS who has to do it.
At this stage it’s almost completely irrelevant which is ‘more useful’ - chances are he won’t continue with it to gcse or beyond, and if your DH bullies him into taking Spanish that becomes almost certain.

Your DH is being idiotic making a ‘war’ about this, he should butt out.

While oral French is probably not harder than Spanish, as it is not a phonetic language it is much harder to learn to write it for most people (including a not insignificant number of native speakers!)

Spanish and French are easy to learn. If he wants a challenge then he should go for Russian.

Your husband needs to butt out, and let DS make a choice.
Its not going to change the world, Spanish or not. If DS shows a flair for languages, he'll pick up what's needed later in life.
If he chooses to move away from languages, he won't remember the lessons he was taught when he was 12.
DS's lessons to sit through, no massive consequences to the decision. Kids decision.

I guess for some reason I picked it up writing and reading it quite quickly. My mum learned it at uni level I think so probably subconsciously was teaching me before I did it at school?

I love Spanish though. I did the GCSE in an evening class in my 20s but forgotten most of it now!

Anything other than Spanish will really piss him off, and I agree with you and PPs that say DH shouldn't push it. He's backing up the "usefulness" with statistics about which languages are most spoken in various countries and all sorts. As long as DS has no preference, I'm encouraging latin alphabet languages over the others, just because I think he'll find it easier (but if he expresses any preference, I'm completely happy with whatever he prefers).

He's the one who'll be studying it so let him choose!

What a lucky boy to have so many to pick from! We could only do Welsh, French or German. My children have had Welsh, French and Spanish. I chose Welsh and French and I'm glad as we've been to France every few years and I use Welsh in work daily and in other situations.

It's not even for a GCSE. The level he'll be learning he could pick up from Duolingo. Don't let parents dictate the subjects the children study, they've got to have some agency over their own time and this seems like a wild hill to die on.

If he’s already studying German then French would be a decent option to get the qualification if he ever wanted to work in Europe. You never know about fluency. I learned French and Spanish at school, kept going, and have a fairly high level of business fluency in that I can conduct business in them

I’d think Chinese would be the most useful language.
But it doesn’t matter, why can’t your DS choose the language he wants? Your DH isn’t the one who will be living with the decision.

“He’s against Spanish for reasons he can’t or won’t explain”
and
”DH is dead set that he should learn Spanish”

I think you’ve solved the mystery right there.

It should be your son’s choice, he will be studying it, practicing, taking the exams.
Bear in mind that it is the learning of language that is the real skill, not what the actual language is. Learning two languages at his young age will create pathways in his brain, and enable him with the skill to learn other languages as/when needed.
(Speaking as someone who learned two languages at school and has learned six others as an adult!)

JFC your DH is in for a rough ride over the next few years if he thinks this is the right way to go about parenting teens.

The only relevant points are:

Your DS is the one who will be actually studying this, so for that reason alone your DH should wind his neck in.

The school would not be offering these options unless they thought your DS had a good chance of performing decently well in any of them.

If your DS turns out to have a love of languages and/or a notable aptitude for them, he can learn Spanish if and when he wants to, at any time in the future.

Your DH really is being a colossal dick to make an issue out of this.

Your DH is being weird and controlling. No one can say which language will be most useful to your son. He's in year 7 and his life could take him anywhere (I'm sure Japanese would be more useful if he ever wanted to work in Japan, for example. Or he could end up working for a company that works closely with clients in France. Or Italian might end up being invaluable if he marries an Italian and wants to chat to their family).

Plus, there's no guarantee he'll ever become fluent. I took German at school and can remember just about enough to exchange clumsy pleasantries with a very patient speaker.

I'd far rather upset my husband than force my child to take an option he doesn't want in these circumstances. Not only because I think it should be his choice and wouldn't side with my DH for an easy life, but also because he's likely to get better grades in a subject he's chosen himself.

Just to add, nothing wrong with giving your DS objective information that might help him make the decision e.g. highlighting the differences between the languages that might make them relatively easier/harder to learn. But it should be his choice.

I agree, in my view it's easier than Spanish or French!

I don't understand why your DH thinks he has any right to have a say in the matter. Is he always this controlling?

Why is this you or your DHs choice? always find it odd on MN where parents seem to think subject choice is their decision, my DC made their own choices.

why would your DH want too force him into a language he definitely doesn't want to do? Spanish is the most widely spoken language... if you're in a place with lots of people of hispanic origin. But maybe Russian is what will grab him and inspire whatever next. I would advocate my son having the choice. The more you give children agency in their choices, the more it feeds their sense of confidence and self-esteem