16 year has lost friendship group

[Dehew]

My 16 year old son has fallen out with his friendship group at school. This happened at the back end of the summer. There is no particular reason for it, he is being ignored in class and generally being isolated. School have been no help, I did reach out to some parents but nothing has changed. there has been some silly reasons given, but none that justify the total exclusion..
My son is very unhappy, miserable and taking it out on me, his Dad and brother.
i am struggling to cope with the situation as hate to see him so sad.. he has gone from a happy sociable kid who was out a lot, going for dinner and cinema trips. To a kid that just sits in his bedroom all weekend…
we have resorted to professional help for my son, but the situation is making me sick with worry, I’m not sleeping and just want to fix it.
has anyone experienced similar to give me some hope. He has another 6mths left at school and it makes me sad that all his friends since Year7 have disowned him.
i have suggested he reaches out to the group to resolve but he says no as he did last week to one of the boys but nothing came of it…

What were the silly reasons?

What are the reasons?
at this age it’s not like years 7&8 where they flit in and out of friendships every other day
i bet the reasons aren’t silly

Sounds horrible for your son. But not sure what the school can do, they cant force people to be friends. 6 months seems a long time at that age, has he tried making different friends.

It hard as you can’t make teenagers be friends.

As you say he has 6 months left, not even that if he is doing GCSEs (assuming so) he only has to get to middle of June, which is just over 3 months.

My advice would be he just concentrates on his exams, work, revise get the best results he can.

Then he can move come 6th form and start afresh if he doesn’t reconnect.

This happened to ds, no real reasons other than i think a change in interests etc. ds was not really interested in going out, parties etc so was not part of that group anymore. He made a decision to go to a different sixth form than all his peers and it made a huge difference. He found friends that did the same things he did, mostly outdoor sports and surfing and now has a lovely group of friends. So hold on, however hard as it can change.

Oh OP this is really sad for him. It's not 6 months though is it - won't he be on exam leave for GCSEs much earlier than that?

Has he got a new school or college sorted out for 6th form?

When does his study leave start? I know it's tough but he just needs to get through the last few months and then he can go somewhere new. Has he got anything fun to look forward to in the summer holidays?

In my experience boys don’t tend to do this sort of silliness.

If there is a youth theatre near you see if he will join, even if only to help backstage. Theatre kids are very accepting of everyone.

My son experienced something similar at a similar age. He did not attend the school Prom as (in his words) he had no friends.

The whole thing was heartbreaking. My son is a lovely kid, much nicer than a couple of the friends who dropped him at the time (I know, because I have known them since they were born).

We advised our son to 'float' around to different people during breaks and lunchtimes. This did work. He also continued to play the sport he loved. He has always done a lot of outdoor stuff with his dad and continued to do so.

He couldn't wait to leave school and start college.

He is now 18 and in his last year at college, a good job with lots of shifts and nice people, has a lovely girlfriend and a few good friends from his college course.

Two of the friends that dropped him, he had grown up with. I am very close to one of the friend's mums. My son occasionally goes out with these 2 people now so has obviously decided to forgive the fact that they were no help to him when he was struggling at school.

All the best, OP. There are threads like this on here sometimes and it's heartbreaking every time but won't always be like this. People who have it in them to see someone excluded and alone are not people anyone wants to be friends with.

Such a lovely idea.

its horrible watching dc being socially isolated.

what were the reasons they’re not friends anymore? Boys are usually less annoyed by ‘silly’ things ime compared to girls so it’s a little unusual. It’s possible if they’ve been friends from Year 7 that they’ve just matured, got different interests or views and moved on without malice.

does your ds do any sports or hobbies?

What is the "silly" reason that your son has lost his friendship group?
Without knowing what exactly happened its impossible to know how to resolve this or if it's likely possible.
Im sorry your son upset and excluded, this happened to my daughter at 17 yrs old and it can be very painful,in her case it was a girl in the group who was jealous over a boy and it wasnt possible to resolve this panful growing up issue.
Does your son have friendships outside of school because that is what helped my daughter through it.

I agree, I think (judging from my friends) it is a far more common experience with girls but definitely does happen to boys. Happened to mine.

He spent too much time with girls, and in the summer he drank too much. But the whole group were being silly with drink so I don’t understand why single him out..

School may be able to help him find another group but it is tough. Peers at this stage of Y11 are likely not leaning in to make new friends as they know everything is about to shake up and they have enough on their plates.

We went down the line of "you should do xyz to make new friends" at first but in the end I felt like it was just piling more pressure on. So we backed off, said just get through it, you're leaving anyway, and concentrated on make home feel welcoming and safe. Take him out for coffee or cinema occasionally, or whatever he likes to do out and about. Be around as much as you can at home. Find TV programmes to watch together, pizza night traditions, just little ways to keep connected.

This is assuming sixth form will bring new opportunities.

Getting a job over the summer would be very helpful - would keep him busy & off SM, & grow his confidence.

Think more has happened than what your son has told you if they were all doing it unfortunately. He will make friends in sixth form/college x

This happened to my DS in year 10 and I still dont know the exact reasons but I suspected at the time there was a girl involved.

The fall out was pretty awful as overnight he was completely ostracised by his best mate who he had known since primary school.

I won't lie, he did struggle as did we as a family as he was clearly very upset by it all.

He did eventually find a new group of friends but it was an awful time and I was glad when he left school last year.

He is now at college, has a lovely girlfriend and is now in touch with his former best mate so it has sort of resolved itself.

What helped was being involved in scouting, which he has always enjoyed and us listening to him when he needed to talk.

This does happen quite a bit having talked to a few friends who are secondary school teachers.

No friends outside of school, not interested in doing sports, he has always been shy and lacking confidence so when he started going out with friends it was a huge relief, however back
to square one!

I think he should just slog it out for the last 6 months if he can, I’m sure in college or sixth form he will be able to find friends who will appreciate him being able to socialise with the opposite sex 😂. As for the drinking, teenagers that age do it, I know I did. Maybe the rest of them pinned the blame on him and the parents see him as the bad influence so said stop hanging out with him?

Not sure when study leave is but due to finish school end of June. He wants to go back to 6th form at the same school but it will be with the same group of boys..

Interesting, OP. My son was very popular with the girls in school (still is).

I'm aware of this happening to three different teenage boys (a nephew and the children of two friends). All seemed normal well-adjusted teenage boys, but suddenly the group turned against them.

In one case, the boys were probably jealous as my friend's son excelled in everything and still does. He hung around with girls for a while but got involved in extracurricular, moved sixth form and had a great group of new friends and an impressive social life.

One of the others was due to a teenage breakup, and the girl then telling everyone not to be friends with him. He is thriving at uni. Another, inexplicably dumped by his group, but is a lovely well-mannered normal boy, now in mid-20s and living with his girlfriend.

I feel for your son as this ostracision is painful and ime, boys can do it just as much as girls. But it is temporary and will pass.

I would encourage him to look at different sixth forms or colleges if it doesn’t resolve in the next month or so.

He has never been one for clubs, which is why his social life was so important - he is not open to suggestions or any advice I give him..