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Original poster

16 year has lost friendship group

67 replies

Dehew · 03/03/2026 16:16

My 16 year old son has fallen out with his friendship group at school. This happened at the back end of the summer. There is no particular reason for it, he is being ignored in class and generally being isolated. School have been no help, I did reach out to some parents but nothing has changed. there has been some silly reasons given, but none that justify the total exclusion..
My son is very unhappy, miserable and taking it out on me, his Dad and brother.
i am struggling to cope with the situation as hate to see him so sad.. he has gone from a happy sociable kid who was out a lot, going for dinner and cinema trips. To a kid that just sits in his bedroom all weekend…
we have resorted to professional help for my son, but the situation is making me sick with worry, I’m not sleeping and just want to fix it.
has anyone experienced similar to give me some hope. He has another 6mths left at school and it makes me sad that all his friends since Year7 have disowned him.
i have suggested he reaches out to the group to resolve but he says no as he did last week to one of the boys but nothing came of it…

OP posts:
Hellohelga · 03/03/2026 18:13

Kids can be very woke and judgemental at this age. If he got drunk and said something “unacceptable” about girls or trans, he could easily be ostracised. Im not saying he did, but I’ve seen it happen in my DC friendship group.

Elizabethandfour · 03/03/2026 18:16

Could he get a part-time job even a few hours a week? Just to get him out and about and meeting people.

pictoosh · 03/03/2026 18:17

OP you're probably spot on about one with influence taking against your son and the rest of the group following on.

In my experience, most people, especially kids, don't side with who is right or even who they like the most; they side with whoever offers them the most in terms of social status.
People with integrity are in the minority.

It's revolting the way some people/kids are targeted by one or two nefarious bastards for shunning, while the rest of them shit their pants that they'll be next and join in. Sadly it's a common human weakness that many share...and what's more, society rewards it.

Sorry this has happened to your son. It's cruel.

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Monthlymonster · 03/03/2026 18:18

I’d say something has happened, groups of friends don’t just fall out/ignore someone for no reason.

Pinkfluffypencilcase · 03/03/2026 18:18

Dehew · 03/03/2026 18:13

Just feel the punishment doesn’t really fit the crime…

Show quote history

Agree. Maybe the lad with the influence in the group was aggrieved and the group followed him
unfair of course. Especially as he’s stood by them before.

pictoosh · 03/03/2026 18:18

Monthlymonster · 03/03/2026 18:18

I’d say something has happened, groups of friends don’t just fall out/ignore someone for no reason.

Yes they do.

Original poster
Dehew · 03/03/2026 18:20

pictoosh · 03/03/2026 18:17

OP you're probably spot on about one with influence taking against your son and the rest of the group following on.

In my experience, most people, especially kids, don't side with who is right or even who they like the most; they side with whoever offers them the most in terms of social status.
People with integrity are in the minority.

It's revolting the way some people/kids are targeted by one or two nefarious bastards for shunning, while the rest of them shit their pants that they'll be next and join in. Sadly it's a common human weakness that many share...and what's more, society rewards it.

Sorry this has happened to your son. It's cruel.

you are right… they are all
sheep that follow, no one wants to be the next kid thrown out of the group!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dehew · 03/03/2026 18:21

Elizabethandfour · 03/03/2026 18:16

Could he get a part-time job even a few hours a week? Just to get him out and about and meeting people.

Yes trying to sort this now, but he has lost motivation and confidence so is tricky!

OP posts:
MomoisGogo · 03/03/2026 18:22

Summeriscumin · 03/03/2026 16:51

If there is a youth theatre near you see if he will join, even if only to help backstage. Theatre kids are very accepting of everyone.

Yes, help him form friendships outside of school. The dynamic is different and can be really beneficial for kids.

LindorDoubleChoc · 03/03/2026 18:31

It clearly does happen quite a lot in boy friendship groups as witnessed by the posts on this thread.

OP - there will be one leader in the group who is controlling the narrative and the rest will be following like sheep. I would encourage your DS to apply to a new sixth form if possible. The boys who have turned on him are probably a lost cause now and you'll all be happier if you can find a way to move on.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 03/03/2026 18:36

TofuTuesday · 03/03/2026 17:40

Bollocks that boys don’t do this stuff so it must be op’s son has somehow brought it on himself. Boys (mother of three boys here, all now young adults) absolutely take offence and fall out over stupid things and whoever has the influence can twist the group. It’s really sad to see someone reach out for help and get told it’s her son who must have done something worse and she doesn’t know. Op the drama idea is a great one but I would also say the floating around and chatting to new people is good. Don’t contact parents yourself unless you are really good friends away from the boys.

Edited

Second this. My brothers and their friends used to be just as bad as my sisters and I, sometimes worse. Middle brother was (and still is) a massive bloody gossip. See it with my nieces and nephews as who are teens too. Girls get a bad rep but boys are often just as bad.

thanks2 · 03/03/2026 18:41

I think you need to get to the bottom of what happened over summer. He could have behaved appaullingly or embarassingly when drunk. Too close to the girls means what - maybe he miss read signals or was drunk and over stepped boundaries? I would ask him which girls and what does he think being too close to the girls means. The girls think he was too close or the boys do etc. I have boy / girl twins - while of course some boys are bitchy things usually blow over and its a red flag this hasn't. It is possible your son is ND and acting what others consider quirky and the leader of the group sees this as off putting if he's trying to move the group into being seen as cool.

converseandjeans · 03/03/2026 19:22

Dehew · 03/03/2026 18:05

There has been some mention that he broke bro code!

Show quote history

@Dehew it sounds to me like he snogged a girl who the ringleader fancied & so he’s instigated this to teach him a lesson. Will they all be going into 6th form or might a handful disappear off to college? He probably needs a fresh start next year. A part time job would be a big help.

gettingwhere · 03/03/2026 19:29

FlowerFairyDaisy · 03/03/2026 16:53

My son experienced something similar at a similar age. He did not attend the school Prom as (in his words) he had no friends.

The whole thing was heartbreaking. My son is a lovely kid, much nicer than a couple of the friends who dropped him at the time (I know, because I have known them since they were born).

We advised our son to 'float' around to different people during breaks and lunchtimes. This did work. He also continued to play the sport he loved. He has always done a lot of outdoor stuff with his dad and continued to do so.

He couldn't wait to leave school and start college.

He is now 18 and in his last year at college, a good job with lots of shifts and nice people, has a lovely girlfriend and a few good friends from his college course.

Two of the friends that dropped him, he had grown up with. I am very close to one of the friend's mums. My son occasionally goes out with these 2 people now so has obviously decided to forgive the fact that they were no help to him when he was struggling at school.

All the best, OP. There are threads like this on here sometimes and it's heartbreaking every time but won't always be like this. People who have it in them to see someone excluded and alone are not people anyone wants to be friends with.

But I don’t understand. How can you feel that the mother of one of the boys is a good friend, when her son did that? Did you talk to her about it? Were you tempted to cut contact with her, I know it sounds immature, but just to sort of bring it home to her family, how it feels when people do this?

gettingwhere · 03/03/2026 19:33

pictoosh · 03/03/2026 18:18

Yes they do.

Show quote history

Dead right they do

dicentra365 · 03/03/2026 19:37

Try to think of it this way. He has not got six months left. I think it’s probably about eight school weeks until the start of the exams. Then he can go on study leave then he can go to college elsewhere and start a fresh. I’ve worked this kind of thing out because my year 11 son was being bullied. The end is a lot nearer than you think 💐

FlowerFairyDaisy · 03/03/2026 20:42

gettingwhere · 03/03/2026 19:29

But I don’t understand. How can you feel that the mother of one of the boys is a good friend, when her son did that? Did you talk to her about it? Were you tempted to cut contact with her, I know it sounds immature, but just to sort of bring it home to her family, how it feels when people do this?

Show quote history

It’s a good question and thank you for asking, Believe me, it wasn’t easy and sometimes, years later, it still isn't. I know enough about this boys childhood to understand him. I watched him grow up. I’m have forgiven but I won’t ever forget.

I did what I thought was best for my son and I didn’t think that speaking to my friend would have been helpful. I think she would either have been very upset or would have gone on the defensive and justified her sons actions. I suspect the latter. And it may have got back to my son that I’d spoken to my friend about it. He wouldn’t have appreciated it, they were 15/16. Too old for mums to get involved. I weighed it up and decided that it wouldn’t have been right to talk to her, or him.

Also, having known the family since the boys were born, I understand why he had some bitterness and insecurity in him (sadly) and would have a desire for popularity and being in with the ‘in’ crowd.

I had faith in my son, he’s a good person who encourages others and I knew that he’d find his way to new friends and new interests and he did.

Friend’s younger daughter is now experiencing ostracism in school.

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