Sorry if this gets long there is a lot to unpack. I dated someone and fell for them hard. They lived with their 'ex' and I was told they weren't together and lived together for the kids. Naive me trusted that given that we messaged non stop and saw each other all the time. We really seemed connected on every level, saw each other cry, nights away etc. so to me it was a real relationship the entire time and we were together a reasonable while. He always seemed so emotionally available and sensitive.
I never went to his place when his 'ex' was there but I did when she was out occasionally and the kids asleep upstairs. We also worked together and often drove in and home together etc, so to me I didn't see any obvious red flags that he was hiding anything from me. The closest was once after we were intimate when he broke down in tears about his home situation and not wanting to not live with his children. I didn't glean from that that they were still together though, more that he didn't want to move out?
Anyway at some point it became clear his 'ex' was his girlfriend when she stumbled upon some of our messages and it all kicked off and he had to come clean to me. At this point I had changed jobs. He called me the following day in tears an absolute mess, telling me the truth and that he loved me but obviously couldn't see me anymore.
I was beyond heartbroken and had never felt pain like it. For the breakup but also for how convincing a liar he was, it felt like I didn't know him at all. He told me that day they hadn't slept together in years and it was very 'housemate' like but he couldn't bare to be a part time dad. And they couldn't afford to split. I still don't know where the lies end and truth begins but it didn't matter after that either way.
Anyway, roll on coming up 4 years. Things were tough at first I was so depressed, but eventually I met someone new. Someone very much single! I am in such a good place in my life right now and content in this relationship. He has barely entered my mind at all these past few years.
One day, I'm at the gym when guess who strolls in! I didn't have an emotional reaction but it was a bit awkward and I just avoided him. Turns out we seem to be on a similar gym schedule. I just pretended he wasn't there but he started to say hello to me, I gave a polite hello back and walked away.
A few weeks ago I went to the gym coffee shop after and he also did. We ended up having a very brief conversation while waiting for our drinks to go and that was that. Still no affect on me and i went on with my day.
A few days ago I went to the coffee shop but had the day off so sat with my drink instead of leaving. He came in after me and just sat at the table next to me. It was so bizarre, and then struck up conversation. Again I was polite but not interested in chatting really, next thing I know he joins me at my table.
He starts asking how I am and wanting to know about my life, keeps saying how sorry he is for everything and how he thinks about me all the time. That he is glad I'm happy etc. I shut down any conversation relating back to 'us' and kept to the regular small talk. He stayed chatting to me for like 30 mins until we had both finished our drinks, told me I look great and then we left and went our separate ways.
At first I didn't feel anything beyond surprise that he had just sat chatting to me publicly like that when his girlfriend knows who I am. I am content in my relationship now and in no way hold on to any feelings for him or would consider going back there even if he was single now. (He's not, I didn't ask further).
But in the few days that have followed for some reason I am ruminating on this conversation all the time and I'm not sure why. I don't want to speak to him again or be in his life and am so happy, but I feel quite upset now for some reason and I don't understand why this is? I'm not sure if it's because we had a real conversation this time, and we do still click on a personality level with similar humour etc so it's not like it was overly awkward as such.
I thought I was going to cry today and it took me by surprise as it doesn't make sense? It hasn't brought any feelings back for me but it has brought confusion? Is this normal?
I can't change gyms and I love it there so don't want to have to, but I am now feeling weird about us continuing to run into each other like this. Would probably be easier if he just ignored me, I can't imagine his girlfriend would be pleased to know about it all.
It's such a mess, my boyfriend said I'm quiet tonight and I'm just so in my head and I just don't know why.
Someone please tell me how to shake this!