Increasingly feeling ill at ease in busy places as I get older?

[Appleski]

Was out yesterday to meet two friends in the nearest city for a catch up, we started with a coffee and chat, then went round the shops and then for dinner. It was really nice to see them, the food was good and I even bought a treat for myself while at the shops. However I don't think I much enjoyed being out in the city much. It was really busy, there were so many people everywhere I turned it was almost hard to see anything or move at times. I honestly felt a bit overwhelmed. Even on my way home, I was on my own as I go in the opposite direction my my friends but walking though the city at about 9pm with all the people headed to their nights or on the busy train home I almost felt kind of exposed and a strong desire just to get home. All was fine as I got off the train and was picked up by my husband from the station.

It was just such a strange feeling actually but I have had it before at shopping malls in recent time for example. It doesn't feel like fear or anxiety as such but I know its newish in the last few years and I've much preferred to go out when it's quieter during the week. I am pushing 50 and perimenopausal so perhaps that it it? I've never been one for partying, pubs and clubs but I think I used to still quite enjoy the buzz of walking though the town on a Saturday night, seeing everyone excited for their nights out but I didn't enjoy it at all yesterday.

Anyone else noticing this? Is it a sign I'm developing agoraphobia or something or is it just normal?

I feel the same. I can’t cope with crowded areas and people pushing past each other all the time anymore. I hate it.

Really interesting points from everyone and quite a few different perspectives. Someone mentioned tiredness and I think that is part of it for me. My sleep has been quite fragile in the past year which I think is perimenopause so I think I am more chronically tired than I ever was in the past which doesn't help. I also think that a combination of my underlying temperament and literally just being out of practice at being out in busy cities is also a huge factor. I happen to know my hearing is still pretty much perfect although I know general ageing is taking it's toll. I'm a migraine sufferer and so always tended to feel a bit over stimulated by things even in my youth but I perhaps have less tolerance or energy to put up with it all now.

I will take the tips on planning a bit better in future. There was a lot of football fans on my train going home that were rowdy and loud which I didn't enjoy although I appreciate they were only having fun. If I'd checked I might have got a different train home and avoided them.

I've also been unwell pretty much constantly with some bug or another since early December so I think I'm just run down.

Not sure if I want to rebuild my "big city resilience" but will perhaps have a day out myself mid week sometime to see how I feel another time.

I used to live in London in my 20's as a student and actually used to walk about 5 miles back to my digs in South London most nights (weather permitting) as I hated the crush of public transport during rush hour so much. Perhaps I've always been a bit like this and just don't have to encounter that part of myself so much these days?

I think this is true, everywhere does seem busier now. Selfishly places I love that used to be undiscovered little gems that would have been busy but not nightmarish are now always packed with queues round the block probably due to social media (not sure as I don't really use it) but yeah life is just different now.

Probably true but then I don't have an office to go to I literally work for myself.

@Appleski I've also been unwell pretty much constantly with some bug or another since early December so I think I'm just run down.
That's another reason I hate crowds. It started when I had breast cancer and had to avoid infection because of chemo, then we had covid . I have an autoimmune condition and a cold that's trivial to others makes me ill for weeks. So I'm hyper vigilant about being too close to sick people. Had to go to A&E last week and a woman came to sit next to me (elbow to elbow on little chairs). She obviously had flu or something, looked dreadful. I had to move.

OP you said life is different now and i agree , thinking back to the years when my youngest , now 17, was little i don't recall the pace of life being the way it is now , i do think social media plays a part in the way that there is a sense of entitlement and 'much wants more' with many people, i am also aware that manners don't seem as important to some and i think having your head down looking at phones, screens etc has possibly led to this.
it's sad that once society changes in a certain way many social interactions ie 'treat others as you wish to be treated' are out the window.
I think this is one of the reasons why i choose to live a quieter kind of life, less chance of confrontation with not very nice people who are likely to spoil your day.

It's something known as "supermarket syndrome" (although not limited to supermarkets but they seem to be the main culprit)

FWIW I find going into big shops or shopping malls or unfamiliar supermarkets very overwhelming. They don't make me feel physically ill but I feel disoriented and discombobulated. I often leave without what I came for. This has definitely got worse with age (I'm 45 now)

I think you are overthinking this. It’s perfectly normal not to love being in busy crowded spaces and it’s normal to find bright lights or loud shops or cafes irritating. I don’t think there is anything more to it than that usually.

I find background music way too loud a lot of the time.

I don't think so. There is a subtle but noticeable difference from the past. As I have already stated I know I've never been really into being in the thick of things but its just different now. I think I am perhaps just really tired these days.

I've felt like this since I got varifocals. I have to concentrate very hard to see out of the right part of the lenses and they throw me off balance at times too. I feel somewhat more vulnerable when out and about and I worry that I might hold people up and they'll get angry. People pushing past me can throw me off balance too. If the music in shops is too loud, I can't concentrate enough and the led lights feel uncomfortable too. It's not worth goimg out, so I don't. I just go to a couple of supermarkets and the pet shop. Too many people now anyway.

I’m the same, I was diagnosed with agoraphobia plus a whole pile of other awful things after a breakdown and then the lockdowns.

One of the great benefits of retirement for me is that I can be out in the world during the week when it's quieter. At weekends I rarely step outside my front gate.

I say that as someone who lived in the heart of the city and loved every minute of it until I was 50. Now when I go to London I go midweek, I plan my route and transport, I build in visits to galleries and parks where I know I can retreat to peace and I eat in small, off the main drag cafes and restaurants.