I don't think midlife is a crisis, its more like midlife awakening

[Stuckinthemiddlewithyouuhoh]

Where you realise you need to do things while your still young and healthy enough to do them

Often you start to regain some freedom after many years of raising young children and building

You no longer tolerate bs

You dont waste time on people and things that arent worth it

You are so much wiser

men stop hassling you all the time

I an understand why they used to call it the change years ago, as you really do change so much in your 40s

I agree, although I do think some of it is due to hormonal changes. I have noticed a distinct shift in how much bs I tolerate from other people. It’s like a veil has been lifted an suddenly I see people and situations for what they are. It’s liberating on one hand and a little frightening on the other. It’s like my whole personality has shifted which doesn’t always seem like a good thing.

Me too. Lean into it. I’m 51 now, and I’ve taken out a lot of the trash that was littering my life.

I’m actually excited about my life and what might happen next for the first time in decades. Maybe ever.

I feel like I’m starting to become who I should have always been.

Honestly this resonates so much. I don't know what it is but I'm just not tolerating any crap any more and really seeing things for what they are. I've left a bad situation and since then my boundaries and standards seem to have changed for the better.

Definitely. You run out of fucks to give when you realise there are no awards given if you spend your life enabling selfish people to stay selfish.

Nailed it ! That’s exactly how I feel
“I feel like I’m starting to become who I should have always been.”

and hopefully we still have time to enjoy this next chapter of our lives fully on our terms

I love this for you, it’s like a whole new freedom
here’s to your next chapter 🥂

Yes !!
exactly

I don’t think I changed much in my 40s . It was early 50s the realisation came that I don’t give a fuck about trivia.

Are you not conflating personal growth that comes from life experience with a typical midlife crisis (‘a more medical condition as behaviour affected by drop in hormones that change personality traits)?

Yes I’m convinced for me hormones play a big part
bit I think it’s also
quite financially secure (wasn’t as a child or young person )
so that’s a powerful feeling of freedom for me
wisdom of having lived life and experienced things
love have people in my life that love me for me and I’m talking about form all different angles my children and really good friends
I love my dh but a lot of my support and love and emotional support comes from other angles and that’s ok
I know he loves me
he’s just not great at EQ but I have others in my life that fill that role
also knowing life is finite and you will never be younger than you are today
and this really is a magic window

imagine your 80
and what your life might be like
then snap you come back to late 40
and do everything you want to

Totally agree. I turned 50 last year and so much has changed in my outlook even though I can't entirely put my finger on why. It's very strange and scary but also really liberating.

I bought this when I moved into my current home in my early 40s after getting divorced, but it has never rung more true than it does currently.

Yes, this! I call it my Second Wind. Triggered by bereavement, I just felt a fundamental urge to restructure my life so it resembled the way I wanted to live. Its been like forced evolution, not entirely pain-free but essential and ongoing

Wow I love that! Thanks for sharing

I wish I could see the words a bit more easily
I’ll log on on my tablet
might be able to see it fully better then

Sorry for your loss xxx

i also call it second wind
it’s like I can feel the wind picking up
like you can before a storm begins

Yes maybe
maybe it’s just human growth after years

but I also think we are often told how it’s all down hill after such and such and we are told a lot of the negatives

but rarely do people speak of the second wind and freedom

Not for me so far. Late 40s, health has been ever declining since early 40s.

Don't understand the 'no fucks given' thing. About what? Can you give examples?

I've heard this lots of times on MN. But I don't know what it's supposed to look like in real life?!

What things do you class as trivia ?

Here's the link...you can zoom in!

https://obviousstate.com/products/kate-chopin-garment-print?srsltid=AfmBOorbv2dZeq_57F3Umjy-RyOK7JLKisw0uB0Jafv3MFZAlc6hv8Tp

My forties were rough...divorce, Covid, my beloved dad fell and broke his back in 2019 and was put on long term end of life with frailty a few days into the first lockdown and passed the following year. My employer was horrific about it which added another layer of stress and I ended up being out of work and putting my mum back together for another couple of years which was financially not ideal and the whole experinec resulted in som challenges to our relationship which nearly saw us go NC. All of this while single
parenting teenage DD.

Just as I started to get back on my feet, cost of living hit, DD went to uni so I lost maintenance child benefit and tax credits. Have spent the last 3 years working 2 jobs resulting in a deterioration of my physical health and being so exhausted I no longer have hobbies or a social life and have gotten into debt.

Then as last year progressed I realised how much time I had spent over those years worrying about what other people thought and how I appeared to the outside world; chasing things I'd wanted in my twenties and trying to make up for lost time instead of planning a secure future that makes me happy and gives me time to spend with people I care about and doing things I love.

So I've stopped buying into all that bullshit, I'm eating better, job hunting for something remote and flexible and have just had my house valued with a view to relocating to a place I love this year, where I can buy a little bungalow or cottage and reduce my mortgage by around 50% and pay it off before I'm 60.

I just want totally different things out of life now, and I'm content with that and no longer give a shit if people think I'm a boring old fart!

Since turning 50 I have decided that now is time where I put myself first and do what’s right for me. I am done with people pleasing and worrying about what other people think as I’ve spent my whole life doing this to my detriment. I now give zero fucks.

I hope I get to where you are someday op, my midlife is broken knees and back, a very frail mother and my brother and sister were have health issues. I’m trying to be positive for teen kids while running about working a mw job. I miss giving two fucks and I wish I could get back to happily being a people pleaser (hate that phrase, nothing wrong with helping others) because I know a lot of people who could do with a helping hand right now but I’m exhausted

I'm 36 and I'm sort of going through this. My son will be 18 in a few months and is looking at moving out. I'm looking into retraining in a STEM subject in the next year. I care so much less about what people think about me the older I get. I'm soon going to get dental implants to replace my rubbish weak and horrid- looking teeth and I think just that in itself will give me a new lease of life. I told myself at new year that this will be the year I will finally get my shit together, and I really mean it. I haven't worked in some time due to various issues but after I get my dental treatment I will as I'm desperate to work and really looking forward to it

I agree OP. I think it's a shame when women put it down to hormones though. It gets said so often about many instances in women's lives, and I find it dismissive of the experience and maturity we acquire over a lifetime. I have more self esteem and worry less about what people think of me now that I'm in my forties, but I don't put it down to hormones. It's because I've learnt and grown as a person.

I used to go the extra mile, avoid upsetting people, feel responsible if other people were struggling and obliged to help. I’d spend time with people I found difficult, I was community minded. I never let people down, even if it was significantly costly to me.

Slowly but surely I started to recognise that other people were effectively enjoying the results of my labour, and that most of it was no more my responsibility than anyone else’s. I stopped explaining and assisting and helping. I see through people’s excuses to the ‘can’t be bothered’ underneath.

I save most of my efforts for my nearest and dearest, now.

Totally agree. I don’t people please any longer. I allow my needs to be prioritised. I love it.