What do you think to the idea, noone can make you feel inferior without your consent ?

[Stuckinthemiddlewithyouuhoh]

Not sure wgat tk make of it really as on 9ne hand I kinda agree with it
but On the other it seems very victim blaming too

This works as an immediate reaction, but the longer term response of blaming others for how you feel is definitely choice. The complaint is heard frequently on MN: he/she/they made me feel X. It's not mere words, it really is a mindset and can limit progress, i.e. you can't change what people do (broadly), only how you react.
I don't think for one minute it's easy to take the step back and take responsibility for your feelings, but it's a start to clearer thinking.

The bullies' charter mentioned by @NigelFromAccounts is real, and a response to the put-upon's sharing their feelings.
Maybe they shouldn't do this. Fuck the bullies. Tell them to stop. It's against the rules (whatever they are in the circumstance).

Can you tell I loathe the badly-handled restorative justice so often doled out in schools?

That absolves schools of responsibility to tackle bullying; society of responsibility to tackle inappropriate behaviour towards women. Do we turn around and say "the only behaviour you can control is your own, just manage how you deal with it"?

Of course extremely poor behaviour such as violence should be tackled but we are discussing empowering people to understand how their behaviour makes them a target of people who want to make others feel inferior to boost their own self esteem

Its codependence essentially
People who seek validation constantly from others.
The interesting thing is that it takes very little for people with low self esteem to become the persecutor vs victim vs rescuer
The roles are often swapped depending on whos needs are not being met.

This.

The older I get, the less I care.

Ah, dear Eleanor ...

“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”

I do agree but definitely easier said than done

It's good advice, really - don't let the bastards get you down. Might not be east to do, but that doesn't make it less valuable.
You don't have to play the role they want to put you in. We can all manage our feelings to an extent.

Some people give making you feel inferior a bloody good try.

Wow what a split vote, I’m still split but agree with all these thoughts

Perhaps it very much depends on whether it is an isolated incident or a very long-term and continued pattern of intimidation and belittling.

Try saying that to someone raised by abusive parents. The feeling of inferiority is programmed into you, against your will, while your brain is developing.

This can be undone with the right circumstances and a lot of time. But many people never overcome it.

This; I think perhaps that's where my dislike of the phrase comes from. It ignores the psychological impact of being consistently made to feel inferior from a very young age, way before you're able to decide whether it's with or without your consent.

I think it's nonsense.

If you grow up in a FSM home where you are repeatedly told you are useless and will never amount to anything, and then at 11 you go to a grammar school full of very well heeled class mates in lovely new uniforms, with perfect shoes, clear skin, professionally cut hair, who look down on you, trust me, it's damn near impossible not to feel inferior.

Consent doesn't come in to it.

FSM, @Meadowfinch ?

I couldn't agree more that early programming goes very very deep though.

No one has denied that its due to childhood trauma , however the brain is flexible and its possible to challenge unhelpful thoughts about ones self hence the phrase.

I totally agree, but I am naturally a very confident person. I have had people who have tried to put me down, my response is always ”Really” and then laugh. If I’m pressed I will say “ People always find something to pick on - whilst they are talking about me, they are not picking on anyone else”.

Only up to a point.

A great deal of reprogramming is possible but in some cases the damage goes too deep. If you talk to experienced social workers in the field of adoption, they will tell you that sometimes it's too late for a child to have a life of internal stability and peace by the time they reach a year old. Too much has happened in the crucial formative early months.

Luckily that's not common.

Its extremely common
Childhood emotional abuse is an epidemic causing low self esteem and a multitude of issues

Very true. You have a good attitude. I'm quite lacking in confidence so unfortunately others can make me feel small. Only I can change that by not caring what others do or say. I keep trying !

I think there’s a difference between feeling inferior as a person and socially inferior too.

I definitely feel socially inferior at times - I’m at the bottom end of the economic ladder so can’t keep up with what many other people have and I’m unlikely to be able to change that given my age now, not without a lot of luck anyway.

It’s meaningless. Ask anyone who’s been the victim of slavery, of apartheid, of violent crimes of submission, of theft of their homeland. Sure, they might feel equal to humanity - in reality though, they’re not. What’s the point, then?

It’s something only the privileged can say with any degree of intent.

About 20 years ago I was in with a group of school mums who l literally climbed over each other to be the richest, poshest shallowestblah blah

I decided it wasnt for me.
I found it all extremely shallow ,tedious and fake.
Im financially comfortable but take very little interest in buying stuff and have friends from all walks of life who are fun and interesting.

All the things,I enjoy cost very little, if financial disaster arrived I would still run, swim,cycle, enjoy going for walks, read, podcasts, magazines ( library) bake and garden.

Its literally the most freeing thing ever stepping away from that nonsense.
I feel sorry for them tbh

People who think other people should be able to control how they feel and simply choose not to feel badly are generally lacking in empathy.

No people are responsible for how they manage themselves and behave and many people who are unhappy look to counselling to help manage this.
Realising that you are not responsible for the behaviour of others and their nastiness and tantrums are related to THEM not YOU is life changing

FSM = Free school meals