SEN PARENTS SUPPORT GROUP - Thread 1

[mumofoneAloneandwell]

Hey everyone

this is the original thread that was started for half term:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5491563-half-term-sen-parents-support-group?page=1

but we’re carrying it on since it’s been helpful

all parents of sen kids are welcome - also those who’s sen kids are now adults!

safe space to vent, share advice, tips and tricks, share good news and bad, and just chit chat and be 🙂

i am a mum of one dd. She’s 6 and is autistic and not yet verbal. It’s just us, no support system so I am thankful for the people on here keeping me company through the journey ❤️

The System was just another plate I was spinning..I was killing myself trying to get a school refusing SEN DC to school to please their attendance stats, and they'd call me back within an hour to collect an over stimulated child in PDA and id spend 3 days with DC in meltdown only to try school again and the loop goes on until you think, wait, this just isn't working, it's not benefitting DC and it's all falling to mum to pick up the pieces, and I just came to the point where I realised that trying to squish my family into their metrics was not meeting the needs of my DC or me as a single parent with no network, I know I can manage either way but I needed support that in The System never materialized.

I hear you on the mum guilt, I'm glad your DC is ok, it's impossible to feel sometimes if you're doing the right thing but that's just the mum guilt speaking. I sometimes tell chatgpt when I feel overwhelmed by mum guilt and it is actually quite helpful 💐

(that's also not me criticising the education and SEN system, I know how stretched it is, they try their best, it's just my perspective as a parent-carer)

How old are your dc? Are they high needs? For any parent its hard but when you've got 0 support network its must be draining! Hats off to you. My mums been using chat gpt to understand my ocd and trying to reassure me. Its consuming and im drained with it atm (I can be ok for a year and it comes and goes)

They are medium needs so it's hectic but not too complicated, it's just a juggle getting things done, I was with a fully useless ex DH so I'm used to coping alone, it's much easier now I'm not cleaning up after a grown man in addition

Sorry about your OCD flare up, chatgpt van be quite handy, glad it's helped your mum

Hope you get a break once in a while!

My ocd has been much worse since having ds and even worse still since his diagnosis. I think people without ocd often think is it because of xyz but with ocd its that times 10000

I can understand that. I pull out my hair when I'm stressed (trichtil... something, I cannot spell!) and I have little gaps in my hairline as a result.

A sign you need a break i think

unless I get respite it's not possible, we fall between service provision where I am and it's overloaded anyway. I try to take little pit stops in the day where I can but there's not much else I can do

No family support at all?

No, in my culture I was cast out for becoming a single mum, it's just me now, that was a while ago, and I just keep on keeping on for the dc. I think it's pretty medieval but as a mum, I'm staying in my lane and powering thru bc the DC needs me to

Im so sorry to hear this. It is medieval and id never understand how you can turn your back on family especially when they need you the most

@Tiramisuforone honestly you’re so amazing, you brought a tear to my eye

you’re so strong , how is that possible? So much admire you , can’t believe I am moaning for such smaller things!

Sending love ! ❤️

Please can I ask if you don’t mind, do you not want to take anything for OCD? Ds had this but certain medication sorted it out !

Hi, I am. Started on them again this week. I feel everyone puts it down to my ocd and gaslights me with it (I may be wrong) but because of decisions made I feel like a terrible mum, its draining

Sorry, I am in and out of mumsnet and the thread but try to read each post

@BrentfordForever I am north now - exhausted isn't the word honrstly 😪

@Tiramisuforone you are amazing. I am in a similar boat although I suspect the culture might be different. My love to you, as it isn't easy, but you show up for your kids every day and that is not something to be ashamed of but to shout from the bloody rooftops!

❤️

@Tiramisuforoneim so sorry to hear how up to you everything is, you must be exhausted! Are there local parent forums that you can at least vent to?

I've just had an email to say our provider will prescribe melatonin after I sent a bit of a desperate email the other night following lots of stress and not my best parenting ever. Feeling relieved about that and have also decided in the interim sleep is not the aim, regulation and calm is - D's came and chilled with us till 10 last night and then went to bed and fell asleep within 10 mins with me sitting there which was so much better than everyone getting upset between 8pm bedtime and ds not being able to sleep until 11

we're all in similar boats, the system is broken. There's a thread Out There in the rest of MN about home ed "insane" rates of home school, and the usual throwing of all SEN stereotypes and parents under various buses, without most posters realising that we love our DC and we are giving every day our best shot and hanging in there long after all the professionals clock off.

It was giving me The Rage to read it and I had to head over to S+B to read a thread about a cardigan (which actually got more heated then you'd expect)

we have just come back from outside and it wasn't a disaster, no one cried, inc me, so that is my win for the day. ☕and now for caffeine

I saw the thread on home ed and the first few posts raised good arguments (not that you should have to!)

I've had a reality check today thank god! Found a pic of the incident i was worried about and it was so minor! Didn't need to go hospital at all and dh was right and my ocd took over! Feeling calmer tonight.

it's hard isn't it, in hospital you might've had a very very long wait to be reviewed and sent home again anyway, and potentially picked up a bug while you were there, paeds a+e a couple of weeks back when we were there was pretty full of little ones with viral chest infections and all sorts. It's hard when you doubt yourself

Yep and covid at that time too!

honestly we need people like you in our lives, not sure if situation made you stronger but your DC are so lucky!!! Rage is good, keeps you going !

<going to check that cardigan thread 😂 >

❤

Mine are 18 and 21, can I join you? Huge transitions for us this year!

Ah that’s crap! 😫

Hope med works (is it antiD), I totally get your OCD (have seen my DS getting stuck in front of a mirror for hours due to obsessions) so where possible be gentle and forgiving to yourself, you’re top priority!

❤

I empathise. Its consuming! Not many people understand but once you've got a thought in your head its hard to shift. How old is your ds? Im on Fluoxitine.

Welcome @Anonymouse27

True and to be brutally honest only meds can get this shifted, absolutely nothing else , just a brain thing
He’s 14 - he’s on Atomoxetine for ADHD and this also resolved OCD, truly life changing !

does Fl. work for you, have you had this med before or is it first time? xxx