How do you manage young teens and full time work in the school holidays?

[Henryonthebeach]

I have DS 13 (yr 8) and DD 14 (year 10).
I work full time and am out of the house 7.30-4.30, a 25 minute drive away with limited access to my phone during the day.

Until now I've had reliable childcare but this isn't the case anymore, on top of this ive been let down for tomorrow and Friday. Nightmare. Ive taken 3 days this week, the last of my annual leave.

DD is super independent and I can leave her alone but DS isnt as good at being left (he has ADHD if relevant). I'm pretty confident they will be fine if left together and I don't have annual leave or carers leave left to take. I'm a lone parent so noone else to ask.

What do you do during the school hols when paid childcare is no longer a thing? I'm panicking a bit about the thought of leaving them.

13 and 14 year olds don't need childcare, unless you're going to give big drop feed that they have severe disabilities or something.

Most will sleep half the day, get up and have some lunch, then potter about for a while, meet friends, gym or whatever. My teen would be mortified if I was arranging babysitters for them.

You're not far away, brief them on what to do in an emergency situation. Do you have any local friends at all who could be on standby? I wouldn't be keen on looking after teens but I'd be very happy to be an emergency contact for friends DC left at home.

What do you mean by 'isnt good at being left?' and what is it that worries you?

What sort of childcare have you previously used?

Do you not leave them alone at all usually?

Have to admit, I assumed the norm by 11/12 was that you left them to it

Yes, I would be comfortable leaving teenagers at this age. Its true they might get a bit bored and probably more screen time, but it is what it is. Do they have friends you can encourage them to hang with, even if you have to "bribe" them ie by offering to pay for cinema tickets/local pool trip/ train to local centre rtx?

Thanks for your replies. No drip feed, just wondering what others do, normally their dad will help out but he won't anymore.

DS is a worrier, nothing out of the ordinary. If I leave him he constantly messages me but I can let him know I won't be reading his messages. We have a great neighbour who is always in too.

It must be hard if you can’t ever work from home or do flexi time. I tend to budget my leave carefully to have a couple of days each half term, 4 days at Xmas and Easter, and 2 weeks in the summer. The rest of the time I start work as early as possible so I can be finished early. I do some extra hours just before holidays so have more flexi in the bank. And I do a mixture of office and wfh.

if you don’t have those options it’s really tough 🙁
in our town there is a youth club with organised sessions or drop ins for that age group, and the local youth theatre holiday courses are a popular option for that group. Also going to friends houses or having a friend round.

Obviously you know your children best and you also have SN to consider, but any typically developing 13/14 year old should be able to be left at home for these hours. If your DC are incapable of this then I would be prioritising working on this/scaffolding them until they can. It's extremely important to set your children up to succeed as adults and basic independence is essential.

Mine don't get up until mid morning. Then they shuffle around creating complicated snacks and smoothies and leaving a mess everywhere.

They relocate to the sofas with blankets and cushions and duvets and snacks and watch rubbish.

They sometimes have friends over for sleepovers so there is more mess and greater consumption of snacks....

Yes I think perhaps I'm being a bit worried unnecessarily.

I know DS will be up early because that's his norm and he will be happy to game all day.

Given his ADHD, your 13 year old is likely to have the executive functioning skills of an 8-10 year old, so I think it’s understandable to be cautious about leaving him alone.

Does he have any school friends that are close by whose parents you get on with? Perhaps you could see if you could manage a reciprocal arrangement with them to cover some of the time.

Also, around here, quite a few basketball, football clubs etc run drop in camps. Could thay be something your ds might like? Ds is a bit older now but at 13 he really enjoyed those and it was good for me not feeling like he was left all day. Do you have a class WhatsApp or similar you could ask for recommendations? If you are in Surrey I know a few!

I think this is all about his specific needs You'll get loads of answers telling you a 13 year old will just be fine.

We found an activity DC could go to for 4 hours a day at this age which worked well. You could consider paying a sixth former to just come and hang out for 2-3 hours over lunch to break up the day for him even if they are just revising, or they could play computer games with him if he is up for that.

It's a tricky age especially with boys. We found neither DS nor peers were able to organise themselves to meet up or even game together online - they just don't plan like I would

I left mine, no choice. Dd is autistic but will stay glued to the screen and dd2 is super sensible, I’d even come home to home baked cakes and dinner on the go. They were at home from 11&13 as I changed job

I’ve made a specific mental note of this for when mine is old enough to leave, specifically the amount of snacks I need to buy in advance.

I’ve always left mine since going to high school. Both have ASD / ADHD and been fine.

First couple of holidays, I’d still make them a pack lunch so they didn’t need to cook but after that they could make simple meals like noodles etc.

DS is definitely behind his peers emotionally. He hasn't matured like DD has yet. I can't imagine he will remember to eat if I don't message him and tell him to.
He has a friendship group and they play online so I know he won't be bored.
Luckily DD is very responsible so she will keep an eye on him (probably have to pay her!)

chores - dc have a couple of things I expect them to do. (unloading dw, folding laundry for example)

as reward we meet up after work doing bowling, ice skating. or most memorable a guided hike in a dark sky area near us.

this year we have big exams so they are busy studying after their lie in.

I'm actually finding this part of parenting really tricky! I never know what to do for the best.

I left my home alone at that age the days I worked, had no family and no childcare from that age. Both were fine.

We started leaving mine at home for the day at 12 and a bit. I do get your concern though, it felt really wrong at first!

Mine are left to their own devices with me regularly checking in (texting)- often to direct them towards lunch options etc. This weather has meant they've been home a lot rather than out and about with friends.

My dd didn’t like being left on her own, I used a combination of family and friends, sports camps and annual leave up until dd was 14yo.

I would leave them at home but maybe put prepared lunch in the fridge for them if DS forgets to eat lunch

I have a DD with autism/ADHD so I understand that is a difficult age - too old for childcare but can't be left on their own all day. When we were in those years, I used to try to get the day broken up by making sure there were arrangements such as seeing friends. If not, my mum would come and take DD out to do something. Nothing major like a whole babysitting day, but make sure lunch is sorted and stay for a couple of hours keeping them company. Also with an older DD, I would specifically ask her to stay home on days that nothing else could be sorted.

However much you buy, you will need more 😬

I try to make sure there are good supplies of things like bagels and toppings, fruit, dried fruit and nuts, crackers, breadsticks, hummus, popcorn, tortillas and dips etc so they're getting a variety and not just heavily salted UPF!

They also like making budda bowls so I get microwave rice sachets, and some exotics like baby corn, avocado, sweetcorn and breaded chicken and sometimes something exciting like pomegranate seeds. Then they take lots of insta style pictures 🤣

My DD tends to have a few hours TV and then will go out with friends. My ds has friends over. Both do their chores and a bit of cooking.