How do you manage young teens and full time work in the school holidays?

[Henryonthebeach]

I have DS 13 (yr 8) and DD 14 (year 10).
I work full time and am out of the house 7.30-4.30, a 25 minute drive away with limited access to my phone during the day.

Until now I've had reliable childcare but this isn't the case anymore, on top of this ive been let down for tomorrow and Friday. Nightmare. Ive taken 3 days this week, the last of my annual leave.

DD is super independent and I can leave her alone but DS isnt as good at being left (he has ADHD if relevant). I'm pretty confident they will be fine if left together and I don't have annual leave or carers leave left to take. I'm a lone parent so noone else to ask.

What do you do during the school hols when paid childcare is no longer a thing? I'm panicking a bit about the thought of leaving them.

Depends where you are but there are often sports/science clubs older DC can go to for a few hours, drama etc. (My sister used to go on sleep away camps dedicated to her music)

Can you still get those monthly cinema passes? I agree internet usage worries me but a few days binging films at the local Vue seems like a good way to kill time.

Sometimes my goddaughter comes to me (sahm) in the hols and she plays with my kids. Could that be an option?

Or give them a list of stuff like gardening and cleaning to earn some decent £££?

No.

My DD is 12 (13 this year) and I work full time and single parent. Luckily I’m a hybrid worker so required to do 2 days in office a week. I work 9/3 on Monday and Tuesday and the rest of the week 9/6 so I’m going to do a trail of leaving her a half day in the Easter holidays. As come summer I have a couple weeks off but I may have to leave her 1 day at home alone. She’s really sensible and tbh won’t be awake until 11 lol! Then toddles around for ages. My only worry is if she goes out she forgets to lock the door 🤦🏻‍♀️

So you'll still have 4 weeks during the summer when you're working and your 13 yo will need to entertain herself. It doesn't matter that your wfh - well I guess you can see her a bit, but not really be with her.
Will she just 'toddle around' and be happy for those 4 weeks?

If you are worried about screentime or that they are too aimless ypu can write out a timetable and use Family Link to sort the screen access.

I have done things like set them lists of chores and jobs to do.

They can be asked to walk the dog, get something from the shop or drop stuff to the post office on In Post locker to get them out.

They can be expected to do homework, read x number of chapters, practice their instrument.

Bake, prep dinner, list things on Vinted.

Not being there doesn't have time mean doom scrolling (and doesn't for mine). Mine do watch a lot of tv but I remember the fun of that in the holidays.

I make sire we do stuff in the eves - this week we have been to the theatre, ice skating and swimming.

I’ve left them these holidays, I’ll be honest it’s pretty neglectful in the light sense of the word, because nobody is taking them off screens and they’ve been living off crisps, toasties, pasta or pizza, cereal and I’ve been warning them into eating fruit and yoghurts but they haven’t most days!!! If you have anyone at all that can pop in even for an hour chat and check in it’s great

Just to add to the above I make sure we play board games or get out every evening and this weekend we’ll go visiting and out for long walks

Of course, but as I said above, there are 13 weeks of school holiday.
I'm done with that phase now, but I did feel really torn.
I guess all the downsides of being a lone parent to a child on his own (his older brother is 10 year older and not at home) and living rurally piled on top of me.
Also, I felt like many of my peers had more time off. I know there are other lone parents working full time but I did feel quite isolated.
I became very sensitive and a bit bitter about the "yay....school's out, have a great time gals", or from the school "enjoy your holiday" messages. I think I probably posted on here and got shot down and I can kind of see it now.
When you're in the trenches it's hard to see out.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that - yes, the few years when they don't need formal childcare, but are still too young to be completely independent are tough during school holidays.

but wfh means no commute and a break tgat can be taken together with the children...

I'd leave them home alone, with pre-prepped food.

Wow, you must be really young.

I left meals ready for them to reheat or a packed lunch, ensured they had all they needed for the activities of the day - swimming, cycling etc - and ensured that they had phone credit, a small amount of money, both had door keys and a plan for the day.

Then I left them to it.

It is tricky. In an ideal world our teens would get up, make a nutritious breakfast, walk the dog, meet a friend and then maybe go for a run, play some tennis or read …..

In reality they get up, make some concoction for breakfast that looks like you’ve been visited by a demented raccoon, go back to bed or couch to sit on their phones, close the curtains, make an iced coffee, eventually let the dog out the back, eat dry cereal and on so on.

I’ve learned to make my peace with holidays being a case of out of sight out mind. I can’t work and keep them
bust and amused 24/7

Very normal for children to be left at that age unless they are a danger to themselves or others.

Is there no way work will let you keep your phone on you op?

I work in a school and when my mum was going through cancer treatment I was allowed to have it on vibrate in case of emergencies. I only got the one call as she did recognise that it was a nightmare for me but that one time WAS an emergency and I managed to leave very quickly.

If you have an SEN child there may be legal steps you can take to ensure their safety, having your phone on is a small adjustment, surely?

Mine were left at home ( from slightly younger than that if I’m honest ). Single parent, and once they get to high school they really felt too old for childcare.

It really depends on the kids/teens There isn’t an easy solution for all.

Most parents I know manage with a combo of:
Grandparents
Clubs - eg sports/drama/general
Flexible wfh in the kind of jobs they can stop for an hour/finish early to make sure teen off screen, has a walk etc.

We have none of the above now with dd13.

We also have a dd who will meet up with friends to do normal, age appropriate activities - but also on the rare occasion alcohol/vape. And this from a teen who is very academic, model student at school, does lots of out of school activities, has decent friends (who we’ve known for years) etc.

So whilst she’s not going to burn the house down etc, we can’t just go off to work all day, an hours commute away, and leave her alone to drink/vape (in between doing all her homework) when she gets bored. (And yes we’ve imposed consequences, taken phone away, stopped pocket money etc).

We don’t have 13 weeks annual leave so it’s a juggle. With some successes and some failures.

We thought it would be easier at this age but it’s actually become harder.

One more thing I’ll add - a LOT of parents don’t actually know what their teens are getting up to when left alone for long periods….

Surely part of the joy of being in high school, is the fact that you can do.... nothing.... during the holidays.

Teens don't see things the same way we do.

My half term:
Marking mocks for 2 days
Planning for 1
Been up at 630 every day for a run.
Blitzed the house.
Going to watch a film with friends tonight.
Out at weekend.

My teens:
No 1- up around 11,gaming, bit of running, feeling superior to mortals who like to leave the house. Bed later than dh and I. Eating all the toast.
I'm leaving him to it, because revision is coming.

No 2- been out with mates; been to the gym; been shopping with me; chilled. Eating all the cake. Making milkshakes.

Me at 13:
Wrote a novel. 😆
Froze in the park with my mates (no coatsfor us).
Watched telly.
Played mega drive.

Who had the best time?

Probably no 1 dc!