Did I have a disproportionate number of weird things happen when I was a kid? **MNHQ added CW for CSA**

[SevenEleveze]

Was contemplating this with DH the other day and genuinely don't know if it was normal in the 90s.

Not looking for other 'stories' of weirdos or anything, not a troll!

But between the ages of about 11 to 16 i had the following happen

• friends drunk dad urinated on me at sleepover. Was laughed off as a drunken folly.
• 2nd friends drunk dad got his genitals out whilst peeing in an alleyway, clearly visable.
• Friends stepdad used to pay us to put on 'spice girl shows' and dance for him (he also reference my 'p*ssy'when i needed the toilet.
• Got chased by a man through the woods with friends.
• Man exposed his penis wholst peeing then followed me and friend down multiple streets including into chippy where we went for safety and cancelled his order to continue follwing us
• Found a lost dog and this really smelly old guy said it was his dog and he needed us to bring the dog back to his house as he didnt have a lead, was trying to convince us to go with him and I had the most awful feeling. I kept think why do we need to go to the house to get the lead, if we were at the house we wouldnt need the lead anymore?!
• Dads friend was a taxi driver and dad asked him to drop me off at my friends 2 mins away. He instead drove around for 10/15 mins whilst silently staring at me in the rear view mirror with doors locked. Eventually took me to friends house and let me out, all without a word.
• Had someone ring the homephone and ask which daughter I was (i had sisters) then asked me to guess what he was doing, then told me he was 'w*ing his c**k' . Regularly had this person call the house and he mentioned my dads name so must have been one of his friends. I never told my dad.
• Nana told me as an adult that she caught by uncle (by marriage) watching me in the bathroom

Nothing ever happened physically but looking back that seems a lot??

Nothing like this ever happened to me. Probably a mixture of luck, strict parents and possibly being oblivious to anything that did go on.

Of course it wasn’t normal. You were surrounded by dangerous, predatory men.

Yes this sounds very unusual. I'm very sorry that you were surrounded by such predatory men.

No this is awful I’m sorry you’ve had these experiences

That doesn’t sound normal to me. I never had anything like that happen to me (but my mum was a child protection social worker, so she was pretty eagle-eyed!) I’m sorry that these things happened to you.

I'm taken aback by the initial responses. Mostly because they show there are many oblivious women around.

OP, it is a lot, but I'm not sure it's that unusual. How old are you now? I had a similar number of bad experiences, however some would be classed as assaults these days (by strangers or former partners). One was in fact investigated by the police in the 90s.

It is sadly the reality there are many, many predatory men around us and those of us unable to identify at least several instances of their unacceptable behaviours are likely unaware, as opposed to they've never happened. Sorry you went through this, I sympathise a lot. It's really not great for one's head.

A disproportionate number to some, relatable to others, relatively low numbers comparable to some others. None of it is ok. I’m sorry these things happened to you.

TW (animal abuse)

Also my uncles friend took great pleasure in telling me he used to tie a string round a piece of steak and pull it back up once his kitten had swallowed it.

And told me he would make slippers out of my rabbits.

That sounds absolutely insane reading it back now :( and he was a nurse for the NHS too and it really haunted me.

I have a lot of MH issues and I'm starting to think that these things (and other things that happened in my childhood) have played quite a big part in that.

I can assure you I’m not ‘oblivious’. I dealt with CSA aged ten whose effects I’m still dealing with in therapy in my 50s. What the OP describes isn’t normal by any stretch of the imagination.

I think it is a lot but in the realms of ‘normal’ for many of us. I think the fact many of us have lists like this and some have no experiences like this, explains the variety of opinion on threads like the ‘ban all male nursery worker’ ones.

Did you have a lot of freedom? As I start to make a list in my mind of my dodgy men experiences during my teens and those of women I’m close to, I’d probably make a similarly long list and I’m a similar age to you. I’m sorry though, some of those sound particularly frightening at the time and I expect will have impacted you in the longer term.

I can only go on my own experience, but that sounds a lot to me. I grew up in the '80s, relatively unscathed, and whereas thinking about it, I can think of 4 or 5 incidents that, if you reported them today, further action would definitely have been taken. At the time, it was just "there are some weirdos around, just avoid them" and I have not been impacted as an adult. I would add that none of this was in my own home. It sounds horrible, and I hope you are OK. x

I’m very sorry OP. You weren’t looked after properly as a child or teen. These things shouldn’t have happened to you.

My word.. this is A LOT.

The first one is awful... the next 2 are no better.
Your friend's dads are diabolical.

Sorry you had to experience these incidents. It's not normal.

When predators spot a gap (absent parents not keeping an eye out) they move in. Where was your mother because as a mother I sure as hell wouldn’t have let men like that near my daughter?

I'm so sorry that you went through this. It sounds horrendous.
I was a teenager in the 80s and didn't experience anything like that. You seem to have been incredibly unlucky.

And her father??

I think most people have had a couple of these sorts of things happen to them. I don’t think most people have had all of them happen to them.

Sounds normal to me growing up in the 80s.

I could list an equivalent number of similiar things, including the animal abuse.

That was just life back then.

I know of many people who had experiences like that, including my husband.

We were low socio-economic though. My middle class friends (who I thought were positively rich compared to us 🤣) did not have experiences like that.

I’m so sorry these awful things happened to you OP. I don’t think it’s just what happened to everyone at all, or at least not that many things.

Middle class daughter of two teachers a d didn't have what you experienced. Sounds horrific. Like most women from the eighties and nineties i have a few on my list though including a creepy uncle a d creepy friends dad. Not right is it.

I had some very disturbing experiences with men as a teenager and young woman - so you’re not alone.

Id wager that most women have had a good few instances of this kind of behaviour. It's got fuck all to do with shitty parenting as some pp are trying to make out. Some men are just disgusting and shameless, especially where teenage girls are concerned

Her father clearly had a load of dodgy perv friends so wouldn't be surprised to find he had the same tendencies

That's a lot OP and you weren't protected as you should have been. It is NOT you and NOT your fault.

Agree.

I was a teen in the 90s. I had a few similar things happen to me. All strangers though, none of my friends dads did anything dodgy thankfully.

Got touched up in a swimming pool (was under 10 at that point)
Got touched up on a bus.
Got offered £5 for a blow job in an underpass, er no thank you, I’m just on my way to my Saturday job.
Answered the phone at home and was asked loads of questions about what I was wearing. I was quite young at that point and innocently went along to start with thinking it must be someone we knew playing a game until it started getting really creepy.

I came through the above relatively unscathed for which I am grateful but these were a few isolated incidents over a decade, I think many women and girls could name a few abusive instances sadly. However I think your list is extreme OP and you were abused by men you knew and should have been able to trust which would impact anybody’s mental health.

I’m so sorry OP. None of this is normal, I hope you know that

I’ve never once experienced anything like anyone is describing on this thread. My experience of men in general (both as a child and an adult) has been positive.