Did I have a disproportionate number of weird things happen when I was a kid? **MNHQ added CW for CSA**

[SevenEleveze]

Was contemplating this with DH the other day and genuinely don't know if it was normal in the 90s.

Not looking for other 'stories' of weirdos or anything, not a troll!

But between the ages of about 11 to 16 i had the following happen

• friends drunk dad urinated on me at sleepover. Was laughed off as a drunken folly.
• 2nd friends drunk dad got his genitals out whilst peeing in an alleyway, clearly visable.
• Friends stepdad used to pay us to put on 'spice girl shows' and dance for him (he also reference my 'p*ssy'when i needed the toilet.
• Got chased by a man through the woods with friends.
• Man exposed his penis wholst peeing then followed me and friend down multiple streets including into chippy where we went for safety and cancelled his order to continue follwing us
• Found a lost dog and this really smelly old guy said it was his dog and he needed us to bring the dog back to his house as he didnt have a lead, was trying to convince us to go with him and I had the most awful feeling. I kept think why do we need to go to the house to get the lead, if we were at the house we wouldnt need the lead anymore?!
• Dads friend was a taxi driver and dad asked him to drop me off at my friends 2 mins away. He instead drove around for 10/15 mins whilst silently staring at me in the rear view mirror with doors locked. Eventually took me to friends house and let me out, all without a word.
• Had someone ring the homephone and ask which daughter I was (i had sisters) then asked me to guess what he was doing, then told me he was 'w*ing his c**k' . Regularly had this person call the house and he mentioned my dads name so must have been one of his friends. I never told my dad.
• Nana told me as an adult that she caught by uncle (by marriage) watching me in the bathroom

Nothing ever happened physically but looking back that seems a lot??

I can categorically say nothing like in the OP ever happened to me. Not everyone has these weird experiences with predatory men. The most ever happened to me when young was a homeless guy who exposed himself to passers-by.

So that is one.

I’m sorry all this happened to you. Perhaps I am lucky but I’ve never had a single thing like this happen to me in my past.

You poor thing. Sorry all that happened.

I can think of a time when I was school age a man used to stand at his bay window at his house and masterbate when a few of us school friends walked past. And this was in broad daylight on a busy street! We used to just stick fingers up at him but I don’t know why any of us didn’t think to report it. It’s like as a child/teen you kind of assume it’s your fault in a way. So yes I understand some of the things you mention! Unfortunately was normal for lots of kids

I can think of a fair few similar things at that age. I think they were mainly from strangers though ‘Flashing’ was fairly common (or rather indecent exposure). I also used to see a man masturbating at his window. Was ‘touched up’ at a party when I was about 14 by a grown man. Lots of pervy comments in the street from grown men when in uniform etc. I also remember dodgy phone calls, although I think it was random rather than aimed at our house. I also remember getting chased by a group of lads my friend and I met on the way home on NYE, although I think we were slightly older, maybe 17/18.

I think I just accepted that you had to put up with things like this. None of it was connected to my parents or anything to do with them, and it didn’t occur to me to tell them. I have a teenage daughter and so far it seems these things aren’t happening to her and I’m pretty sure she’d tell me if they did

You grew up with not a lot of appropriate boundaries in place by your parents. I dont mean anything of this was personal boundaries to you but boundaries by your parents about appropriate people in the home, drunk people etc
Even the family system and boundaries were screwed with dodgy uncle.
I would then suggest external people could almost 'read' this in you and why so many other men behaved inappropriately.

Some of this happened to me.

not all of it.

my parents drillled me in always being with a group and never being on my own.

Nothing like this happened to me as a teenager. MC background in a wealthy area. My parents' friends were nice people. I'm not oblivious to the fact that this kind of thing happens/happened to some girls, but it's hard to say how 'normal' it was. To me it sounds like your experience was disproportionate, OP. Sounds awful

I have a very similar list to you OP. Reading this thread has brought back a lot of memories actually.

I really hope my DD doesn't have to deal with shit like this.

I am fully aware that this could be a pretty standard set of experiences for some girls. However posters are allowed to say that it wasn’t in any way representative of their experience growing up. That’s the whole point of the thread!
For multiple reasons I never happened to encounter anything of the kind. This doesn’t mean I don’t think it didn’t exist, just that it didn’t happen to me.

I didn’t have as many things happen as op, but her post brought back lots of bad memories. Men got away with a lot more back then. I grew up in a low socio-economic area and I think that also played a part. Lots of men just hanging around on the streets.

Yes that does sound like a lot to me. I’ve had dodgy experiences with men too in my teens but not as that and they were all strangers. Some experiences were weird or scary at the time and others only in hindsight.

Did you tell your parents about any of these incidents at the time or since? How did they respond?

I purposely haven't read your Animal abuse update, thanks for the TW OP.

Yes, a lot of similar stuff happened to me growing up in the '70s and '80s
When I have spoken with friends I grew up with, they are mainly very shocked.

The difference? Neglected, abusive childhood.
A predator's dream.

OP I think what you went through would certainly scar me.

I grew up in a rough area but was raised by bikers. I never had a SNIFF of any sexual inappropriateness from anyone within or without the community. When I went to uni at 18 though I guess I lost the protection and it was a fucking free-for-all! Within weeks I was sexually assaulted at a bus stop and had picked up a scary stalker.

It’s not exclusively linked to poor parenting but there’s of course a link. All the children and teenagers who are victims of grooming gangs - what do you think their parents are like?

I grew up in the 80s/90s, none of that accords with my experience. Sounds like your dad had some awful friends.

I'm really sorry to read your list OP. Whilst I've had more (and worse) things happen to me, what struck me about your list is that so many of these men were known to your family. That can't feel nice.

I also think that all these known men, acting in predatory ways throughout your childhood, could have easily chipped away at your sense of safe boundaries. A bit like grooming does. It's really good you see it for what it is now.

I suspect that your dad kept some pretty unsavory company and possibly talked about you in an inappropriate way.

I lived very very rurally and was in boarding school from aged 7 so difficult to access. I was born in the 70s.

But thinking about it. I got raped by the baby sitter aged 5. I was molested by a sibling. I got flashed at aged 16. So maybe not that unusual. One of my uncles was very creepy but lived abroad.

Now you mentioned it and got me thinking…..

have been flashed at twice when i was in my early 20’s

when i was a schoolgirl sitting at a bus stop (8am) a man sat next to me and kept staring at me and obviously getting aroused. A woman at the bus stop noticed and actually stopped the situation by telling me to stand with her.

On the bus to school at least 10 times pervy men would push their groin into you on a crowded bus and you would turn around and they-would pretend to look other way. This also happened to friends of mine.

my friend and I were walking to her house (Sat afternoon) a guy drove past really slowly and was pleasuring himself and shouting at us.

My parents were strict! Thats the funny part.

I wasn't allowed to random friends houses and Ibwas only allowed to play at friends houses and not hang about the streets. These things happened whilst walking to and from friends houses.
And I was only allowed to stay at certain houses

I never told them any of it till adulthood.

I grew up in the 80s and thankfully never experienced anything like this.
It sounds horrific OP.

Maybe you should have been accompanied or given a lift to and from friends houses if these things were happening in the streets. And clearly your parents also had misplaced faith in some of the families you stayed with for sleepovers. I’m so sorry this happened to you as a child and young teen.

I'm actually questioning a lot from this thread.

My dad had a DVD collection in the living room in an alcove with shelves. On the top shelf he had porn DVDs. Just there alongside normal films.
I remember looking at the covers when alone.

Thats bloody odd isnt it?

And also once my grandfather borrowed a few of them. Right in front of us, my dad and maternal grandad had a discussion and he chose a couple of them.

It's actually making me quite upset that they would both think that was OK :(

I understand what youre saying but at the same time if a parent was insisting on driving their kid for 4 mins rather than letting them do a 10 min walk at 13/14 they would be called an iverbearing helicopter parent.

And this was the 90s! Not now.

OP, none of this is "normal" and quite traumatic TBH. Never experienced anything like this...