Sister and sil fallen out

[WhyWomen26]

sister got married and our sil that lives other end of the country came up for the wedding with our younger brother
they have no kids yet not married yet but recently engaged, been together ten years already and both have a busy social and work life , high paying jobs and lifestyle etc
(not sure that’s relevant but thought a bit of background)
we don’t see them that often but thought nice enough

now here’s why my sister is really upset as sil wore a long white all in one suit to her wedding and was in the photos obviously

I don’t know what to think myself
I always thought never wear white to a wedding anyway but it was a suit kinda style
I can see why it was taken badly and family are talking about her now

but just wondering what others think about the white at a wedding??
I think it’s a bit of a no and it’s a shame my sister’s upset about it
but I won’t be falling out with sil I’m not thinking it was cruel intentions just maybe thoughtless or it’s just her style and it’s probably normal in the social groups she moves in

im trying to make my sister feel better by saying this but just wondering what others people think too?

I’ve added a photo of said suit it’s not the exact but sort of similar and was probably a very expensive piece of attire and I’m not saying I don’t like it because I do! Just not sure it’s wedding occasion

That’s very bridal. So much so that I wouldn’t bat an eye at a bride wearing it.

But your sister can take comfort from the fact that every other person at that wedding will have thought your SIL was a dick.

Hahaj, yes this.
Something that really drains her.
Don't say anything, just get the pictures done amd send some copies to SIL 😆
Everyone knows you don't wear white to a wedding!
I'd wear that as a bride of I got married again.
Bad form from SIL

Does everyone know though? I only found that out when someone told me in my mid twenties.

I answered yes because I know it’s generally a big no-no. But probably wouldn’t bother me unless it was a white dress. The jumpsuit seems slightly better

She knew what she was doing there.

I agree I would suggest editing the outfit to another colour in the photos. Also you both possibly wearing white to her wedding out of respect of her obvious love of the colour.
Maybe tiaras too haha.

a) get your sister to have the colour of the outfit changed (preferably to something that doesn't suit sil)
b) when SIL and brother get married - wear her own wedding dress to their wedding (well, make out that's what's happening to annoy the sil)

I'm often "meh" over the don't wear white to weddings, but i know it's a no-no and that trouser/jumpsuit is similar to something i was looking at for my own wedding outfit. So that was bloody rude.

Long, white and dramatic (with the bodice and sheer top) = entirely unsuitable for a wedding guest!

If she gets married wear something in white and get others to also.

I only found out when my aunt went mental about one of her in laws wearing a white floral dress. Caused a ten year family rift. I got my face slapped trying to smoothing over.

My mother used to always slag off neighbours or people she knew when she’d see they were wearing white if they’d had a lot of boyfriends. I was about 8 at the time and said to the bride aunt “don’t be upset, you’ve had lots of boyfriends so maybe she thought you wouldn’t be wearing white” I got such a slap for that. 😬

She was a twat for wearing that.

Honestly she shouldn’t have even been allowed in any of the pictures in the first place since she wasn’t appropriately dressed but I agree with the suggestion to have her outfit photoshopped to a colour that doesn’t suit her.

I wouldn't have worn it but I don't think it's worth falling out over. I couldn't have cared less what anyone wore to my wedding, I was just glad that people came and celebrated with us! Surely your sister should just be happy that she had a lovely wedding?

Why are you so adamant it was an “accident” when you clearly don’t even know the woman? When you went to buy your outfit for the wedding did you give no thought at all to what you were wearing or how other people and the bride would feel about it? Course not!

So what, though? You hardly know her, seldom see her, and she lives at the other end of the country, so does it particularly matter whether or not your sister thinks she’s a conscious wedding-wrecker or mildly thoughtless?

Because it matters if the bride, who is OPs close family member, was upset. Potentially purposefully. The point of mumsnet is to get advice. Imagine everyone responded with “so what”.

I voted for tasteless but I absolutely wouldn’t fall out over it. I assume she thought that because it was a jumpsuit that it was sufficiently different to a wedding dress. Someone wore cream to my wedding but barely even noticed what she was wearing tbh.

I feel like this could be gormlessness. Or just finding an outfit that looks really nice and then thinking it would be OK. Photo shopping the photos to a different colour is a great idea. Future revenge suggestion -if she does marry your brother all go in long flowing white outfits. She how she likes them apples.

I think most people know that it's generally not the done thing to wear white at a wedding. But that outfit is clearly not a wedding dress, so no one is going to think that your SIL was trying to upstage your sister or that she could have been mistaken for the bride. So in reality, what does it actually matter?

I only fpund out in my twenties too. As a teenager in the 80s, I wore a knee length white dress with a big apricot coloured belt and matching shoes to a wedding I went to with my boyfriend - it was patently obvious I wasn't the bride who was in a meringue of a dress with a veil as per the fashion, but I do feel sorry for 18 year old me who was completely oblivious to The Rules and just thought it was a nice outfit. The SIL might have been the same - liked the outfit, in her head it wasn't a wedding dress, bought it without thinking. If she's a nice enough person I don't imagine she set out to cause any upset.

Ridiculous thing to do. I initially saw the white trouser suit description before the photo and thought hmmm, maaaaaaybe that would be arguably ok... but not a white trouser suit like that!

However, I don't think I'd fall out over it. There are two explanations. One is gormlessness without intention, in which case it would be harsh to make a fuss. The other is that she did it on purpose to make some kind of point, in which case pretending to be unbothered usually pisses people off more.

Yes it was thoughtless and attention seeking. Hopefully, when your sister calms down she will be able to put it behind her.

Is SIL from a culture where brides wear white and an adult? If so, there is absolutely no excuse. It is common knowledge you don't wear white to a wedding. We all know that. It's essentially a bridal suit. A bride who doesn't want to wear a dress would wear something like that and it would be very bridal.

It was done deliberately, no one accidentally dresses as the bride to a wedding. Probably not meant in malice to hurt sister, just a young popular woman who can't stand to not be the center of attention.

The only correct course of action is to go to her wedding in the same outfit.

I honestly didn’t know about this rule until beyond my 20’s. I got married in my 20’s and don’t think I would have cared if a guest had turned up in white or even
particularly noticed. Maybe because in the past generally it was clear when something was a bridal dress. Now the definition of what is bridal wear has extended.

I didn’t care what anyone wore to my wedding 🤷🏼‍♀️ I was just so deliriously happy! Mind you, it takes a lot to offend me!

If she and your brother are engaged, tell your sister she can wear white to future SIL's wedding.